one word reviews of Movies and TV

Listen Now!

Thursday, March 26, 2015

SR Podcast (Ep. 42): Nobody's Perfect - Movie Commentary: March 2015


Thursday Movie Night!

Tonight's Movie Commentary is a little unknown film called

Nobody's Perfect





1990 - PG13 - 90mins - Comedy

Starring the famous Lowe brother, Chad Lowe. Nobody's Perfect is about Stephen (possibly looking for a way to cross dress) is a tennis loving college student you falls for Shelly a chick who apparently can't pick the right guys. To get closer Stephen becomes Stephanie to befriend Shelly. It's all wacky fun from there...oh and rape.


Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Big Time in Hollywood, FL - Series Premiere

Big Time in Hollywood, FL : Brilliant 
(Series Premiere)

Tonight Big Time in Hollywood, FL Premieres (March 25 at 10:30/9:30c) on Comedy Central and it's simply Brilliant. 

Why is it Brilliant? Because it had me laughing the whole time. "Laughing" is something I have been dying to experience for awhile now. Every Comedy show that premieres seems to loss its steam after awhile (I'm betting with Stiller this won't). There hasn't been a film that has come out that I honestly laughed throughout the entire run-time. 

Comedy has been pretty dead on both TV and Film.

Fast forward to when I laid my eyes on Big Time In Hollywood, FL. The other night I was on YouTube watching my subscriptions. An ad from Comedy Central pops up before a video and its the complete first episode of Big Time. I was about to skip it but it kept me drawn in. This was a 20 minute ad and I sat through the whole thing with a skip button to my right. I did not skip. Instead the crazy idea of two brothers who love film making kept my eyes fixated to the screen. It's stupid fun, fun in which I haven't had in awhile. For me Comedy Central is a channel I usually have on. But my normal CC shows have been disappearing. Only show left on CC that I look forward to watching is South Park. 

Well not anymore. 

Hollywood, FL is a show that I will be watching. 

From IMDB: Big Time In Hollywood, FL Follows two delusional brothers, who are self-proclaimed filmmakers, as they are kicked out of their parent's house and end up on an epic cinematic journey.

A cast that includes Ben Stiller (also Producer), Stephen Tobolowsky, Kathy Baker and Keith David already have my attention. But the premise holds me even more. Alex Anfanger and Lenny Jacobson are funny. Their dimwit is just perfect. Usually I find dimwit to be annoying, It can ruin the experience (Penny from Dumber and Dumber To). But I honestly feel this will work. With Ben Stiller I have no doubts.


I don't want to waste your time with my horrible writing, instead watch the episode tonight or below.

Please give it a watch!













Late-to-the-party Matt: Who are these chicks?

Anyone worth their film-going, or trailer viewing, salt has seen and dissected the "Avengers 2: Age of Ultron" trailer over and over again. The main points of interest have revolved around who is who, mainly the person in the cave and the woman seen while Thor is being seemingly electrocuted. However, one person still isn't being talked about nearly enough. It's her; see below:

WHO IS F, IS SHE?!
The main reason I bring this up is the recent mention that Carol Danvers, aka Captain Marvel, has already been cast. Could this woman be Captain Marvel right under our nose. The other reason I bring this up is the fact that she was not only in the 3rd Avengers trailer, but also the 2nd. See below:

Could this just be a MacGuffin? Maybe, but I also find it hard to believe that you would include a "nothing" character in not just one, but two trailers. The other speculation is that this character is simply this same character below:

The main argument I have with this, and while it might be weak, is that the two actresses do not look alike. Sure, characters are re-cast all the time (Ed Norton/Mark Ruffalo anyone?) and there seems to be more to this character than meets the eye.

Leave any comments in the comments section and yell at me for my ineptitude or lack of sense.

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Monday, March 16, 2015

Slaughter Film Presents: Action Movie Time Machine - Double Team




Well it's March, and with it comes March Madness. To honor the basketball gods, we will be loading up the “Action Movie Time Machine” with the dial set to the decedent year of 1997 to visit Dennis Rodman, before he became the American ambassador to North Korea.

The year is 1997. Howard Stern showed everyone his “Private Parts”, police investigate the murder of the Notorious B.I.G., and the Bundy family say goodbye as “Married With Children” comes to an end. All this, and someone thought it was a good idea to put NBA star Dennis Rodman in “Double Team”.

