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Saturday, December 31, 2016

(Ep. 81): Year End Wrap Up Mini Show - December 2016


This is it guys and girls, the end of an era! The piece of shit known as 2016 is dead. 2016 was nothing but a douche to us all. Think about it, all horrible and horrific stuff. Don't believe me? Fine. Let me ask you, name one thing that was good about 2016?

Still waiting...

Anything?

Yeah we feel you. So to end the year and ring in a new one we have a Mini End of the Year Wrap Up Show! A podcast that wraps up the shitty year of movies into a bite size appetizer to welcome in 2017!

Thank you everyone who has listened this year. We appreciate your support and we have a lot planned for 2017.

"I know it was you, 2016. You broke my heart. You broke my heart."


Sunday, December 25, 2016

(Ep. 80): Silent Night, Deadly Night: Part 2 - Movie Commentary: December 2016

Merry Christmas! From Simplistic Reviews

Silent Night, Deadly Night: Part 2

1987R‧ Drama/Slasher1h 28min

Trailer 
 
The sequel picks up on Christmas Eve some years after the first movie, with Ricky Caldwell, the 18-year-old brother of the first film's killer, now being held in a mental hospital, awaiting trial for a series of murders that he committed. While being interviewed by the psychiatrist Dr. Henry Bloom, Ricky tells the story of the murders his brother Billy committed throughout a series of several flashbacks using footage from the original film. These flashbacks have new shots to make Ricky appear in more of Billy's original story.

To say Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 is a good movie is an understatement. Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 is the greatest movie ever! Come on this is a fun movie to watch. You really have to give it to the team for making a 1hr 30min movie off a 30 page script. Yes I'm somewhat joking, but let's be honest this movie is freaking fun to watch. Every year people watch A Christmas Story or Christmas Vacation for Christmas but I watch Silent Night, Deadly Night 1 and 2. A Christmas Slasher is always a good time.

So this Christmas grab that eggnog and a bowl of that chocolate covered popcorn. Sit down next to that warm fire and lets watch Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2!








Tuesday, December 20, 2016

CUTTING ROOM FLOOR - From Podcast Ep. 79

A little snipped from Podcast Ep. 79 ends up on the CUTTING ROOM FLOOR!

Topic "Suicide Squad False Start"
AKA This movie isn't worth our time
Podcast 79 




Suicide Squad - Extended Cut

2 hours, 14 minutes


Seriously? Yes I don't know why but we did another WB extended-we-don't-give-you-the-full-movie-the-first-time-cut.

What to say about a poorly made film. I mean a 8 year old with iMovie could do a better editing job.

And I feel bad for bringing the 8 year old this luckluster piece of crap.

DJ says it the best. "This is the biggest disappointment of the year".


So we know you really do not want to watch this film again but hell we gave it a try. So this Sunday Funday Movie Night lets give it a GO!

All Board the WB shitliner one more time!
This time the
S. S. We fooled you again...HAHAHA (Shitty Joker laugh)

Don't worry, this time we have Ted Lange as Your Bartender

Monday, December 19, 2016

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (Matt's Take)

Rogue One - Tough


TOUGH

2015 brought about the resurgence of a franchise literally dragging itself out of the fiery pits of Mustafar. "The Force Awakens" was a worldwide phenomenon; it bridged the gap between successful animated fare like "The Clone Wars" and "Rebels" and washed the taste out of the mouths of fans still angry and beating their plastic lightsabers on the dead horse that were the Star Wars prequels. Since the Lucasfilm/Disney purchase that was so highly touted/publicized/argued, everything has been coming roses for the Star Wars Universe and its fans. Plus, now anything that can be Star Wars, IS Star Wars. Pet clothing, lawnmowers, coffee pots, I"m sure there are even Star Wars-themed Fleshlights out there. I mean come on, one can dream, can't they?

My point is that Star Wars has taken over again. Add in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and Disney is literally printing money with pictures of Mickey Mouse on it, hey, in a couple of years, the way we are going, that might end up being a legit form of currency.

Oh it's a great time to be alive if you're a fanboy of fangirl.

With all the success that Star Wars has had since it came out of the wilderness following the perceived failure that were the prequel films, there are many that wondered; "When will they slip up?" Much like the MCU, there have been many films where people though the shine was coming off, "Iron Man 3," "Thor: The Dark World," and even "Ant-Man" were films that many can point to where the chinks in the armor were starting to show. And unlike "Star Wars" this was bound to happen with Marvel when introducing characters that were so fringe that it's almost impossible to find a captive audience, of course "Guardians of the Galaxy" is the exception and not the rule.

