one word reviews of Movies and TV

Wednesday, August 15, 2018

A Not So Simplistic Review: Blackkklansman


The simple answer; yes, "Blackkklanssman" is very very good. The more complicated thing about Spike Lee's latest is why in 2018, over 160 years after emancipation and over 75 years after World War II and The Holocaust, are we still as fractured as ever? Why are we dooming to repeat the same mistakes generation after generation and why are we choosing to elect politicians on the confidence of making things great again and essentially saying, "If It Ain't White, It Ain't Right." Why are we still at this point in America, or should I say, why did we try and decide to make some progress and immediately decide to go back to pre-Civil Rights America? I have no clue...

Probably his best outing since "Inside Man" Lee, with a little help from Jordan Peele, has crafted a film that is filled with humor, horror, tension, and necessary evil. No punches are pulled in "Blackkklansman" and while you'll be laughing one minute, you'll be scratching your head and on the verge of tears, filled with dread at the thought that only a year ago we witnessed the horror of Charlottesville, and I'm not just talking about white guys with bad haircuts equipped with tiki torches spouting off racist epitaphs, but just how little we've learned and how far we've sunk as a society. I'm white and Jewish, and sad about where we are right now. This is something we all have to FACE.

"Blackkklansman" is not only a film to watch, but also experience for expressing the current zeitgeist we are all going through. From "Do the Right Thing" to now, Spike Lee has created something timely, important, and horrific. FACE it, you need to watch this.

Tuesday, August 14, 2018

A Simplistic Review: Eraser


For a long time, Arnold Schwartzenegger was pretty much untouchable. His films printed money. "The Terminator," "Predator," "Terminator 2," the guy was teflon. But in came the mid-90s and suddenly there was this downfall...and of course his turn as the Governator of California.

"Eraser" isn't a bad film, it's actually quite fun, the the shark jumping, or should I say gator jumping that takes place in this one, is a little over the top. But yeah, you also get Vanessa Williams, who is decent enough, and possibly the hammiest performance of James Caan's career. It's like it Sonny Corleone joined the CIA and was taking poppers at the same time. Just no fist-biting this time kids...

Sunday, August 12, 2018

A Simplistic Review: Better Luck Tomorrow


Before all the "Fast and the Furious" sequels, Justin Lin was making films like "Better Luck Tomorrow." It's a pretty paint-by-numbers flick, but there is something that draws me in. Before MTV went full in on "Teen Mom" and "Jersey Shore" they used to be involved in some great films like "Election" and this film.

"Luck" explores the "plight" of six Asian-American overachievers bored with their lives who either decide to star in porn or start committing up petty crimes, and eventually murder. There are some interesting socio-political ideas here when it comes to achievement and how Asian-Americans are perceived by their peers, and it's expertly shot. It's one of those lost gems that really gets lost in time.

Thursday, August 9, 2018

Wednesday, August 8, 2018

A Simplistic Review: Accepted


So in re-watching "Accepted" I finally realized why a kind of like it; it's a college version of "Camp Nowhere" which I've always enjoyed, in the way that I still enjoy "The Sandlot" and any other campy and disposable coming-of-age film.

But I also find the overuse and constant smarm of Johan Hill and Justin Long in addition to the insanity and rantings of Lewis Black grating and exhausting, but overall this is an acceptable comedy that has a likable band of misfits and underdogs.

Thursday, August 2, 2018

Uncle Sam


So you may have notice we did a movie commentary on Uncle Sam and if you didn’t well I guess shameless plug for us. But honestly you can’t get more American then this film. What other country can you finance a film about it’s patriotic symbol and have him murder people on that country’s birthday. Uncle Sam is a crappy film but that’s okay. It’s the perfect entertainment to enjoy with the freedoms we get when some in other parts of the world don’t. Uncle Sam a stupid slasher film that fills the appetite.

Wednesday, August 1, 2018

A Simplistic Review: Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation


I consider the first three "Mission Impossible" standalone flicks and the best way to enjoy "Ghost Protocol" and "Rogue Nation" is watching back-to-back and seeing them as one long film, similar to how a lot of people think about "Casino Royale" and "Quantum of Solace."