THE SKINNY
Jack Quinn, Jean-Claude Van Damme, is a special forces spy type who has recently retired so he can be with his wife when she gives birth to their first child. His retirement plans get cut short as he is sent out on one last mission to apprehend an international terrorist for hire who goes by the name Stavros, Mickey Rourke. Quinn has spent years trying to capture Stavros, so naturally, when Stavros comes out of hiding, Quinn is just the man for the job.
Quinn is sent to lead a Delta team in the capture of Stavros, but first we have to introduce the elephant in the room. Quinn visits the gay-bar district of town to meet up with his contact, Yaz, Dennis Rodman. Yaz, is interesting. He...well, is dressed like Dennis Rodman. Dennis Rodman is more or less playing himself in this movie. In fact, Dennis Rodman is playing Dennis Rodman pretending to be an underground arms dealer who has recently decided to work exclusively with the “good guys”. This scene isn't so important. It simply introduces his character so we're familiar with him later.

So, Quinn buys some weapons, that apparently the Delta Team can't get their hands on, and he and the Deltas head after Stavros.

Their intelligence says that Stavros will be visiting a Dutch amusement park. The Delta team show up early and set up a sting operation complete with a tranquilizing sniper who will take Stavros alive. When he arrives, Quinn wonders why he would bother with an amusement park? Is he planning a terrorist attack? Well it turns out that he was visiting his son.

Soon the Deltas are discovered, a shoot out begins and Stavros' son is shot in the cross fire. Quinn chases Stavros on foot and is lead to a nearby hospital where they fight it out in the nursery. Stavros manages to escape when he  throws a grenade at Quinn. Quinn opts for saving the children and this allows Stavros to go free.
When Quinn wakes up from the explosion he finds himself on a remote island as the newest member of “The Colony”. The Colony is where special agents go when why are no longer effective. They are too dangerous to be set free and too valuable to kill. Instead they are gathered together to analyze data and help world governments capture terrorists and fight rogue nations. This idea is a 100% rip-off of a '60s British television series called The Prisoner.

After a few days and two training montages, Quinn fights his way off the island and swims through laser infested waters before being picked up by a cargo plane that Quinn climbs into in mid-air. Once on the ground, he recruits the help of Yaz who offers to take him to see his wife – who thought Quinn was dead. I don't know why they didn't just drive, but Quinn and Yaz parachute into Quinn's backyard inside an invention Yaz came up with himself. It's a giant air filled globe the encases the person wearing it, allowing them to safely float down to the surface of the Earth...It's a fuckin' basketball!
Anyhow, once Quinn arrives at his house, he discovers that it's a trap set by Stavros. Stavros has kidnapped Quinn's pregnant wife and is planning to take the child for himself to replace the one killed in the shoot out. Yeah, that'll teach Quinn!

Quinn and Yaz follow the Stavros trail to Italy where Yaz uses his monk connections to zero in on him. “Monk connections”, you ask? Yep, apparently a while back Yaz built the monk's some “main frame processor” complete with a dial-up connection to the world wide web. The “cyber-monks” are grateful and most eager to repay Yaz.

The monks help Quinn locate his wife, who is at a hospital giving birth. By the time Quinn arrives, the baby has been hatched and Stavros is gone. Fortunately one of the nurses knows his plans.
Quinn follows Stavros to the Coliseum where he and Yaz must fight through Stavros' goons before Quinn and Stavros fight it out surrounded by land mines. If that wasn't enough, Stavros brought along a bangle tiger. Stavros sure knows how to party.

Yaz saves the baby while Quinn and  Stavros battle – which is a pretty decent fight sequence. Everything ends when Stavros steps on one of his own land mines – blowing up both himself, the tiger and the entire arena…for some reason. When all is said and done, Quinn rides off into the night with his newborn son. The End.



THE VERDICT
I feel like “Double Team” was the precursor to “Rush Hour”. I might be giving “Double Team” more credit than it deserves but each film shares quite a bit with the other. They each team-up a martial marts master with a wisecracking black man... Okay, that the only similarity. But “Double Team” did come out over a year before “Rush Hour”. And if movies like “Deep Impact” & “Armageddon”, “Dante's Peak” & “Volcano”, and “White House Down” & “Olympus Has Fallen” are any indication that studios are totally willing to rip of each others idea while are still being developed, I'm sure the same could be said about “Double Team” & “Rush Hour”.

“Double Team” is kind of...bad. But there is good to be found within it. Like Van Damme's fighting...and splits. There are many of the action sequences that are well filmed and turn out to be pretty entertaining. My problems with the film is also the action sequences. While they are entertaining, they are designed to be so over the top that I can't take them seriously. They are so overly complicated that they stop making sense. These problems really show the films age, as everything in the '90s had to be the most extreme at all costs. Example; The final showdown that results in a hand to hand fight to the death...in the Coliseum...surrounded by land mines...and there's a tiger. Are you fucking kidding me?!
Rodman is another problem. So naturally, to help sell the film the studio wanted an interesting celebrity. He dressed outlandish and fooled around with Pamela Anderson and this made him famous.  And now we have a sub-par action flick that's full of his strange outfits and colorful hair-dos. His popularity was a bit of a passing fad, and again, this movie shows it's age. Oh, and everything Rodman says becomes a cheesy basketball related one-liner.

