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Saturday, June 17, 2017

The Best of Armond White: (A Retrospective) Part Four

All good things much come to an end, and we're going to end this retrospective with something very special and something we can all relate to. Hate; deep-seeded, unadulterated hate. We love hate on the Internet, it's what created the Internet and what makes it so wonderful!

Suicide Squad (2016): 25% RT Score

Armond Says: Think metaphorically again, and see that Suicide Squad entangles post-Vietnam and post-9/11 notions about heroism and citizenship...Suicide Squad is The Dirty Dozen for millennial viewers (and voters), who think their patriotic moral conflict is new.

Matt Says: Well that's one way to put it. You could also say that "Suicide Squad" is a film bloated beyond repair with what we could agree on is one of the worst villains in recent comic book films. But on the other hand this film has been beaten to death and saying anything else about it is just white noise.

Green Lantern (2011): 26% RT Score

Armond Says: The F/X of Hal creating objects out of his ring's green light are successfully, modestly fantastic. Such professionalism needn't resort to dumb stereotyping.

Matt Says: There's no doubt some of the effects were done nicely, but there was no saving this film from itself. An early blunder by DC that would set the tone for many of it's future failures.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011): 32% RT Score

Armond Says: Depp's caricature is so far past its expiration date that it forces speculation about the actor's own movie stardom.

Matt Says: It's safe to say that the ship has sailed on Jack Sparrow, and this film just kicked sand in the audiences' faces.

Red Riding Hood (2011): 11% RT Score

Armond Says: Too bad Hardwicke didn't adapt The Scarlet Letter -- better yet, she could have transformed the asinine Easy A.

Matt Says: You get a two for one with this one. Not sure I understand the hate for "Easy A," it was fun enough, but we can agree on that "Red Hiding Hood" should have stayed under the hood.

Morning Glory (2010): 56% RT Score

Armond Says: Morning Glory is just routine Hollywood dishonesty (with the most annoying song-score since Juno) and wastes its stars.

Matt Says: Another two-for-one with a dig at "Juno." I can't speak much for "Morning Glory," as a film; it was forgotten about just as quickly as it was watched.

The Heartbreak Kid (2007): 29% RT Score

Armond Says: We deserve better than this and expect better from the Farrellys.

Matt Says: Personally I haven't expected much from the Farrellys since "Kingpin."

88 Minutes (2008): 5% RT Score 


Armond Says: 88 Minutes plays like a script Tom Cruise rejected back in the '90s, forcing Pacino to run -- across campus, across town, through parking garages, up and down stairs.

Matt Says: Let's be honest, Pacino isn't a very good runner onscreen. Just see "Insomnia" and "Heat" for prime examples of old men running poorly.

The Happening (2008): 18% RT Score 


Armond Says: A better title for M. Night Shyamalan's The Happening would be Nonsense. It's like an amusement park ride that has no reason for being -- and no meaning -- besides visceral excitation. Only difference is that The Happening isn't fun.

Matt Says: Yeah, this film just isn't good. I mean, it's just bad. You'll wish you were the person laying down in front of a riding mower.

Well there it is folks. You've seen the good, the bad, and the ugly. In the Wild West that is Rotten Tomatoes there is a lot of blame to go around. However, the beauty of RT is the fact that it gives everyone a voice. Critics aren't going to agree with audiences, and vice versa. But speaking from both a critic and a member of the audience; just go and watch film. Watch the worst of the worst and the best of the best. If you truly want to be part of the conversation, you need to see it all.

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