This brings me to "Rogue One: A Star Wars Story" the first in what is bound to be many stories, and the 2nd film in the "One-Star-Wars-Film-A-Year-Until-The-Day-We-Die" series. Of course that might sound a little snarky, but in this day and age if you aren't snarky you aren't a member of this horrible, horrible Internet that was been created.

So was "Rogue One" good? Yes......and no. As a "Star Wars" fan, of course I loved this film. It finally brought the "War" to "Star Wars." Sure, you get to see "The Clone Wars" in the "Prequel-that-won't-be-named," and who really wants to relive that....

The premise is simple. A band of bad-ass ruffnecks are tasked with stealing the plans to a planet-destroying weapon and thwarting an evil army. It's really as simple as that, The only difference between this film and any other action or sci-fi film that has the same exact plot is that it takes place in the Star Wars Universe. I know....it sounds bad to equate it that simply, but that is exactly what we have here. If this was any other film franchise people would be bashing this film into the ground, but since it's the holy grail of science fiction mythology, the literal scared cow of cinema, the bashing will be light by most reviewers.

With the finished product that is "Rogue One" we can see why the production might have been a little troubled. This is a dark film; this is a war film, and coming off "The Force Awakens" you can see where they tried to lighten the mood with some cameo appearances that I won't spoil, the gallows humor of K-2SO helps, but nonetheless, this is still a dark film that of course brings up the comparison to "The Empire Strikes Back," which in the scheme of things, chronologically, works very well for the canon where you have "A New Hope" now book-ended by two very dark entries.

One of my biggest gripes, and this is similar to a gripe that I have with the MCU as well, is the need for audiences to know EVERYTHING about the universe in order to grasp all the intricacies and "wink-wink nod-nod" moments that fans will love, while casual fans will be left out in the cold. I understand that you have to include fan service, but "Rogue One" is the victim of too much fan service without providing an explanation to crucial plot points. One of the biggest is the use of Kyber Crystals and why they are so important to the universe. Never once, in the history of the FILM universe have Kyber Crystals been spoken about, unless I'm mistaken. Yes, I know, they are used to power a Jedi or Sith's lightsaber. I know that because I KNOW "Star Wars" and do the research. But this is explained more in the prequel book to "Rogue One," "Catalyst" where Kyber Crystals are explained to a larger degree and how they do more then just power lightsabers.

Characterization was also lacking for the most part. We see glimpses of motivations for characters like Jyn Erso (Felicity Jones) and Cassian Andor (Diego Luna), and the duo of Chirrut Imwe and Baze Malbus (who I would LOVE to see a Star Wars Story about them) are my highlights. But in a film where you pretty much know the end result, I assume this was done on purpose because, SPOILER ALERT, a lot of people don't make it. With that, to truly understand the motivation for these characters is pretty inconsequential, but that to me, is also a shortcoming of "Rogue One."

Even with the run-time being two hours and 15 minutes, there were plenty of times where the action could have been dialed back, and we could have gotten to know these characters a little better. Gareth Edwards knows how to do a lot with a little, "Monsters" is a great example of how he was able to generate tension without having to show anything, but with "Rogue One," he chose to go the route of "let's blow up a lot of shit" instead of getting intimate with his wonderful characters. Maybe he felt like he was only going to be able to play in this sandbox once so it was balls-to-the-wall, which is understandable, and I might be in the minority of the person liking bigger and better booms and out-of-this-world CG, but characters come first, especially for a film universe that prides itself on it's mythology.

Overall, for being the first "Star Wars Story" this is a worthy effort despite it's flaws. This is a Star Wars film for fans, made by fans, and that might be one of the biggest issues. Even with the oversight of Disney, I think the inmates ran the asylum a little too much in "Rogue One" and caused this film to feel disjointed, rushed, and wasted the chance to flesh out new characters and instead chose to do it with a different medium, namely a book and cartoon series, "Catalyst" and "The Clone Wars," respectively. I can't knock Disney for trying to tie in their collective mediums, shit, I'm sure there are tons of people buying the e-book or the hardback for "Catalyst" today or binge-watching "Clone Wars," but I don't like having to study for a test in order to understand a film as a whole.