My REAL problem with this movie is it's story telling. There is no attention to detail and no effort to develop the characters. Van Damme's character is a special forces spy type, but who does he work for? Why does Rodman's character so chummy with Italian monks and why do the monks have the internet? I could go on asking these dumb questions but I won't bother. It seemed like the writers had a hand full of “awesome” ideas and had to find a way to get them all to fit together without wasting too much time on explaining anything.
In the end, the core of this movie is interesting; how the spies have a lose network they belong to and when the “retire” they go to The Colony – but everything else is gimmicky crap.

I’m Cory Carr and this concludes another trip on the “Action Movie Time Machine”. Until next time, Semper Fi Punk!

For more from Cory, check out his website slaughterfilm.com, where he and his good friend Forest Taylor record weekly podcasts, reviewing the films that are legendary, even in Hell!
 

 
 




 
 

Sunday, March 15, 2015

Rant Corner (Ep.4) - Drunk Edition - "Arrow S3 and Hiatuses" or: Shut up Laurel Lance! Shut that Piehole or I'll shut it for you!

It's Sunday Funday! and I'm Pissed!

Let me first say, I Love Arrow!

But this has been the weakest season yet. It's been bloated and the story doesn't feel as tight like past seasons. It's true it is getting better but there is a lot that I have to get off my chest like I did a couple podcasts ago. Problem is I had some left inside of me since I couldn't get everything out on the Simplistic Reviews Podcast #38

So this is Rant Corner 4. Grabbed a beer and lets talk about what I would change and what is pissing me off!


Sunday, March 8, 2015

Rant Corner (Ep.3) - "Siracha 2go" or: Why do people think they need more then just keys on their keychain!


This Rant is more of a public service.

I received an email that boggled me mind to the point I began to rant. Why on earth would someone need this on their keychain? People get your priorities straight!

Saturday, March 7, 2015

The Simplistic Reviews Podcast (Ep. 41) March 2015

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES


The Ides of March Approaches...and so does the March 2015 edition the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.  On this episode the boys chastise the person responsible for allowing a 72 year old Harrison Ford into an airplane.  Justin discovers a brand new...um...old show that is hilarious in all the right ways.  DJ questions if the Tommy Lee Jones we've seen in public is the real Tommy Lee Jones.  And Matt saves the lives of 3 people while eradicating another from existence.  All that and more on this 1.21 gigawatt powered episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.
SHOW NOTES
1.21 gigawatts 
Danger 5
Harrison Ford plane crash
Diablo Barbie
Age of Ultron Trailer
Danny Elfman Music in Age of Ultron 
Tommy Lee Jones commercial
Black & Blue or White & Gold Dress


MUSIC NOTES
My Flows Is Tight By Lord Digga
Back To The Future Theme By Alan Silvestri 
Back To The Future II Theme By Alan Silvestri
Back To The Future III Theme By Alan Silvestri
We Gotta Get Out Of This Place By The Animals
Welcome Back By Mase

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Clown

Clown - Myths

Say what you want about Eli Roth, but just when you think he's disappeared into obscurity, he always finds a way back into a cinephile's consciousnesses. Sure, he's not the best filmmaker, and not even the best horror filmmaker, but for some reason when I see his name attached to a project I feel compelled to watch. With that being said, this brings me to Eli Roth Presents (?) "Clown." While not a great film, there are still some really cool ideas in the film and adds to the myths we all know and probably fear from our childhoods, if you are, in fact, scared of clowns.

Our tales begins with kids at a birthday party eagerly awaiting the arrival of a clown. Loving mother Meg receives a call shortly after that the clown they are waiting for has been double-booked and can't make the party. Meg calls her realtor husband, Kent, and delivers the bad news, but Kent has other plans. Fortune smiles upon Kent when he finds an old clown suit in a chest...hidden away of course. The party goes off without a hitch, and Dummo the Clown is the hero of the day. Things begin to get weird when Kent can't remove the costume, wig, or clown nose. Things gets even weirder when he meets Karlsson, played by resident Swedish weirdo Peter Stormare. Needless to say, Kent is cursed to wear the suit until he takes the lives of five children as he slowly turns into something that isn't quite human.

The fear of clowns trope has been one of horror's go to tropes for years. You can go to "Stephen King's It" for the best example of the evil clown. Personally, my first experience with clowns was "Killer Klowns From Outer Space" which is a goofier and more light-hearted take on the evil clown. "Clown" is far more earnest than "Killer Klowns" not to mention several other recent clown films that pretty much make the killer a clown, or clown-like being, that uses goofy ways to dispatch their quarry.

