Year: 2016

November 7, 2016

3 Simplistic Things: October 2016

Halloween has come and gone, and so we enter the final two months of the year, including a big election the likes of which many of us have never seen before (yes, Obama was a big deal). But now we have to deal with the decision of electing a e-mail-deleting “nasty woman” or a xenophobic, racist in a red Made in China “Make America Great Again.”

“Moore” of the Same
From our good friend Michael Moore comes another documentary about our failed political landscape. More in line to a college commencement speech, “Michael Moore in Trumpland” essentially rails on Trump while “praising” Clinton. But you be the one to decide.
Tarantino’s Dead…pool
This is something weird that was floating around the Internet last month after the news broke the Time Miller had left “Deadpool 2.” Of course fanboys blew their load on the likelihood that one of the last great directors we have working today would throw his hat into the ring on a comic book sequel…but c’mon.
Gimme Five!
Well, this was news just because of the shear insanity of adapting a book that is only 128-pages and squeezing not two, not three, not even four, but FIVE films out of “Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.” But never underestimate the power of Potter-heads.
That’s me for this month…kthnxbye.
November 2, 2016

The People Under the Stairs

The People Under the Stairs: Unique

R

 1991 ‧ Mystery/Thriller ‧ 1h 42m

 Trailer

When young Fool (Brandon Adams) breaks into the home of his family’s greedy and uncaring landlords, he discovers a disturbing scenario where incestuous adult siblings have mutilated a number of boys and kept them imprisoned under stairs in their large, creepy house. As Fool attempts to flee before the psychopaths can catch him, he meets their daughter, Alice (A.J. Langer), who has been spared any extreme discipline by her deranged parents. Can Fool and Alice escape before it’s too late?
Release date: November 1, 1991
Director: Wes Craven
It’s time for something to help out that Halloween hangover you have. Best way is to watch, The People Under the Stairs!
The People Under the Stairs is one of Wes Craven’s most interesting and unique films. This is a film that should be seen by any movie buff. The creativity alone makes this film a must see for anyone. I first saw The People Under the Stairs when I was around 14. It left a very good impression on me, one that would sneak up in the back of my mind every now and then. This year for Halloween I just had to watch it, there isn’t anything close to it.

“This is the perfect film to explain how uncreative hollywood has gotten. I only wish films this unique still came out in theaters today.”

I do not want to talk a dime about the film.
If you never saw it, trust me its best to go in blind.
The People Under the Stairs is a crazy good film. It’s entertaining right to the last frame. Be warned it does go out of this world wacky but that only adds to the uniqueness to a film that is as highly entertaining as this.

Go check it out if you can! 

October 31, 2016

Night of the Slasher

Night of the Slasher – Homage

HOMAGE

A list of things to enjoy in 11 minutes:

-A bowl of soup
-Reading a great article in a magazine
-Taking a good crap
-Watching a YouTube video (hopefully one of ours)
-Having a good wank
-Enjoying the pleasures of another

I mean right there, that’s a pretty good list. But let’s add one more to that list now. Watching the short horror film “Night of the Slasher.”

Now, this is something that I’ve been on the hunt for for a while. It hit the festival circuit pretty hard and gained a loyal following of fans ever since. Now, since the Internet is such a wonderful (but still horrible) invention, anyone who missed it while it did its rounds, can see it in all its HD glory right on Vimeo!

The plot, simply put, puts a young, big-chested, scantily clad young lady in the cross hairs of a Spock-mask wearing slasher as she desecrates the hollowed trinity of slasher movie sins; drink, do drugs, and have sex.

The added gimmick is that the short is filmed all in one take. There are a ton of whip pans throughout the short so I’m skeptical on the technique as those pans would be easy ways to hide an edit or two, but overall the camerawork is neat, the acting is fun, and the overall premise is entertaining and…..fun. It’s a perfect homage for those who grew up on slasher horror of the 1980s. Every cliche is throw into this short and it’s proof positive that Shant Hamassian grew up on this genre.

Do yourself a favor and CLICK HERE, and enjoy “Night of the Slasher.”