I'll likely give this film another shot in the theater, but unlike my seven screenings of "The Force Awakens" in the theater in 2015/2016, this will be so I can catch all the things I missed. I want to like "Rogue One," but this was a tough film to get behind, even for the die-hard in me. "Rogue One" is the blueprint, which despite it's flaws, is still very watchable and will make fans happy as we finally know what happened to the rebels that gave their lives to help the rebellion.

Sunday, December 11, 2016

(Ep. 79): Suicide Squad - Extended Cut - Movie Commentary: December 2016

Suicide Squad - Extended Cut

2 hours, 14 minutes


Seriously? Yes I don't know why but we did another WB extended-we-don't-give-you-the-full-movie-the-first-time-cut.

What to say about a poorly made film. I mean a 8 year old with iMovie could do a better editing job.

And I feel bad for bringing the 8 year old this luckluster piece of crap.

DJ says it the best. "This is the biggest disappointment of the year".


So we know you really do not want to watch this film again but hell we gave it a try. So this Sunday Funday Movie Night lets give it a GO!

All Board the WB shitliner one more time!
This time the
S. S. We fooled you again...HAHAHA (Shitty Joker laugh)

Don't worry, this time we have Ted Lange as Your Bartender!  





Suicide Squad
It feels good to be bad...Assemble a team of the world's most dangerous, incarcerated Super Villains, provide them with the most powerful arsenal at the government's disposal, and send them off on a mission to defeat an enigmatic, insuperable entity. U.S. intelligence officer Amanda Waller has determined only a secretly convened group of disparate, despicable individuals with next to nothing to lose will do. However, once they realize they weren't picked to succeed but chosen for their patent culpability when they inevitably fail, will the Suicide Squad resolve to die trying, or decide it's every man for himself?

A secret government agency, led by the ruthless, high-ranking official Amanda Waller, recruits some of the most dangerous, incarcerated villains on the planet to execute dangerous black ops missions and save the world from a potentially apocalyptic threat from a mysterious, supernatural entity. If anything goes wrong on this mission, the government will not be liable but rather can place the blame on the villains, who are inherently evil people. A small bomb is implanted in each member of the squad's neck with the capability of detonating any time one of the members tries to rebel or escape. It will be up to this assembled team of villains to prevail over the seemingly impossible events that will unfold before them, in what many deem to be a "suicide mission".







Tuesday, December 6, 2016

3 Simplistic Things: November 2016

We are approaching the New Year at a feverish pitch, and while November might not have gone the way that a lot of people wanted it to go, at least you can say 2017 can't get any worse....or can it?

Netflix on the Go....go

It's difficult to think of a time before Netflix, or streaming, or social media, or just the endless need for people to be needed and/or cut off from the rest of the world because they need to be looking down at their phone. rant end. However, now that Netflix is facing stiffer competition from the likes of Amazon Instant, it was only a matter of time before downloading and taking on the go would be an option for Big Red.

Kanye Being Kanye
So Kanye West cancelled a bunch of his tour dates after people booed him in California for saying that if he did vote, he would have voted for Donald Trump. How could he be so heartless? I mean I'm not saying he's a gold digger, but with all the flashing lights, he really should be stronger....he sucks. (Not from one of his songs....yet)

This Brings Me To.....
 ...aka, beating a dead horse...

kthnxbye guys

Friday, November 25, 2016

CUTTING ROOM FLOOR - From Podcast Ep. 78 (Part 2 of 2)

Part 2 of 2 from Podcast Ep. 78 ends up on the CUTTING ROOM FLOOR!

Topic "Grandpa Poop"
On this Thanksgiving episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys talk about turkey and Donald Trump...A Minecraft movie and Donald Trump...Shelley Duvall and Donald Trump and who would win in a fight between Dracula and the Wolfman...oh and we also genuflect to our new Presidential overlord Donald J. Drumpf...all that and more on a turkey day episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.  And that wasn't a typo, by the way.  Donald Trump's real name is Drumpf...these are facts.

Monday, November 21, 2016

CUTTING ROOM FLOOR - From Podcast Ep. 78 (Part 1 of 2)

Part 1 of 2 from Podcast Ep. 78 ends up on the CUTTING ROOM FLOOR!

Topic "EPIC!"