What sets this film apart from other films of it's ilk, is, again, its earnestness. It doesn't try to be goofy just to be goofy, it's actually a very nicely paced horror film that takes the creepiness of clowns and creates an interesting mythic story. Essentially this clown is Pennywise from "It" if you took away all the humor and replaced it with gore and horror. The biggest gripe that I have, however, is the third act, which pretty much falls into the typical "killer in the house" cliché. There is also the occasional use of CG blood, which always sticks in my craw, but its used sparingly enough to be tolerable.

One of the highlights of the film is one scene specifically that is few reminiscent of "Alien." It takes place in the plastic tunnels of a Chuck E Cheese playground and provides a great deal of suspense. Another aspect of the film that might be overlooked is the sound design and score. The stomach rumblings of Kent throughout the film are very unnerving, and the score by Matt Veligdan sounds like a re-purposed John Harrison score, but it's subtle and adds to the tension.

All in all, "Clown" is a fun watch, but it isn't perfect. It suffers from some overused horror tropes and it gets dragged down in its own ridiculousness at times, but its a good take on the killer clown genre that doesn't rely on "a vengeful ghost or deranged-mental-patient-in-a-clown-suit."

Fun Fact: One of the earliest ideas of the "evil clown" comes from "Hop-Frog" a short story written by Edgar Allen Poe in 1849.

Monday, March 2, 2015

Rant Corner (Ep.2) - "Animal Instincts" or: You know that day when you have to take the keys away from the grandparents, we're looking at you DC.






Dear DC,

What the hell is going on?

P.S.
I know its for kids but they could of tried more.
Plus the last few films have been the worst they ever put out, so DC should really get their shit together.

Wyrmwood: Road of the Dead

PROGRESSING
Wyrmwood - Progressing

Let's admit it finally; the zombie genre needs to die....again....and again....and again. The days where zombies were a novelty are over, and part of that I blame on "The Walking Dead." And no, I'm not saying the show is bad, but it simply created the over-saturation of zombies everywhere, and to me, it's run its course as a horror fan. Here I am, of course, about to rain compliments all over a zombie film, what kind of person am I? This brings me to "Wyrmwood: Road of the Dead" yet another quality product from the Land Down Under, which also brought us "The Babadook" last year. What works in "Wyrmwood" is it's ability to be different, progressing the same old tired zombie flick, while incorporating the best from other zombie films.

Here's the skinny on this flick; The zombie outbreak has finally hit Australia and the Outback is in ruins. We have Barry and Benny, two guys trying to make it out alive, and we also have Brooke, Barry's sister, an artist who has been kidnapped by two soldiers and is being experimented on by a scientist with a penchant for KC and the Sunshine Band. Barry has been traumatized by the zombification of his wife and daughter, who he had to kill himself, while Benny is a wild and crazy Aborigine. That is the basic story, and to spoil other aspects of the film would be a disservice.

I know I said I didn't want to spoil anything, but *SPOILER BEGINS* skip ahead to the next paragraph, or better yet, skip this review for now, watch this flick, and come back and read the rest. What separates this zombie tale from others, is the way the zombies are created and what part they play in the film. While the origin of the infection is relatively tired and true (really, a meteor shower?) and the explanation a little hokey (Biblical) the actual literal fuel of the zombies is a interesting wrinkle to the genre. Basically, when the meteor show occurs, it creates an airborne event where everyone who doesn't have A Negative becomes infected and all fuel becomes useless and zombie blood becomes the new gasoline....yes, zombie blood is now fuel. It makes you wonder how someone thinks of this type of stuff, but if you are watching a zombie film, you should already be suspending enough belief. Oh, and there is also zombie telepathy. Again, who thinks of this stuff, but again, somehow it works. *SPOILER ENDS*

For genre buffs, "Wyrmwood" is the perfect example of "stealing from the best." You have the post-apocalyptic craziness of the "Mad Max" trilogy, the over the top gore of "Dead/Alive," the younger in cheekiness of "Shaun of the Dead," the screams of "Evil Dead," and the unrelenting zombie hordes of "Dawn of the Dead;" get the point? This film is every zombie lover's dream and is the proper homage to everything that has come before it. What is even more impressive is that this is director, Kiah Roache-Turner's first film and while he borrowed from the best, it's evident that he not only cares about the genre, but is also interested in expanding it and not just trying to create the same old carbon ops we've seen since 1969's "Night of the Living Dead," and "Wyrmwood" is far and away the most original and fun "zombie" film since "28 Days Later."

Bottom line, if you are looking for a take on the zombie genre that will both have you scratching your head at its ridiculousness and leave you with hope for the genre, Wyrmwood is that film. It's the perfect homage and shows that persistence and people that care can and will put on a product that fans can get behind and appreciate.

Fun Fact: The film took four years to complete since the cast could only shoot on weekends and holidays.

Copyright © Simplistic Reviews