There is a certain stride "Rogue Nation" hits where we finally get a villain to watch, and seeing the entire gang back together is fun with a bigger role for Simon Pegg who steals most of the show...but still doesn't get to wear a mask...

Monday, July 30, 2018

(Ep. 108): Uncle Sam - Movie Commentary: July 2018

Uncle Sam

R 1996 ‧ Slasher/Horror ‧ 1h 30m
A Gulf War veteran rises from the dead to wreak vengeance upon unpatriotic residents of his hometown.
Initial release: 1996
Director: William Lustig
Release date: 1996 (Greece)
Budget: 2 million USD
Screenplay: Larry Cohen

Because you asked for it, here it is... Uncle Sam! 

The classic blockbuster video rental slasher is a great way to celebrate America's birthday! Nothing like some patriotic killing to make us American hard. Okay children grab that flag and those sparklers, bite into your U.S. grade hamburgers and pop in Uncle Sam...This is Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary!


Sunday, July 29, 2018

A Simplistic Review: Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol



I guess to get to the good stuff...you have to go by the numbers and set a baseline. Having just seen "Ghost Protocol" for the first time, I understand the problem it had when it came out. It really only works as a companion to the following film, "Rogue Nation" and it had to follow up the best in the series, for my money "M:I III." This one reminds me too much of the 1996 original and it comes off feeling procedural and flat

Saturday, July 28, 2018

A Simplistic Review: Kingsman: The Golden Circle

Same director...same cast...same crazy sh*t, but why didn't people like this "Kingsman" as much as the last one? Snobs, and who knows...Sure. would I say this one takes a step back from it's predecessor...maybe, but it's not by much. Mark Strong is so good btw...

Wednesday, July 25, 2018

24: Season Two

When you follow a historic season things seem like they would of been tough. But for 24: Season Two everything came off way too easy and instead the writers wrote an even better season.

For fans of 24, Season 2 will always be the reason George Mason will never leave our minds. Thanks Mason!

The second season is set 18 months after season one. The season's main plot follows the work of now-U.S. President David Palmer and agent Jack Bauer to stop terrorists from detonating a nuclear bomb in Los Angeles. Introduced into the situation is Kate Warner, a woman who ends up getting vital information related to CTU's mission.

Tuesday, July 24, 2018

A Simplistic Review: Back to the Future III


For all the confusion you might run into with the "Back to the Future" series with it's time travel problems and breaks in scientific logic, you have to admit that "BttF III" is tons of fun and the easiest to follow.

Sure, it has it's flaws of weaving in a weird love story for Doc Brown, but anything in the Wild West is fun and hits a Bullseye despite what Bob Gale might say.

Monday, July 23, 2018

A Simplistic Review: Hannibal

One day, we'll look back at the fact that "Hannibal" is actually very very good despite what book snobs might consider an inferior ending, but do most people know how the book actually ended, and could you believe the uproar! Oh, and btw, Gary Oldman...is well...great...

I'll even go as far as saying I enjoy this more than "The Silence of the Lambs" but again, the more gore, the better, and "Hannibal" has crimson stuff to spare.

Sunday, July 22, 2018

24: Season One



Premiering November 6, 2001 - 24 aired it's first episode marking the beginning of one of the greatest shows to ever appear on TV. Season one is simply "Historic".

Counterterrorism agent Jack Bauer fights the bad guys of the world, a day at a time. With each week's episode unfolding in real time, "24" covers a single day in the life of Bauer each season. Jack deals with assassination attempts, nuclear attacks, bioterrorism, torture, traitors, sleeper cells, other bad guys and the alarming tendency for his romances to end badly -- very badly.

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

(Ep. 107): The Simplistic Reviews Podcast: July 2018


 It's July, so that means it's time for a Summer blowout episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast. We broach many subjects including Star Wars' big problem, Robocop reboots, Chris Hardwick's troubles, and the Naked Gun. Yes...that assortment of subjects has never been collectively tackled before.

Also Justin is put on the hot seat for the new segment 'Questions From The Crowd.'

