Year: 2016

December 31, 2016

(Ep. 81): Year End Wrap Up Mini Show – December 2016

This is it guys and girls, the end of an era! The piece of shit known as 2016 is dead. 2016 was nothing but a douche to us all. Think about it, all horrible and horrific stuff. Don’t believe me? Fine. Let me ask you, name one thing that was good about 2016?
Still waiting…
Anything?
Yeah we feel you. So to end the year and ring in a new one we have a Mini End of the Year Wrap Up Show! A podcast that wraps up the shitty year of movies into a bite size appetizer to welcome in 2017!
Thank you everyone who has listened this year. We appreciate your support and we have a lot planned for 2017.

“I know it was you, 2016. You broke my heart. You broke my heart.”

December 25, 2016

(Ep. 80): Silent Night, Deadly Night: Part 2 – Movie Commentary: December 2016

Merry Christmas! From Simplistic Reviews

Silent Night, Deadly Night: Part 2

1987R‧ Drama/Slasher1h 28min

Trailer 
 

The sequel picks up on Christmas Eve some years after the first movie, with Ricky Caldwell, the 18-year-old brother of the first film’s killer, now being held in a mental hospital, awaiting trial for a series of murders that he committed. While being interviewed by the psychiatrist Dr. Henry Bloom, Ricky tells the story of the murders his brother Billy committed throughout a series of several flashbacks using footage from the original film. These flashbacks have new shots to make Ricky appear in more of Billy’s original story.

To say Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 is a good movie is an understatement. Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 is the greatest movie ever! Come on this is a fun movie to watch. You really have to give it to the team for making a 1hr 30min movie off a 30 page script. Yes I’m somewhat joking, but let’s be honest this movie is freaking fun to watch. Every year people watch A Christmas Story or Christmas Vacation for Christmas but I watch Silent Night, Deadly Night 1 and 2. A Christmas Slasher is always a good time.

So this Christmas grab that eggnog and a bowl of that chocolate covered popcorn. Sit down next to that warm fire and lets watch Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2!

December 20, 2016

CUTTING ROOM FLOOR – From Podcast Ep. 79

A little snipped from Podcast Ep. 79 ends up on the CUTTING ROOM FLOOR!
Topic “Suicide Squad False Start
AKA This movie isn’t worth our time

Podcast 79 

Suicide Squad – Extended Cut

2 hours, 14 minutes

Seriously? Yes I don’t know why but we did another WB extended-we-don’t-give-you-the-full-movie-the-first-time-cut.

What to say about a poorly made film. I mean a 8 year old with iMovie could do a better editing job.

And I feel bad for bringing the 8 year old this luckluster piece of crap.

DJ says it the best. “This is the biggest disappointment of the year”.

So we know you really do not want to watch this film again but hell we gave it a try. So this Sunday Funday Movie Night lets give it a GO!

All Board the WB shitliner one more time!
This time the
S. S. We fooled you again…HAHAHA (Shitty Joker laugh)
Don’t worry, this time we have Ted Lange as Your Bartender
December 19, 2016

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (Matt’s Take)

Rogue One – Tough

TOUGH

2015 brought about the resurgence of a franchise literally dragging itself out of the fiery pits of Mustafar. “The Force Awakens” was a worldwide phenomenon; it bridged the gap between successful animated fare like “The Clone Wars” and “Rebels” and washed the taste out of the mouths of fans still angry and beating their plastic lightsabers on the dead horse that were the Star Wars prequels. Since the Lucasfilm/Disney purchase that was so highly touted/publicized/argued, everything has been coming roses for the Star Wars Universe and its fans. Plus, now anything that can be Star Wars, IS Star Wars. Pet clothing, lawnmowers, coffee pots, I”m sure there are even Star Wars-themed Fleshlights out there. I mean come on, one can dream, can’t they?

My point is that Star Wars has taken over again. Add in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and Disney is literally printing money with pictures of Mickey Mouse on it, hey, in a couple of years, the way we are going, that might end up being a legit form of currency.

Oh it’s a great time to be alive if you’re a fanboy of fangirl.

With all the success that Star Wars has had since it came out of the wilderness following the perceived failure that were the prequel films, there are many that wondered; “When will they slip up?” Much like the MCU, there have been many films where people though the shine was coming off, “Iron Man 3,” “Thor: The Dark World,” and even “Ant-Man” were films that many can point to where the chinks in the armor were starting to show. And unlike “Star Wars” this was bound to happen with Marvel when introducing characters that were so fringe that it’s almost impossible to find a captive audience, of course “Guardians of the Galaxy” is the exception and not the rule.