On this Thanksgiving episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys talk about turkey and Donald Trump...A Minecraft movie and Donald Trump...Shelley Duvall and Donald Trump and who would win in a fight between Dracula and the Wolfman...oh and we also genuflect to our new Presidential overlord Donald J. Drumpf...all that and more on a turkey day episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.  And that wasn't a typo, by the way.  Donald Trump's real name is Drumpf...these are facts.

Saturday, November 19, 2016

(Ep. 78): SR Podcast - November 2016

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

On this Thanksgiving episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys talk about turkey and Donald Trump...A Minecraft movie and Donald Trump...Shelley Duvall and Donald Trump and who would win in a fight between Dracula and the Wolfman...oh and we also genuflect to our new Presidential overlord Donald J. Drumpf...all that and more on a turkey day episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.  And that wasn't a typo, by the way.  Donald Trump's real name is Drumpf...these are facts.


NOTES
Al Bundy Fights
Wolfman's Got Nards

All Your Base Are Belong To Us
Chickens Have Come Home To Roost

MUSIC
Hail To The Chief
The Incredible Hulk Theme By Daniel Caine Orchestra
Beast Atoms By L-Beazt
Sharp Minds By L-Beazt
Cocaine Model By ZHU
By The Croft By Joakim Karud

Check us out on FacebookTwitterYouTubeLetterboxd, and Pinterest

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Op-Ed: The 2016 Election, and a new era for politics by Matt


*I am in no way a political scientist or anyone of importance. Shit, I'm just a working class stiff who also happens to host a podcast with two friends. Take that into consideration when the trolling starts.*

Fret not people, the dream isn't over...it is merely postponed...it might be a painful four years, but postponed doesn't mean it's dead.

Not much solace can be given in this time of division and what people might call one of the biggest mistakes voters have made perhaps ever, but we will persevere as a people, a community, and as human beings.

Oh behalf of DJ Valentine, and Justin Polizzi, none of us agree with how this 2016 Election ended, with a victory for now President Elect, Donald Trump. It's a scary reminder to never underestimate the power of fear mongering, and pandering to groups of people that feel that they have been swept to the side in favor of people that actual need help and representation. We live in a scared nation right now filled with people scared to lose their guns, scared that they won't have social security when they retire, scared that they can't retire on their pension, scared, scared, scared. When people are scared they don't look for what they have seen for the past eight years, they look to an alternative; they look to someone like Trump who offered them an alternative.

Trump is not an idiot, let's get that right out of the way. In fact he's a brilliant guy who conned voters into voting for him because he was an "insider" that saw the corruption that was happening in Washington, and he turned into an "outsider" who knew how to fix the problem. Can he fix the problem? Who really knows, this country has been shattered in 2016, and it's going to take a while to mend the hearts of minds of a country so greatly divided. I can see it now, Trump 2020 "It's Not My Fault I Couldn't Make America Great."

The other important takeaway is that the Republican Party now controls all aspects of the US Government, from the House to the Senate. The Supreme Court will likely tilt in the balance of the right-wing, and this can be a scary thought, but it also brings about opportunity for this country to finally get work done, albeit work that I will likely disagree with 100%. You wanted change Amerikkka, well now is your time to shine!

The Affordable Care Act will likely be repealed and replaced with something else, and it seems that Trump would like to erase all visage of the Obama Administration. It's a sad time for many people who think that eight years of progress will likely go down the drain, and you might even consider that over 60 years of progress for this nation will be rolled back as well. That's a bit of a stretch, but you have to consider that, it's incredibly frightening.

So where do we go from here? Well for one, we need to carry on and continue to live. Of course it's good to mourn, for many of us this is a day of mourning. The proverbial rug was just pulled out from under us and we face planted onto the hard concrete of reality. We were promised that Trump wouldn't go far. He was a nightly punchline for the likes of Bill Maher, the cast of SNL, and John Oliver, but this is the new reality that we have to face; we have this man as our 45th President of the United States. Yes, a man who fired Flava Flav from a reality show, a "man" that brags about sexual assault on women, a man who likely hasn't paid federal taxes in a long time and brags about it, a man who believes in something called "Extreme Vetting," and a man who's Twitter account had to be taken away from him like a child. This is the best that we have right now. This man. Donald J Trump.