DJ and Justin go crazy with their love for the television show, '24.' And the boys try and figure out films by their last line in the new game, 'Simplistic Last Lines.' All that and more on this new episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.
NOTES


MUSIC

Fast Times Club By Idols

Gold Medal By Sounds Like Sander

4. For Losing It By The Triads

Tuesday, July 3, 2018

(Ep. 106): Ring of the Musketeers - Movie Commentary: July 2018


Ring of the Musketeers
PG-13 1992 ‧ Action/Adventure ‧ 1h 26m


As descendants of the original Three Musketeers, Peter Porthos (Thomas Gottschalk), John Smith D'Artagnan (David Hasselhoff) and Anne-Marie Athos (Alison Doody) are continuing the chivalrous tradition of protecting those who can't protect themselves, carrying it into the modern age. Rather than fighting lords and counts, these Musketeers have the Mafia to deal with, but they're aided by reformed burglar Burt Aramis (Cheech Marin), the newly knighted fourth Musketeer.

Initial release: December 1, 1992 (Germany)
Director: John Paragon
Production company: Motion Picture Corporation of America
Screenplay: John Paragon, Joel Surnow
Producers:Brad Krevoy, Steven Stabler


Plug that VHS player back in! It time for some David Hasselhoff! That's right, today we watch the Ring of the Musketeers. A made for TV film that... well... nobody remembers.  But when you have a modern day (90's) Musketeers film that has a cast that contains the Hoff, Cheech Marin, Alison Doody, John Rhys-Davies, Corbin Bernsen, Timothy Stack, Ricky Jay and Branscombe Richmond. You pretty much stop whatever you are doing and pop this VHS in.

So fix that tracking and enjoy that mono audio (yes this VHS wasn't in stereo) and repeat, Unus pro omnibus, omnes pro uno! Because we do this together ladies and gents! This is the Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary of Ring of the Musketeers!
                       

Monday, June 11, 2018

(Ep. 105): The Simplistic Reviews Podcast: June 2018


School might be out for summer, but not the Simplistic Reviews Podcast. We are back with special guest Dan "The Comic Book Concierge" Clark from The GeekCast Radio Network and CinemaGeeks Podcast, a couple of call-in friends of ours stop by, and we discuss everything from IHOP changing to IHOB, Hailee Steinfeld having Shape Of Water sex with an Autobot, and of course, the real problem with Hitler...you're gonna have to listen to find out what the hell that means on a brand new episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.

NOTES
IHOB
David Tyree
Get A Life

MUSIC
Neon Love By Jeff Dale, Gavin Harrison, and Tim Reilly
Five Dollar Bill By Jason Pedder & Ben Ziapour
Midnight Ride By Richard Kimmings & Jason Pedder
Variety Time By Tim Garland

Friday, June 1, 2018

(Ep. 104): Justice League - Movie Commentary: June 2018

Justice League

PG-13  2017 ‧ Fantasy/Science fiction film ‧ 2 hours

Fuelled by his restored faith in humanity, and inspired by Superman's selfless act, Bruce Wayne enlists newfound ally Diana Prince to face an even greater threat. Together, Batman and Wonder Woman work quickly to recruit a team to stand against this newly-awakened enemy. Despite the formation of an unprecedented league of heroes in Batman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Cyborg and the Flash, it may be too late to save the planet from an assault of catastrophic proportions.
Initial release: November 15, 2017 (Sweden)
Director: Zack Snyder
Initial DVD release: March 13, 2018 (USA)

Box office: 657.9 million USD


Well... like DJ mentioned, we kept going with these damn DCU movie commentaries. We didn't really want to watch JL but we had to get it over with.

But hey it is still better then Batman V Superman Dawn of Justice, that's something right? Don't worry we will get back to the crappy but fun films that include a good old T&A drinking game.

So sit back and enjoy a okay film that's somewhat coherent and looks a ton better then Dawn of Justice. Grab that beer and laugh at the terrible CG... and that laughable mustache removal...man that was horrible.

Oh and we added a new gimmick. Starting with Justice League, after every movie commentary we'll spin a wheel to find out what we watch next. Fun stuff!

Today we took a spin on our new wheel!!!

