Predator: Dark Ages - Lore
"Dark Ages" is the story of a group of roughneck knights during The Crusades, including a Templar Knight, a female tracker, two meat sacks, and a Muslim scholar, essentially every character trope of the 80s action film. The church has asked Thomas, a battle-tested Templar, to hunt down a beast that has been killing without a reason. Thomas and his group are teamed with Sied, a Muslim scholar, who knows more than he is letting on to stop the killer.
Needless to say, Thomas' team is wiped out one at a time leaving only himself and Sied to fight the Predator, which ends in a very interesting way. The End.
Clocking in at just under 30 minutes, "Dark Ages" packs in enough action, story, and sense of dread to keep you engaged for its entire run time. While I would have appreciated a little more back-story on Thomas and Seid, especially Seid who seems like he's been studying the Predators for a while, dating back to his time in Jerusalem. If you're a fan of the original "Predator" you will get a kick out of the opening sequence when Thomas and his group show up on horseback, blatant fan service, and of course how can I forget the music; Alan Silvestri would be proud.
This bring me to the second part of this double-header, and this one is a doozy.....
Kung Fury - Bananas
So "Kung Fury" where does one start, first, if you haven't seen it, click HERE and watch it....we'll wait.....okay, we've waited long enough.
In "Kung Fury" the mean streets of Miami are awash with killer arcade machines and the return of Adolf Hitler, who is also a kung-fu master. The only man who can stop his is the baddest cop on the force; Kung Fury. Together with Hackerman, Fury is sent back in time to stop Hilter before he is able to harness the full power of the ancient art of Kung Fury. Along the way Fury meets female Vikings, Thor, a talking T-Rex, and has words with his talking car.
If you were to take "Miami Connection," "Hobo With a Shotgun," "Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon," put them in a room and let them all have a three-way, you might get a general idea of how bananas this film is. Of course, this is nothing new, the 80s is enjoying a great resurgence of interest lately, from horror flicks like "The Guest" and "It Follows" to video games like "Hotline Miami" and "Blood Dragon" people still love the 80s, and for good reason; the 80s are awesome.
David Sandberg does his best Michael Biehn impression as the title character, and Jorma Taccone, from Lonely Island fame, hams it up big time as the kung fuhrer - Adolf Hitler. The violence is over-the-top, the 80s references are awesome, and if it wasn't for a little film called "Back to the Future" I'd say this is the most realistic take on time travel to date.
"Kung Fury" is well worth your time, and why not just double feature it with "Predator: Dark Ages" to get your nostalgia fill in just under an hour.
*We at Simplistic Reviews do not want you to kill yourself, we want you to understand that these films are incredible and not watching them would be a great disservice to yourself. We love you, thnx, byeguys.