So what's next for this "great" country? Who the hell really knows. It all still seems so surreal to think that Trump is president. Perhaps we were spoiled with eight years of having a Commander in Chief, while not perfect, was an inspiration to millions. Barack Obama had his ups-and-downs, but you can't take away his class, charm, ability to form proper sentences, and the way that he carried himself. The odds were stacked against him from the start, yet he still found ways to at least try and get things done. He treated people with integrity and dignity, and I was proud to know that we had a leader that at least tried to lead instead instead of "lame ducking" it for the last two years of his presidency. He had to deal with preposterous claims, namely from our new President, that he wasn't born in the United States, and he handled it with class.

The last thing we need to remember is that the blame is to be shared. We created this monster, this Trumpenstein if you will. We patronized his hotels, we watched his reality TV shows, we went to his universities, we bought his steaks, we putted on his greens, and we all thought he didn't have a snowball's chance in Hell. Well I heard that Satan just put on his snow boots because it's going to be a cold four (or even more) years in not just this country, but around the globe.

The chickens have finally come home to roost....or whatever the fuck that means....

Monday, November 7, 2016

3 Simplistic Things: October 2016

Halloween has come and gone, and so we enter the final two months of the year, including a big election the likes of which many of us have never seen before (yes, Obama was a big deal). But now we have to deal with the decision of electing a e-mail-deleting "nasty woman" or a xenophobic, racist in a red Made in China "Make America Great Again."

"Moore" of the Same
From our good friend Michael Moore comes another documentary about our failed political landscape. More in line to a college commencement speech, "Michael Moore in Trumpland" essentially rails on Trump while "praising" Clinton. But you be the one to decide.

Tarantino's Dead...pool
This is something weird that was floating around the Internet last month after the news broke the Time Miller had left "Deadpool 2." Of course fanboys blew their load on the likelihood that one of the last great directors we have working today would throw his hat into the ring on a comic book sequel...but c'mon.

Gimme Five!
Well, this was news just because of the shear insanity of adapting a book that is only 128-pages and squeezing not two, not three, not even four, but FIVE films out of "Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them." But never underestimate the power of Potter-heads.

That's me for this month...kthnxbye.

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

The People Under the Stairs

The People Under the Stairs: Unique

R
 1991 ‧ Mystery/Thriller ‧ 1h 42m

 Trailer

When young Fool (Brandon Adams) breaks into the home of his family's greedy and uncaring landlords, he discovers a disturbing scenario where incestuous adult siblings have mutilated a number of boys and kept them imprisoned under stairs in their large, creepy house. As Fool attempts to flee before the psychopaths can catch him, he meets their daughter, Alice (A.J. Langer), who has been spared any extreme discipline by her deranged parents. Can Fool and Alice escape before it's too late?

Release date: November 1, 1991
Director: Wes Craven

It's time for something to help out that Halloween hangover you have. Best way is to watch, The People Under the Stairs!

The People Under the Stairs is one of Wes Craven's most interesting and unique films. This is a film that should be seen by any movie buff. The creativity alone makes this film a must see for anyone. I first saw The People Under the Stairs when I was around 14. It left a very good impression on me, one that would sneak up in the back of my mind every now and then. This year for Halloween I just had to watch it, there isn't anything close to it.

"This is the perfect film to explain how uncreative hollywood has gotten. I only wish films this unique still came out in theaters today."



I do not want to talk a dime about the film.
If you never saw it, trust me its best to go in blind.
The People Under the Stairs is a crazy good film. It's entertaining right to the last frame. Be warned it does go out of this world wacky but that only adds to the uniqueness to a film that is as highly entertaining as this.

Go check it out if you can! 






Sunday, October 30, 2016

Night of the Slasher

Night of the Slasher - Homage
HOMAGE

A list of things to enjoy in 11 minutes:

-A bowl of soup
-Reading a great article in a magazine
-Taking a good crap
-Watching a YouTube video (hopefully one of ours)
-Having a good wank
-Enjoying the pleasures of another

I mean right there, that's a pretty good list. But let's add one more to that list now. Watching the short horror film "Night of the Slasher."

Now, this is something that I've been on the hunt for for a while. It hit the festival circuit pretty hard and gained a loyal following of fans ever since. Now, since the Internet is such a wonderful (but still horrible) invention, anyone who missed it while it did its rounds, can see it in all its HD glory right on Vimeo!