We spun The Wheel of Doom (TM) a collection of request films by viewers like you!

...and we get something odd. Hint: It involves the Musketeers and David Hasselhoff...yep the HOFF...nothing but fun...


Hey did you know: Justice League is the fourth-most-expensive film ever made. Amazing is it not?! wikipedia.org



















Sunday, May 20, 2018

DJ Rambles About Revenge (2017)

INSUFFICIENT
Of all the subgenres in film, I'm kind of a sucker for a good revenge flick.  The Count Of Monte Cristo, Kill Bill, The Crow, Django Unchained, John Wick, Gladiator, The Outlaw Josey Wales.  They are all films that are the quickest to grab my attention in terms of understanding the needs of the character.  A tale of someone seeking justice without the hindrance of rules or morals.  One of the granddaddies of them all is the 1978 exploitation film, I Spit On Your Grave.  The film I'm reviewing here, Revenge, does not come close to the gory exploitiveness of an I Spit On Your Grave.  However, one can't help but feel that Revenge is a bit of an echo to what I Spit On Your Grave left, for better or worse.

The glitzy colors mixed with the minimalism of narrative makes Revenge feel like a Jonathan Glazer film (Sexy Beast, Under The Skin) by way of the late great Tony Scott (Literally every film in the '90s).  It actually comes to us from French director, Coralie Fargeat.  It tells the tale of a "party girl" named Jen who, while on vacation with her married boyfriend, suddenly finds herself attacked, left for dead, and miraculously saved allowing her to seek her vengeance.  And though it seems like I'm being vague to avoid spoilers, Revenge's plot doesn't get much more intricate than that.  Since we come directly into the middle of a pretty cliched situation between the characters and don't know or learn much about them, there really isn't much for me to cling to in terms of their goodness or badness.  This is a big part, for me at least, in getting the intended catharsis of any revenge film.

We know how good of a man and how despicable of a person Maximus and Commodus are respectively before the inciting incident and quest for revenge takes place in Gladiator.  Characters do nothing but talk about the character of John Wick and the reasons he got out and why it's really bad that he's coming in his film.  Same with William Munny in Unforgiven, or the Bride in Kill Bill, or John Creasy in Man On Fire, or Khan Noonien Singh in Wrath Of Khan.  Because we know so little about Jen her man and her man's friends, we are left to just focus on the incident and titular revenge, weakening the overall catharsis.  In short, you care less because you're given hardly anything to care about.  A stripped down revenge flick was likely Fargeat's intention, along with the idea of just having a normal victimized female brutally confronting her attackers. (A clear commentary on the social climate we are living in today with victims of physical and psychological abuse fearlessly fighting back against their abusers.) 

As I alluded to before, the visuals of the film are really well done, as well as the accompanying synthy score by Robin Coudert.  Fargeat has a great eye, a flair for symbolic imagery and a bright future ahead of her.  As far as debut feature film outings go, Revenge is not bad at all.  It just left me feeling unfulfilled near the end, making it an INSUFFICIENT tale of revenge, in my opinion.  Maybe I have to watch it again.  Maybe you have to watch it too...and then tell me I'm wrong.

Monday, May 14, 2018

DJ Rambles About Terminal

WASTE
What exactly...is Terminal?  No, no...that wasn't some highfalutin or artsy attempt to start this review.  I seriously don't know what this film is.  Is it an exercise in the limits of neon lighting cinematography?  Is it another neo-noir vehicle starring Margot Robbie that stumbles at the starting gate and never fully recovers? (I see you Suicide Squad) Is it a love letter to an era where Hollywood spit out movies like this seemingly every week, but comes closer to being a love letter written using cut out pieces of various periodicals, making the reader/viewer feel uncomfortable and frightened?  It is likely all of those things.  In short...though longer than our one word review...Terminal is a cavalcade of mistakes, wheel-spinning WASTES of time trying to masquerade as crafty foreshadowing, and performances given by actors I love that bounce around in tone and coherence like an annoying child's pink rubber ball.  What is this film?