This brings me to “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story” the first in what is bound to be many stories, and the 2nd film in the “One-Star-Wars-Film-A-Year-Until-The-Day-We-Die” series. Of course that might sound a little snarky, but in this day and age if you aren’t snarky you aren’t a member of this horrible, horrible Internet that was been created.

So was “Rogue One” good? Yes……and no. As a “Star Wars” fan, of course I loved this film. It finally brought the “War” to “Star Wars.” Sure, you get to see “The Clone Wars” in the “Prequel-that-won’t-be-named,” and who really wants to relive that….

The premise is simple. A band of bad-ass ruffnecks are tasked with stealing the plans to a planet-destroying weapon and thwarting an evil army. It’s really as simple as that, The only difference between this film and any other action or sci-fi film that has the same exact plot is that it takes place in the Star Wars Universe. I know….it sounds bad to equate it that simply, but that is exactly what we have here. If this was any other film franchise people would be bashing this film into the ground, but since it’s the holy grail of science fiction mythology, the literal scared cow of cinema, the bashing will be light by most reviewers.

With the finished product that is “Rogue One” we can see why the production might have been a little troubled. This is a dark film; this is a war film, and coming off “The Force Awakens” you can see where they tried to lighten the mood with some cameo appearances that I won’t spoil, the gallows humor of K-2SO helps, but nonetheless, this is still a dark film that of course brings up the comparison to “The Empire Strikes Back,” which in the scheme of things, chronologically, works very well for the canon where you have “A New Hope” now book-ended by two very dark entries.

One of my biggest gripes, and this is similar to a gripe that I have with the MCU as well, is the need for audiences to know EVERYTHING about the universe in order to grasp all the intricacies and “wink-wink nod-nod” moments that fans will love, while casual fans will be left out in the cold. I understand that you have to include fan service, but “Rogue One” is the victim of too much fan service without providing an explanation to crucial plot points. One of the biggest is the use of Kyber Crystals and why they are so important to the universe. Never once, in the history of the FILM universe have Kyber Crystals been spoken about, unless I’m mistaken. Yes, I know, they are used to power a Jedi or Sith’s lightsaber. I know that because I KNOW “Star Wars” and do the research. But this is explained more in the prequel book to “Rogue One,” “Catalyst” where Kyber Crystals are explained to a larger degree and how they do more then just power lightsabers.

Characterization was also lacking for the most part. We see glimpses of motivations for characters like Jyn Erso (Felicity Jones) and Cassian Andor (Diego Luna), and the duo of Chirrut Imwe and Baze Malbus (who I would LOVE to see a Star Wars Story about them) are my highlights. But in a film where you pretty much know the end result, I assume this was done on purpose because, SPOILER ALERT, a lot of people don’t make it. With that, to truly understand the motivation for these characters is pretty inconsequential, but that to me, is also a shortcoming of “Rogue One.”

Even with the run-time being two hours and 15 minutes, there were plenty of times where the action could have been dialed back, and we could have gotten to know these characters a little better. Gareth Edwards knows how to do a lot with a little, “Monsters” is a great example of how he was able to generate tension without having to show anything, but with “Rogue One,” he chose to go the route of “let’s blow up a lot of shit” instead of getting intimate with his wonderful characters. Maybe he felt like he was only going to be able to play in this sandbox once so it was balls-to-the-wall, which is understandable, and I might be in the minority of the person liking bigger and better booms and out-of-this-world CG, but characters come first, especially for a film universe that prides itself on it’s mythology.

Overall, for being the first “Star Wars Story” this is a worthy effort despite it’s flaws. This is a Star Wars film for fans, made by fans, and that might be one of the biggest issues. Even with the oversight of Disney, I think the inmates ran the asylum a little too much in “Rogue One” and caused this film to feel disjointed, rushed, and wasted the chance to flesh out new characters and instead chose to do it with a different medium, namely a book and cartoon series, “Catalyst” and “The Clone Wars,” respectively. I can’t knock Disney for trying to tie in their collective mediums, shit, I’m sure there are tons of people buying the e-book or the hardback for “Catalyst” today or binge-watching “Clone Wars,” but I don’t like having to study for a test in order to understand a film as a whole.

I’ll likely give this film another shot in the theater, but unlike my seven screenings of “The Force Awakens” in the theater in 2015/2016, this will be so I can catch all the things I missed. I want to like “Rogue One,” but this was a tough film to get behind, even for the die-hard in me. “Rogue One” is the blueprint, which despite it’s flaws, is still very watchable and will make fans happy as we finally know what happened to the rebels that gave their lives to help the rebellion.