The plot, simply put, puts a young, big-chested, scantily clad young lady in the cross hairs of a Spock-mask wearing slasher as she desecrates the hollowed trinity of slasher movie sins; drink, do drugs, and have sex.

The added gimmick is that the short is filmed all in one take. There are a ton of whip pans throughout the short so I'm skeptical on the technique as those pans would be easy ways to hide an edit or two, but overall the camerawork is neat, the acting is fun, and the overall premise is entertaining and.....fun. It's a perfect homage for those who grew up on slasher horror of the 1980s. Every cliche is throw into this short and it's proof positive that Shant Hamassian grew up on this genre.

Do yourself a favor and CLICK HERE, and enjoy "Night of the Slasher."

Friday, October 28, 2016

Ouija: Origin of Evil


   Ouija 2 - Origin of Evil: Enjoyable

2016 ‧ Thriller/Horror ‧ 1h 39m
 
In 1967 Los Angeles, widowed mother Alice Zander (Elizabeth Reaser) unwittingly invites authentic evil into her home by adding a new stunt to bolster her séance scam business. When the merciless spirit overtakes her youngest daughter Doris (Lulu Wilson), the small family must confront unthinkable fears to save her and send her possessor back to the other side.
Release date: October 21, 2016
Director: Mike Flanagan


I don't really know what to say here but I kinda enjoyed this movie. That's right, yep I enjoyed Ouija 2. You know that board game that Universal Pictures made into a movie a few years back? It did somewhat good, despite it being a poor excuse of what qualifies for a movie. It was one of the worst movies I have seen and still they decided to make a sequel, and not just a sequel but a time period prequel that Justin somehow enjoyed watching.

"A prequel superior to its predecessor"


Okay. First lets just get this out of the way. Studios are scratching the barrel for ideas that already have somewhat of a foundation. Original ideas are all but lost. Remakes, sequels and re-imagined all but rule at the box offices. And we just had "the worst summer of movies" and the future doesn't seem like any of this will be changing.

Ouija 2: Origin of Evil recently came out with me not hearing a damn thing about it. It was last Podcast Ep. 77 when we saw a sequel had already been out and the ratings were pretty solid. I was shocked and couldn't believe this was out. On top of that it was rated extremely better then the first one. A few nights later I was able to leave work early and I decide I would go check it out.


And yes I enjoyed it! Was it the best film a saw in years? No but it was pretty fun to watch. The thing about Ouija 2 is it kinda knows what it is. With the first one everything was taken so serious but here things are a bit more tight and laughed about. In fact there is a couple funny moments in this film that played very well with the audience (Maybe 20 in the showing). It was one of those films where people were yelling out stuff at the crappy moments and laughing at the jokes. Sure the movie isn't perfect but damn I kinda enjoyed watching it. Let me just state my reason of liking it was do to the fact it was goofy and crew I believe knew right down to the script what this film really would be. The first film thought is was scary, yet it wasn't and even the bad was nothing to laugh at.

Ouija: Origin of Evil was an enjoying film to watch at the theater. Surprising but a joy to watch. Thumbs up Mike Flanagan!







Thursday, October 27, 2016

Millennial Horror - 2002 Halloween: Resurrection

Halloween: Resurrection - Sad

SAD

Suffice to say, the "Halloween" franchise has had it's ups-and-downs. While the 1978 classic is universally revered and beloved for it's villain and perfection of the "slasher" genre in horror, from "Halloween 2" onward, the luster faded quickly. Personally, I love the "Halloween" franchise despite the degeneration in quality over the years, but nothing could have prepared me for what I would see in the "final" installment of the canon story-line (I'm not counting the Rob Zombie versions). "Halloween: Resurrection" is that special kind of film that will surely leave you wondering, "what in the actual f*ck...."

The easy way to review this film is that while some people might think it's funny, it's incredibly cringe-worthy, and the final EPIC fight between Michael Myers and Busta Rhymes (yes, Busta Rhymes) is just sad, sad, and sad. In it's own way, its now a punching bag for how bad acting and horror had become in 2002.

The only interesting thing about this film is the fate of Jamie Lee Curtis' Laurie Strode, which is ballsy, but not all that surprising as the series had grown so stale that something drastic had to be done, is the lead thoroughly buried enough for you?

That's all that can really be said about "Halloween: Resurrection." It's just that bad that actually thinking about it just make me want to stop thinking about it....I mean this film was so bad where it was at this point where the decision was made to go through with an entire remake/reboot/re-hash, whatever you want to call it.