Terminal stars the aforementioned Margot Robbie along with the great Simon Pegg, Mike Myers, and Guy Ritchie vet, Dexter Fletcher.  It is about a femme fatale named Annie, played by Robbie, as she manipulates several seedy characters into playing a dangerous game of sex, death, and double-crosses.  It comes to us from writer/director Vaughn Stein from...from...well...nothing really. (At best I could find was Third Assistant Director for World War Z.  Yeah, that's a thing.)  I'm doing my best to avoid spoiling a plot that, if you see Terminal, will likely frustrate you into wondering why I even bothered.

I remember after Pulp Fiction became a cultural phenomena in the mid '90s, copy cat films sprung up like wild fire trying to capture the same magic.  Terminal feels like one of those films.  Not Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead or Go type quality.  More like The Big Hit and 2 Days In The Valley type quality.  The overly written dialogue with segues that seem innocuous until later.  The twists that feel more confusing and convoluted than clever.  The hyper-stylized visuals used to distract from the lack of substance.  The overly heavy-handed symbolism regarding a previous work of fiction.  I'm sure the early twenties version of me might have had the DVD of Terminal in my dorm room and plopped it on after coming home from some drunken rager.  It might have even garnered a cult following like some of those films over the years due to nostalgic blinders.  However, the older me, the one that kinda sees the strings a little better, just watched Terminal with this apropos expression on my face:
To Terminal's credit, there is a literal side mission, in terms of the plot, that involves Simon Pegg's character that comes off as vaguely interesting.  If only it were the entire plot of the film.  If it were expanded to be all of Terminal, leaving aside the main cat and mouse hitman mystery, this might have been something.  But before you know it, the side mission ends and we are thrust back into a main plot that makes little to no sense and amasses little to no interest.

Margot Robbie has recently proven with I, Tonya that she brings more to the table than roles like this.  This is paint by numbers for her in this, with little to no meat for her to chew on that she hasn't devoured before in better stuff.  I appreciated that Mike Myers seemed to want to branch out of comedy and take some roles that showed off all of his talents.  This role is hardly it.  Simon Pegg is always charismatic and fun to watch.  However, despite an interesting story arc, I think Pegg is terribly miscast in this film even taking into account his chemistry with Robbie.  If he had, again, some more room to expand and grow this character, you might buy where his character goes...but he doesn't and you don't.  Dexter Fletcher and Max Irons (son of Jeremy inexplicably) are saddled with such disposable material, it's hard for me to remember anything about their characters other than they are British and have the lion share of the f-bombs.

Terminal is a WASTE.  A WASTE of talent, time, and effort to apparently tap into a type of filmmaking of the past that is best suited to staying in its era.  If you watch it, I'll bet it is going to be hard for you to tell me I'm wrong.


Thursday, May 10, 2018

DJ Rambles About Avengers: Infinity War, A Quiet Place, Atlanta Season 2, & Apple Hard Drives

I haven't written a review for a while.  This is mainly because I wanted to focus my attention on The Simplistic Reviews Podcast and guesting on some of our friends' shows to promote The Simplistic Reviews Podcast. (Have you heard it? Justin Polizzi...Matthew Stewart...moi? It's pretty dope.) Anyhow, a fateful occurrence involving a spontaneously combusting Apple hard drive suddenly hampered my ability to broadcast my random ravings. (Damn you, Steve Jobs.) However, thanks to the grace of God, Buddha, Vishnu, and two Tennesseans that I consider my family, I got back a computer and thusly my outlet for expositing my inner most thoughts on film and television. (Blame them.  It's their fault for this.) So, I saw this as an opportunity to get back to writing stuff for our lovely site again.  So...um...what have I missed?

Avengers: Infinity War - BALLSY - I was an avid comic book collector from the early '90s until around 2007.  And out of all those comics I bought and read, Infinity Gauntlet was the event book that stuck with me.  It was my introduction to many characters, including Thanos.  It was also the first time I had seen many of the heroes I grew up reading actually killed in comic book form.  Suddenly...brutally...unapologetically.