December 11, 2016

(Ep. 79): Suicide Squad – Extended Cut – Movie Commentary: December 2016

Suicide Squad – Extended Cut

2 hours, 14 minutes

Seriously? Yes I don’t know why but we did another WB extended-we-don’t-give-you-the-full-movie-the-first-time-cut.

What to say about a poorly made film. I mean a 8 year old with iMovie could do a better editing job.

And I feel bad for bringing the 8 year old this luckluster piece of crap.

DJ says it the best. “This is the biggest disappointment of the year”.

So we know you really do not want to watch this film again but hell we gave it a try. So this Sunday Funday Movie Night lets give it a GO!

All Board the WB shitliner one more time!
This time the
S. S. We fooled you again…HAHAHA (Shitty Joker laugh)
Don’t worry, this time we have Ted Lange as Your Bartender!  
Suicide Squad
It feels good to be bad…Assemble a team of the world’s most dangerous, incarcerated Super Villains, provide them with the most powerful arsenal at the government’s disposal, and send them off on a mission to defeat an enigmatic, insuperable entity. U.S. intelligence officer Amanda Waller has determined only a secretly convened group of disparate, despicable individuals with next to nothing to lose will do. However, once they realize they weren’t picked to succeed but chosen for their patent culpability when they inevitably fail, will the Suicide Squad resolve to die trying, or decide it’s every man for himself?

A secret government agency, led by the ruthless, high-ranking official Amanda Waller, recruits some of the most dangerous, incarcerated villains on the planet to execute dangerous black ops missions and save the world from a potentially apocalyptic threat from a mysterious, supernatural entity. If anything goes wrong on this mission, the government will not be liable but rather can place the blame on the villains, who are inherently evil people. A small bomb is implanted in each member of the squad’s neck with the capability of detonating any time one of the members tries to rebel or escape. It will be up to this assembled team of villains to prevail over the seemingly impossible events that will unfold before them, in what many deem to be a “suicide mission”.

December 7, 2016

3 Simplistic Things: November 2016

We are approaching the New Year at a feverish pitch, and while November might not have gone the way that a lot of people wanted it to go, at least you can say 2017 can’t get any worse….or can it?

Netflix on the Go….go


It’s difficult to think of a time before Netflix, or streaming, or social media, or just the endless need for people to be needed and/or cut off from the rest of the world because they need to be looking down at their phone. rant end. However, now that Netflix is facing stiffer competition from the likes of Amazon Instant, it was only a matter of time before downloading and taking on the go would be an option for Big Red.

Kanye Being Kanye

So Kanye West cancelled a bunch of his tour dates after people booed him in California for saying that if he did vote, he would have voted for Donald Trump. How could he be so heartless? I mean I’m not saying he’s a gold digger, but with all the flashing lights, he really should be stronger….he sucks. (Not from one of his songs….yet)

This Brings Me To…..

 …aka, beating a dead horse…

kthnxbye guys

November 25, 2016

CUTTING ROOM FLOOR – From Podcast Ep. 78 (Part 2 of 2)

Part 2 of 2 from Podcast Ep. 78 ends up on the CUTTING ROOM FLOOR!
Topic “Grandpa Poop

On this Thanksgiving episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys talk about turkey and Donald Trump…A Minecraft movie and Donald Trump…Shelley Duvall and Donald Trump and who would win in a fight between Dracula and the Wolfman…oh and we also genuflect to our new Presidential overlord Donald J. Drumpf…all that and more on a turkey day episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.  And that wasn’t a typo, by the way.  Donald Trump’s real name is Drumpf…these are facts.

November 21, 2016

CUTTING ROOM FLOOR – From Podcast Ep. 78 (Part 1 of 2)

Part 1 of 2 from Podcast Ep. 78 ends up on the CUTTING ROOM FLOOR!
Topic “EPIC!”

On this Thanksgiving episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys talk about turkey and Donald Trump…A Minecraft movie and Donald Trump…Shelley Duvall and Donald Trump and who would win in a fight between Dracula and the Wolfman…oh and we also genuflect to our new Presidential overlord Donald J. Drumpf…all that and more on a turkey day episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.  And that wasn’t a typo, by the way.  Donald Trump’s real name is Drumpf…these are facts.

November 20, 2016

(Ep. 78): SR Podcast – November 2016

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

On this Thanksgiving episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys talk about turkey and Donald Trump…A Minecraft movie and Donald Trump…Shelley Duvall and Donald Trump and who would win in a fight between Dracula and the Wolfman…oh and we also genuflect to our new Presidential overlord Donald J. Drumpf…all that and more on a turkey day episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.  And that wasn’t a typo, by the way.  Donald Trump’s real name is Drumpf…these are facts.