The cast is a laughable group of stereotypes that we've all seen in numerous other "teen-centric" fare, but Tyra Banks and Busta Rhymes, the zeitgeist at the time, like I've said before, put a rapper and/or a model in a horror film, boom, Marketing 101. The film will suck, but at least that first week at the box office will be gangbusters.

You might think, "Wow, Matt loves horror...why is he ripping this movie apart?" Well, just let the clip(s) below marinate and I'll get back to you on the next review....


Wednesday, October 26, 2016

CUTTING ROOM FLOOR - From Podcast Ep. 77

A clip cut from Podcast Ep. 77 ends up on the CUTTING ROOM FLOOR!

On this spooktacular Halloween episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys discuss everything that goes bump in the night...from Deadpool director woes to a Captain Planet film from Leo. Matthew solves the mystery that is the Madea films. And the boys try to guess each other's Halloween costumes in a segment we're calling What Are You Supposed To Be. All that and more on this pumpkin spice latte version of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.


Tuesday, October 25, 2016

CUTTING ROOM FLOOR - From Podcast Ep. 76

A clip cut from Podcast Ep. 76 ends up on the CUTTING ROOM FLOOR!

Podcast 76

Hey everyone! Welcome to another Movie Commentary. Halloween is creeping up on us so we're continuing with some more movies about murdering. Only this time its a grown man trapped into the workings of a children's doll. (Cue Disney themed music)

Whats that?! Another bloody movie commentary that involves children? Yeah we know. Listen we didn't plan this out, it was purely random. But hey guess what? Luck is on our side because Child's Play 2 is a million times better then that last one, especially in story structure.

So sit back and watch out for that old toy you forgot about in your closet. You know the one that you witness a man doing black magic on when Dad and you went to the bank that one time. Sure you remember, don't you? You know when the cops came and shot up the place? And as he pulled his bullet riddled-bloody body, he knew the only way to live was to transport his soul into your favorite toy?

No...why would you...that was me.




Monday, October 24, 2016

(Ep. 77): SR Podcast - October 2016




FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

On this spooktacular Halloween episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys discuss everything that goes bump in the night...from Deadpool director woes to a Captain Planet film from Leo. Matthew solves the mystery that is the Madea films. And the boys try to guess each other's Halloween costumes in a segment we're calling What Are You Supposed To Be. All that and more on this pumpkin spice latte version of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.

NOTES
Madea film
Westworld
John Phillips
Pitch
Captain Planet by Leo

MUSIC
Halloween Theme by John Carpenter
It's The Great Pumpkin Waltz by Vince Guaraldi
Who Can It Be Now by Men At Work 


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Friday, October 21, 2016

(Ep.76): Child's Play 2 - Movie Commentary: Oct 2016



Child's Play 2 

Play trailer on YouTube

1990 Slasher/Thriller1h 24m  

Movie Commentary Friday! (Is that a thing?)
Hey everyone! Welcome to another Movie Commentary. Halloween is creeping up on us so we're continuing with some more movies about murdering. Only this time its a grown man trapped into the workings of a children's doll. (Cue Disney themed music)

Whats that?! Another bloody movie commentary that involves children? Yeah we know. Listen we didn't plan this out, it was purely random. But hey guess what? Luck is on our side because Child's Play 2 is a million times better then that last one, especially in story structure.

So sit back and watch out for that old toy you forgot about in your closet. You know the one that you witness a man doing black magic on when Dad and you went to the bank that one time. Sure you remember, don't you? You know when the cops came and shot up the place? And as he pulled his bullet riddled-bloody body, he knew the only way to live was to transport his soul into your favorite toy?

No...why would you...that was me.






Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Announcement! ---UPDATE--- We're BACK ONLINE!

UPDATE
Podcasts are back online.
Find them at...

iTunes:
Google Play Music:
Tunein: 
Sticher: 

 __________________________________________________________________

Hey everyone! Podcasts will be back up soon. We have been moving things around and doing some cool things. Youtube still has the podcasts to fill that listening cavity.

Give use a few more days and all will be back! Thanks everyone!