So when Thanos popped his head out at the end of the first Avengers film, I knew what was coming and I thought I was prepared for it.  I wasn't.  The altering of Thanos' motivations from book to screen (From wanting to impress a girl to wanting to balance the universe because of the destruction of his planet.) not only strengthens the character but ramps up the drama of his destruction.  Each death changed from just pure shock value, which it was in the comic book, to a heartbreaking and moving loss. 

And yes cynical MCU disparager, I am fully aware Kevin Feige, the Russo Brothers, and whoever else can resurrect the fallen at will.  That doesn't make the performances of the actors perishing or the performances of the actors reacting to their friends perishing less moving or well done.  When Indiana Jones seemingly falls off a cliff while riding a tank in The Last Crusade, I knew Indy would somehow survive.  However, Sean Connery's quivering shock while delivering the line "I never told him anything" and his gasping relief while telling his newly resurrected son "I thought I lost you, boy" still reaches in and pulls at your heartstrings despite having the knowledge Indy would likely be fine.  
The ability to bring characters back from death isn't something invented by the MCU, Marvel Comics, or comic books in general.  It is a tool often used by creators in the medium of fiction.  Just ask Jon Snow...or Spock...or Gandalf...or Sherlock Holmes...or Robocop...or Jesus H. F%*king Christ.  So stow all that, "Who cares?  They're all coming back anyway" myopic thinking and try to appreciate the journey.  

Apart from all things snap related, Infinity War is a blast.  This is a cinematic universe that knows their secret weapon is the interactions of their characters.  And that secret weapon is on full display here.  Is it my favorite MCU film?  No. (*COUGH!* Civil War *COUGH!*) But it is easily a top five for me.
  • SIDE NOTE: Thank You Taika Waititi for what you did with the character of Thor in Thor: Ragnarok.  It's like Waititi rebuilt the engine of a car and the Russos took that car for a joy ride on the autobahn.  Waititi deserves so much credit for making the previously 'meh' Thor one of the MCU's most entertaining characters. 
Atlanta Season 2 - CONFOUNDING - My Donald Glover love stretches back farther than most.  I was a fan of his comedy troop, Derrick Comedy.  I watched their oddly funny film Mystery Team and came away hoping Glover would get the chance to do more projects.  Because of his comedy roots, I found myself searching to find the punchline when Glover started his rap career.  I quickly began to realize that Childish Gambino was a legit avenue for another facet of his talents.  When he left Community to make a Twin Peaks-esque "comedy" on FX, I was skeptical.  But after watching the first season of Atlanta, I was convinced that Glover was something special.  My expectations were high for Season 2, which is probably why "Robbing Season" left me a bit underwhelmed.  The biggest standout of the season is easily the unofficial Get Out sequel episode featuring the titular Teddy Perkins.  Glover's star is shining bright with Lando, an SNL appearance, and "This Is America" grabbing headlines.  I just hope the next season of Atlanta brushes off the sophomore slump it seems to be on and gets back to knocking my socks off.
  • SIDE NOTE: Lakeith Stanfield is astoundingly good.  I'm as interested in his future as I was with Glover's.
A Quiet Place - ELEGANT - Michael Bay took something I held dear and made it into nothing less than a joke. (Nope...never letting it go.) However, Bay's Platinum Dunes studio gave me something this year that is a step towards an apology.  I was rooting for A Quiet Place because I really like John Krasinski and am creepily infatuated with Emily Blunt. (Sorry John.  You're married to her.  You should understand my infatuation.) Thankfully, I might have never heard of either one of them and still be impressed by the quality of the filmmaking in A Quiet Place and its clever simplicity.  People have tried to tear it down as of late with petty nitpicks.  My retort is...and I say this with all due respect...Shhhh!
  • SIDE NOTE: I've been hearing the rumblings of a John Krasinski/Emily Blunt respective casting for Reed Richards and Sue Storm in the MCU's relaunch of the Fantastic Four...and I honestly can't say I don't love that suggestion.
Those are just a few things I've seen that I missed the opportunity to ramble about.  I could get into the stupidity of Rampage or the sloppy storytelling of Altered Carbon or the chilling feeling that ran up my spine throughout You Were Never Really Here, but I'm gonna try to pace myself.  As one of my favorite Avengers once said...