October 28, 2016

Ouija: Origin of Evil

   Ouija 2 – Origin of Evil: Enjoyable

2016 ‧ Thriller/Horror ‧ 1h 39m
 
In 1967 Los Angeles, widowed mother Alice Zander (Elizabeth Reaser) unwittingly invites authentic evil into her home by adding a new stunt to bolster her séance scam business. When the merciless spirit overtakes her youngest daughter Doris (Lulu Wilson), the small family must confront unthinkable fears to save her and send her possessor back to the other side.
Release date: October 21, 2016
Director: Mike Flanagan

I don’t really know what to say here but I kinda enjoyed this movie. That’s right, I enjoyed Ouija 2. You know that board game that Universal Pictures made into a movie a few years back? It did somewhat good, despite it being a poor excuse of what qualifies for a movie. It was one of the worst movies I have ever seen and still they decided to make a sequel, and not just a sequel but a time period prequel that Justin somehow enjoyed watching.

“A prequel superior to its predecessor”

Okay. First lets just get this out of the way. Studios are scratching the barrel for ideas that already have somewhat of a foundation. Original ideas are all but lost. Remakes, sequels and re-imagined all but rule at the box offices. And we just had “the worst summer of movies” and the future doesn’t seem like any of this will be changing.

Ouija 2: Origin of Evil recently came out with me not hearing a damn thing about it. It was last Podcast Ep. 77 when we saw a sequel had already been out and the ratings were pretty solid. I was shocked and couldn’t believe this was out. On top of that it was rated extremely better then the first one. A few nights later I was able to leave work early and I decide I would go check it out.

And yes I enjoyed it! Was it the best film a saw in years? No but it was pretty fun to watch. The thing about Ouija 2 is it kinda knows what it is. With the first one everything was taken so serious but here things are a bit more tight and laughed about. In fact there is a couple funny moments in this film that played very well with the audience (Maybe 20 in the showing). It was one of those films where people were yelling out stuff at the crappy moments and laughing at the jokes. Sure the movie isn’t perfect but damn I kinda enjoyed watching it. Let me just state my reason of liking it was do to the fact it was goofy and crew I believe knew right down to the script what this film really would be. The first film thought is was scary, yet it wasn’t and even the bad was nothing to laugh at.

Ouija: Origin of Evil was an enjoying film to watch at the theater. Surprising but a joy to watch. Thumbs up Mike Flanagan!

October 27, 2016

Millennial Horror – 2002 Halloween: Resurrection

Halloween: Resurrection – Sad

SAD

Suffice to say, the “Halloween” franchise has had it’s ups-and-downs. While the 1978 classic is universally revered and beloved for it’s villain and perfection of the “slasher” genre in horror, from “Halloween 2” onward, the luster faded quickly. Personally, I love the “Halloween” franchise despite the degeneration in quality over the years, but nothing could have prepared me for what I would see in the “final” installment of the canon story-line (I’m not counting the Rob Zombie versions). “Halloween: Resurrection” is that special kind of film that will surely leave you wondering, “what in the actual f*ck….”

The easy way to review this film is that while some people might think it’s funny, it’s incredibly cringe-worthy, and the final EPIC fight between Michael Myers and Busta Rhymes (yes, Busta Rhymes) is just sad, sad, and sad. In it’s own way, its now a punching bag for how bad acting and horror had become in 2002.

The only interesting thing about this film is the fate of Jamie Lee Curtis’ Laurie Strode, which is ballsy, but not all that surprising as the series had grown so stale that something drastic had to be done, is the lead thoroughly buried enough for you?

That’s all that can really be said about “Halloween: Resurrection.” It’s just that bad that actually thinking about it just make me want to stop thinking about it….I mean this film was so bad where it was at this point where the decision was made to go through with an entire remake/reboot/re-hash, whatever you want to call it.

The cast is a laughable group of stereotypes that we’ve all seen in numerous other “teen-centric” fare, but Tyra Banks and Busta Rhymes, the zeitgeist at the time, like I’ve said before, put a rapper and/or a model in a horror film, boom, Marketing 101. The film will suck, but at least that first week at the box office will be gangbusters.