Friday, October 14, 2016

Trailer Hot Take: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story Trailer #2

Full disclosure: Up to this point, I had really only seen the teaser trailers. I'm trying to go into this newest, or older, Star Wars experience with as little information as possible. Of course, many of us know the fate of the people we are going to meet in "Rogue One" but it's going to be the journey and emotional attachment that we fell when we all watch this one, two three, four, or however many times you're going to decide to see this in the theater (I'll dial it back from my seven times in the theater for "The Force Awakens").

Without further adieu, let's breakdown some of the highlights from this newest trailer for "Rogue One."
It's always cool to see a moisture evaporator with an Empire transport ship in the background

Looks like Mads is filming a sequel for both Valhalla Rising and Doctor Strange at the same time
Jyn in a cage with an alien friend
Jedi Rock Formations...but on what planet?
Rogue....Rogue One
Krennic speaking with the Dark Lord of the Sith himself
We have hope....Rebellions are built on hope...

This still doesn't do true justice to what is actually happening here...
Definitely reminds me of a young Zev Senesca
The goosebump moment that we all knew was coming, but still....

Overall, a bone-chilling trailer that should put to sleep most of the bad publicity this film has been getting the last few months. This trailer plays to many emotions, and yes, while some of the dialogue and catchphrases will come off as a tad bit contrite and cliche, that doesn't mean this is going to be a bad film, not one bit. Is it a Hollywood Blockbuster? Of course, but this trailer sold to me the notion that the people making this little "one-off stories" care about the lore, fans, and the universe that has been expertly crafted, most of the time, since 1977.

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

3 Simplistic Things: September 2016

A little late getting around to this post, but here goes nothing...

We had a "Debate"
If that's what you want to call it...let's face it, we're fu*ked either way....

Fear of a Black Man-let
The early returns are in, and while Netflix's Luke Cage is a solid show, critics are pretty split. Of yeah, and this show proves that white people still are still scared of strong and independent black characters and themes that don't support their white agenda....and a white guy is writing this! White AmeriKKKa...please grow up and just appreciate progress...

The Day the Radio Died

Enough said....

Til next month folks....kthnxbye

Friday, October 7, 2016

Millennial Horror - 2001: Thir13en Ghosts

THERE
Thir13en Ghosts -There

Getting into the 2016 Halloween spirit, we are going to pick up right where we left off in 2015. In case you missed it, "Scream 3" was our last attempt and to keep the good times rolling let's revisit another lackluster horror attempt from the early 2000s, namely 2001, with "Thir13en Ghosts" a remake of William Castle's 1960 classic "13 Ghosts."

To be honest, this isn't a bad film. It's got some great set pieces, I love the ghost designs, and the stories behind them, but just like most Dark Castle-produced, there always seems to be something missing. Maybe it's the lack of scares, the over, or poor, acting, or maybe even the inclusion of dated pop culture zeitgeist, ie, Marilyn Manson's "Sweet Dreams' in "The House on Haunted Hill" and using rappers as actors (stay tuned for a review from a film for 2002 coming soon). I guess at the end of the day, you have to take the good with the bad.

The gist of "Ghosts" is that there is this guy trying to collect ghosts in order to powerful machine that would essentially make him a god. He is only missing the Thirteenth Ghost in order to finally bring the machine to full power. A pretty straight forward plot that is at times style-over-substance, but just like many Dark Castle-produced fare, the films are dumb and fun.

The ghosts in the film are interesting, each with their own little mythology and the makeup effects are really quite impressive. With so much emphasis on digital effects in modern horror, it's great to see actual, live people in costumes, it really is a lost art.

The acting is pretty hokey and just plain bad, but again, you take the good with the bad and it doesn't take you out of the film too badly, but yeah, when it's bad, it's bad.

Overall, "Ghosts" is a fun little remake with some nice production design, but plenty of flaws, but that doesn't mean it's unwatchable, besides maybe Rah Digga's acting, you won't be spitting bars, you might just spit up.

Ep. 75: Beware! Children at Play - Movie Commentary: October 2016

Welcome to another Friday Night Family Movie Night!

 Beware! Children at Play

1hr 34mins | Horror | 1989


Well that happened...

DJ and Justin just watched Beware Children at Play. And...Well...It's not so great. It is a slow boring movie that only picks up right at the end. Sure the topic of murdering demoniac crazy children is a fun idea to use in a movie but if you don't do anything with it then its pretty lousy. Hopefully the movie next time is a bit more enjoyable to watch, because even though this trailer looked amazing, the final product was just lame.







:)









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