Wednesday, May 9, 2018

(Ep. 103): House 2: The Second Story - Movie Commentary: May 2018


House II: The Second Story

PG-13 1987 ‧ Adventure/Horror ‧ 1h 28m
A man (Arye Gross) and his friend (Jonathan Stark) exhume an ancestor (Royal Dano) in the house 
where his parents were killed.
Initial release: August 28, 1987
Director: Ethan Wiley
Budget: 3 million USD
Producer: Sean S. Cunningham
Production company: New World Pictures
 
Well you can't say we don't love you. Today Matt and Justin watch a movie from the Lister requested submissions. Sometimes we find fun and enjoyable films, that ether we never watched or never heard of. But that isn't always the case. Ep. 103 we cross off another one, House 2: The Second Story. A film not watched by the two in a collective 30 plus years. What we found out is its not as good as we once remembered.

House 2 is under the horror genre which is a lie. Eventhough it is a sequel to the 1986 film House, House 2 does not involve the storyline and character from the first film, including the horror feel. House 2 is supernatural fantasy "comedy". 

Frankly its a mess of a film. If you haven't already watched the first House then skip this and check House.







Friday, April 6, 2018

(Ep. 102): The Simplistic Reviews Podcast: April 2018

This isn't a joke...the boys are back on the airwaves with another edition of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast...or are they? You be the judge of whether you think they're back or not. I might be telling you here that they are back, but are they truly "back." And if they're back, where are they back from? The Future, School, Training, To Back, In Black, Rubs, In The Habit, For The First Time, again, it's up to you to decide...

This month, the shenanigans range to these nincompoops yelling about whether Spielberg or Scorsese did it better, and by IT they mean holding the camera and making millionaires do things on camera, to the merits of Justin actually discovering he's North African and how we can us that to our advantage.

There is also the return of Simplistic Switcharoo where the fellas tackle the big questions of whether Nicolas Cage could be replaced by John Malkovich in Face/Off and after a long a sordid history, Matt might finally come to terms with the concept of Anne Hathaway.

All this, and of course your monthly dose of dick and fart jokes, on The Simplistic Reviews Podcast, if you SMELL.....what THE CROCK.....is cookin'!!



 

 NOTES
Anne 'Cat'haway
ASMR Porn
Nic Cage and Peaches
Macho Madness
Diplomatic Immunity

MUSIC
Neon Love by Jeff Dale, Gavin Harrison and Tim Reilly
Hit the Jackpot by David James
80s Killed The Radio Star by Bobby Cole

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Friday, March 23, 2018

(Ep. 101): Undefeatable - Movie Commentary: Match 2018

Undefeatable

R
 1994 ‧ Thriller/Action ‧ 1h 35m 4.1/10 · IMDb
The boys of Simplistic Reviews are back! Let's be honest you never believed Ep. 100 was our last... did you? No we can't stop with all these crappy movies out there. Plus the current world we live in needs some terrible grotesque jokes.

So sit back, turn off the lights and enjoy some undefeatable puns...no...they suck...its pretty sad.



Kristi Jones (Cynthia Rothrock) who, along with her gang, take part in Mafia-run street fights to earn money for her sister's college education. Kristi's sister hopes to become a doctor and pay for Kristi's education.

Meanwhile, an underground fighter by the name of "Stingray" (Don Niam) is left by his scared wife, Anna, after raping her, and vows to find her. Stingray has suffered from abandonment issues since early childhood and this new trauma triggers a psychotic break from reality. He begins to kidnap women who resemble his ex-wife, and subsequently tortures them and gouges their eyes out before returning their bodies to the crime scene. Kristi's sister becomes one of the victims, so Kristi tracks down Stingray with the help of police officer Nick DiMarco (John Miller), who might just be falling for her, alongside her sister's psychiatry tutor Jennifer (Donna Jason) and Nick's partner Mike (Gerald Klein).