NOTES
Al Bundy Fights
Wolfman’s Got Nards

All Your Base Are Belong To Us
Chickens Have Come Home To Roost

MUSIC
Hail To The Chief
The Incredible Hulk Theme By Daniel Caine Orchestra
Beast Atoms By L-Beazt
Sharp Minds By L-Beazt
Cocaine Model By ZHU
By The Croft By Joakim Karud

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November 10, 2016

Op-Ed: The 2016 Election, and a new era for politics by Matt

*I am in no way a political scientist or anyone of importance. Shit, I’m just a working class stiff who also happens to host a podcast with two friends. Take that into consideration when the trolling starts.*

Fret not people, the dream isn’t over…it is merely postponed…it might be a painful four years, but postponed doesn’t mean it’s dead.

Not much solace can be given in this time of division and what people might call one of the biggest mistakes voters have made perhaps ever, but we will persevere as a people, a community, and as human beings.

Oh behalf of DJ Valentine, and Justin Polizzi, none of us agree with how this 2016 Election ended, with a victory for now President Elect, Donald Trump. It’s a scary reminder to never underestimate the power of fear mongering, and pandering to groups of people that feel that they have been swept to the side in favor of people that actual need help and representation. We live in a scared nation right now filled with people scared to lose their guns, scared that they won’t have social security when they retire, scared that they can’t retire on their pension, scared, scared, scared. When people are scared they don’t look for what they have seen for the past eight years, they look to an alternative; they look to someone like Trump who offered them an alternative.

Trump is not an idiot, let’s get that right out of the way. In fact he’s a brilliant guy who conned voters into voting for him because he was an “insider” that saw the corruption that was happening in Washington, and he turned into an “outsider” who knew how to fix the problem. Can he fix the problem? Who really knows, this country has been shattered in 2016, and it’s going to take a while to mend the hearts of minds of a country so greatly divided. I can see it now, Trump 2020 “It’s Not My Fault I Couldn’t Make America Great.”

The other important takeaway is that the Republican Party now controls all aspects of the US Government, from the House to the Senate. The Supreme Court will likely tilt in the balance of the right-wing, and this can be a scary thought, but it also brings about opportunity for this country to finally get work done, albeit work that I will likely disagree with 100%. You wanted change Amerikkka, well now is your time to shine!

The Affordable Care Act will likely be repealed and replaced with something else, and it seems that Trump would like to erase all visage of the Obama Administration. It’s a sad time for many people who think that eight years of progress will likely go down the drain, and you might even consider that over 60 years of progress for this nation will be rolled back as well. That’s a bit of a stretch, but you have to consider that, it’s incredibly frightening.

So where do we go from here? Well for one, we need to carry on and continue to live. Of course it’s good to mourn, for many of us this is a day of mourning. The proverbial rug was just pulled out from under us and we face planted onto the hard concrete of reality. We were promised that Trump wouldn’t go far. He was a nightly punchline for the likes of Bill Maher, the cast of SNL, and John Oliver, but this is the new reality that we have to face; we have this man as our 45th President of the United States. Yes, a man who fired Flava Flav from a reality show, a “man” that brags about sexual assault on women, a man who likely hasn’t paid federal taxes in a long time and brags about it, a man who believes in something called “Extreme Vetting,” and a man who’s Twitter account had to be taken away from him like a child. This is the best that we have right now. This man. Donald J Trump.

So what’s next for this “great” country? Who the hell really knows. It all still seems so surreal to think that Trump is president. Perhaps we were spoiled with eight years of having a Commander in Chief, while not perfect, was an inspiration to millions. Barack Obama had his ups-and-downs, but you can’t take away his class, charm, ability to form proper sentences, and the way that he carried himself. The odds were stacked against him from the start, yet he still found ways to at least try and get things done. He treated people with integrity and dignity, and I was proud to know that we had a leader that at least tried to lead instead instead of “lame ducking” it for the last two years of his presidency. He had to deal with preposterous claims, namely from our new President, that he wasn’t born in the United States, and he handled it with class.

The last thing we need to remember is that the blame is to be shared. We created this monster, this Trumpenstein if you will. We patronized his hotels, we watched his reality TV shows, we went to his universities, we bought his steaks, we putted on his greens, and we all thought he didn’t have a snowball’s chance in Hell. Well I heard that Satan just put on his snow boots because it’s going to be a cold four (or even more) years in not just this country, but around the globe.

The chickens have finally come home to roost….or whatever the fuck that means….

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