You might think, “Wow, Matt loves horror…why is he ripping this movie apart?” Well, just let the clip(s) below marinate and I’ll get back to you on the next review….

October 26, 2016

CUTTING ROOM FLOOR – From Podcast Ep. 77

A clip cut from Podcast Ep. 77 ends up on the CUTTING ROOM FLOOR!

On this spooktacular Halloween episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys discuss everything that goes bump in the night…from Deadpool director woes to a Captain Planet film from Leo. Matthew solves the mystery that is the Madea films. And the boys try to guess each other’s Halloween costumes in a segment we’re calling What Are You Supposed To Be. All that and more on this pumpkin spice latte version of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.

October 25, 2016

CUTTING ROOM FLOOR – From Podcast Ep. 76

A clip cut from Podcast Ep. 76 ends up on the CUTTING ROOM FLOOR!
Podcast 76

Hey everyone! Welcome to another Movie Commentary. Halloween is creeping up on us so we’re continuing with some more movies about murdering. Only this time its a grown man trapped into the workings of a children’s doll. (Cue Disney themed music)

Whats that?! Another bloody movie commentary that involves children? Yeah we know. Listen we didn’t plan this out, it was purely random. But hey guess what? Luck is on our side because Child’s Play 2 is a million times better then that last one, especially in story structure.

So sit back and watch out for that old toy you forgot about in your closet. You know the one that you witness a man doing black magic on when Dad and you went to the bank that one time. Sure you remember, don’t you? You know when the cops came and shot up the place? And as he pulled his bullet riddled-bloody body, he knew the only way to live was to transport his soul into your favorite toy?

No…why would you…that was me.


October 24, 2016

(Ep. 77): SR Podcast – October 2016

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

On this spooktacular Halloween episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys discuss everything that goes bump in the night…from Deadpool director woes to a Captain Planet film from Leo. Matthew solves the mystery that is the Madea films. And the boys try to guess each other’s Halloween costumes in a segment we’re calling What Are You Supposed To Be. All that and more on this pumpkin spice latte version of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.

NOTES
Madea film
Westworld
John Phillips
Pitch
Captain Planet by Leo

MUSIC
Halloween Theme by John Carpenter
It’s The Great Pumpkin Waltz by Vince Guaraldi
Who Can It Be Now by Men At Work 

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October 21, 2016

(Ep.76): Child’s Play 2 – Movie Commentary: Oct 2016

Child’s Play 2 

Play trailer on YouTube

1990 Slasher/Thriller1h 24m  

Movie Commentary Friday! (Is that a thing?)
Hey everyone! Welcome to another Movie Commentary. Halloween is creeping up on us so we’re continuing with some more movies about murdering. Only this time its a grown man trapped into the workings of a children’s doll. (Cue Disney themed music)
Whats that?! Another bloody movie commentary that involves children? Yeah we know. Listen we didn’t plan this out, it was purely random. But hey guess what? Luck is on our side because Child’s Play 2 is a million times better then that last one, especially in story structure.
So sit back and watch out for that old toy you forgot about in your closet. You know the one that you witness a man doing black magic on when Dad and you went to the bank that one time. Sure you remember, don’t you? You know when the cops came and shot up the place? And as he pulled his bullet riddled-bloody body, he knew the only way to live was to transport his soul into your favorite toy?
No…why would you…that was me.

October 19, 2016

Announcement! —UPDATE— We’re BACK ONLINE!

UPDATE
Podcasts are back online.
Find them at…
iTunes:
Google Play Music:
Tunein: 
Sticher: 

 __________________________________________________________________

Hey everyone! Podcasts will be back up soon. We have been moving things around and doing some cool things. Youtube still has the podcasts to fill that listening cavity.

Give use a few more days and all will be back! Thanks everyone!
Welcome to the new home of SimplisticReviews.net - We're currently still working on the site. You might notice a few issues, please be patient with us. Thanks! (Store also in testing — no orders shall be fulfilled.)
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