They eventually track down Stingray, who has kidnapped Jennifer, and fight in a warehouse where he escapes after shooting and killing Mike. Jennifer's injuries, though relatively minor, require that she be admitted to the hospital where she is again kidnapped by Stingray who is impersonating a doctor. Kristi and Nick chase him to a storage area where the three do battle, mostly through hand-to-hand combat. Stingray is bested by the pair, having both eyes gouged out in the process. He's then suspended by the eye-sockets with a meat hook, killing him.



The final scene shows with Kristi and her friends visiting her late sister's resting place to inform her that Stingray has finally been defeated. It is revealed that Kristi has somehow enrolled her former gang in college to give them a chance at a better life, and that Kristi has also been enrolled in college by Nick. The film ends with the group engaging in an impassioned four way high-five.





















Saturday, March 3, 2018

Movie Review: Annihilation


What do extra terrestrials have in store when they finally come to Earth to check the place out, enslave us and take over for us since we've done such a great job. That's a question that's been asked in books, radio theater, video games and films for over a century. Whether they are benevolent visitors like "E.T.", curious visitors from "Close Encounters of the Third Kind," or killing machines on the hunt in "Predator," the idea of aliens and and their relationship with Earth has been an interesting one to say the least.

Our latest odyssey into extra terrestrials and their fascination with the Earth comes in the form of "Annihilation" directed by Alex Garland, who brought us our impending nightmare we'll face with Artificial Intelligence in "Ex Machina."

Based on the "Southern Reach" trilogy of books by Jeff VanderMeer from 2014, in which a meteor lands and the land surrounding begins to re-claim itself and continues to expand. "Annihilation" is based on the first book in the series where a squad of tough women enter what is called Area X to explore and find the reason for the expansion of what is called "The Shimmer."

What works for "Annihilation" is that it never holds your hand or tells you what is happening. You also have some very strong performances for the entire cast which includes Natalie Portman, Gina Rodriguez, Tessa Thompson and Jennifer Jason Leigh, all of which comprise most of the squad who enter "The Shimmer" for answers on why previous expeditions have disappeared to never return with the exception of one person, played by Oscar Isaac.

The female leads all come from different background, yet share a commonality; they are flawed in either a physical or psychological way, which eventually leads to their breakdown and eventually succumbing to "The Shimmer" There are a lot of blink and you miss it moments which gives you a reason to watch this film over and over to pick up the subtle nuances that Garland throws in.

Where "Annihilation" might lose some people is once again, the same way it will bring people in. Garland isn't interested in spelling things out for the audience. None of the characters are painted as either protagonists or antagonists, they are all searching for meaning, just like us, the audience.

"Annihilation" can be read into as much or as little as you feel necessary. Is it a standard sci-fi film where aliens are taking over slowly? Sure. Is it a film about becoming one with nature again, becoming self-less, and giving yourself up to something that might be bigger than you? Sure. There are so many ways to read this film, and that's what makes it great, and where it leaves the audience come the end opens up more conversation for, hopefully, the next two films to complete the trilogy.

While I love the bright shiny colors and psychedelic trip Garland took me on, I especially love the attention world he creates and the conflicts it creates within the characters. It reminds me of what I love about "The Thing," Sure, the creature effects are great, but give me conflict and something with stakes.

As far as I'm concerned, Garland is two-for-two in the directors chair and if this trilogy is allowed to be seen through, I could see it as some of the most epic science fiction in the last 20 years or so. So please don't judge "Annihilation" yet as it's still incomplete week as far as I'm concerned.

Saturday, February 17, 2018

(Ep. 100): The One Hundredth Simplistic Reviews Podcast: February 2018



It’s here!
  No, not your tax return…
No, not another government shutdown…
No, not an actual picture of Venom…

It’s the 100th episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast!  We got a guest list so prestigious and respected, it should run for president…please…someone…anyone…run for president.  So if you’re going on a short drive on a long road or a long walk off a short pier, stick this in your ear holes and enjoy the bad comedy styling of Matthew Stewart, DJ Valentine, and Justin Polizzi for the 100th time…and then…for the love of God…run for president.




MUSIC
Triumph March By Verdi
Neon Love By Jeff Dale, Gavin Harrison & Tim Reilly
Dark City Beats By John 00 Fleming
Utopia In Peril By Chillout
Plain Jane By Sid Phillips





















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