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1989

August 27, 2018

Tango and Cash

Bloated dialogue that makes your head spin. Tango and Cash is on the edge of it’s so bad it’s good. Unfortunately it doesn’t even make it to that level and leaves on the table too much protential of what could of been.

December 17, 2017

(Ep. 95): Elves – Movie Commentary: December 2017

Elves

R

1989 ‧ Drama/Horror ‧ 1h 29m

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A department-store Santa Claus (Dan Haggerty) discovers a Neo-Nazi plot to mate a nice girl (Julie Austin) with an elf in Colorado.

Release date:  October 24, 1989
Director: Jeffrey Mandel
Screenplay: Jeffrey Mandel
Music composed by: Vladimir Horunzhy

That time of the year is back when the gang sits around and watches nothing but terrible holiday themed movies.

Today is not only our first appearance of Dan Haggerty here at Simplistic Reviews but also a ending for a movie that flabbergasted DJ. I suppose this would already be enough for a Movie Commentary but nope…that’s not all. We also have a homeless department store Santa investigating a modern-day Neo-Nazi plot to finally bring about the master race that Hitler had always dreamed of.

Instead of a race of pure-blood Aryans, it is revealed that Hitler dreamed of a race of half-human/half-elf hybrids.

Yep… what a movie everyone. So grab that egg nog and sit back, things are about to get weird.

Merry Christmas!

P.S. Enjoy the Elves because next week is a cold one set on a tropical island. Try not to question it.

   

February 1, 2017

(Ep. 82): Savage Beach – Movie Commentary: January 2017

1989 | Action | 92 min 

Ready for a trip to Savage Beach?
Come and enjoy beautiful our water
Wine and dine with at the island’s number 1 restaurant. 
And come see the last of what the 80’s have to offer in Andy Sidaris’…
 

Savage Beach 


Ladies and Gentlemen WE ARE BACK!
THE WOMEN!
THE GUNS!
THE OVER THE TOP CRAZIEST ACTION SCENES!
Ah… 2017 is going to be a good year! All new 90’s Andy Sidaris’ Films to watch. Honestly what more could you want?!
Shit…I just remembered…the 90’s sucked and the world is in turmoil. Oh well let’s enjoy what we have left then.
Drug agents Donna (Dona Speir) and Taryn (Hope Marie Carlton) crash-land on a remote island, rumored to have a gold treasure. Treasure isn’t the only thing on this island, war-gold seekers searching for their gold will do anything for riches.
Initial release: 1989
Director: Andy Sidaris
Screenplay: Andy Sidaris
Music composed by: Gary Stockdale

 

January 13, 2017

What Does it Mean to “Do The Right Thing”

*The opinion of Matt does not necessarily coincide with the opinions of the rest of the crew of Simplistic Reviews. 

This year will celebrate the 28th anniversary of the Spike Lee Joint, “Do The Right Thing.” But the question we always ask ourselves is, “What is the right thing?” Is there a “right” thing? And if there is a “right” thing, how does one make the decision on what the “right” thing is?

There’s no doubt that “Thing” was a film that happened at the right place at the right time, and while other films have tried to emulate the race divide and a sign of the times, see also Lee’s “Summer of Sam” for a look into the racial and cultural divide in 1970s New York, there still isn’t a film, for my money, that captures the anger, anxiety, and zeitgeist of a city sitting on a powder keg. Of course, art often imitates life, and in recent years with police shootings, gang violence, political discourse, and attacks on immigrants, minorities, and the LGBT community on the rise, we all live in uncertain times.

Oh, there is also the fact that we have a bullying, fear-mongering, divisive, reality-show starring megalomaniac about to take the Oath of Office as the 45th President of the United States, but don’t worry folks, go watch some foxes jumping in the snow (actually, that doesn’t sound like a bad idea).

Back to the point, in “Thing” the climax reaches a fever pitch when the character “Radio” Raheem is murdered by NYPD officers, a fire hose is turned again an angry mob and our “hero,” Mookie, played by Lee, throws a trash can through the window of local pizzeria, Sal’s Famous. A lot of anger is loaded into the final 15 minutes of the film, but it brings up the question; What is the “Right” thing?

This is an argument that I’ve gotten into with a lot of people. Personally, I’m always interested to hear what people think is the “right” thing. The biggest point of contention is always whether Mookie should have thrown the garbage can through the window of Sal’s Famous. While I understand why this might be a point to argue between people, I’m on the side of this being the “right” thing. Simply, it was rightful rage over the death of an innocent citizen by the “trusted” police force which forces another citizen to act in way that many may never understand how to act. Of course, in turn, this action also saves the lives of Sal and his sons, despite the fact that their business is destroyed by an angry mob. That’s the simple way to breakdown the climax of “Thing,” but there is much more leading to this choice.

Other aspects of the story certainly play a big part in Mookie’s decision. The New York heat, Sal not paying Mookie before the day was up, being accused of being a dead-beat father, the constant harassment by Smiley, there are several aspects of the day that sets Mookie off, but the most reasonable is always going to be seeing “Radio” Raheem murdered in front of him by police who are tasked with upholding the law and having the CPR (Courtesy Professionalism Respect) on the side of their cruiser (the irony). It’s a layered argument that can be tossed back and forth, but the reason we still reference “Thing” as the movie that still commands our attention a quarter of a century after it’s release is the climate we live in currently.

Police still systematically target minorities which often ends in horrific results, and police are overworked with less officers on the ground to do the job correctly, not to mention the fact that many officers are ill-equipped to get the job done correctly. An overburdened and broken system leads to misjudgment and tragedies that will continue to happen.

Is violence the “right” thing…no….however, when you are kicked, prodded, marginalized, and made to feel that you have no rights as a citizen, what are you going to do? Throwing a TV through a window might be a start, but how about throwing your vote in a ballot box on a local level to make the immediate change that is needed to hopefully, at some point, make a bigger change.

Much was made when “Thing” was released, including comments that viewing this film would incite riots. Lee’s response was whether critics believed that minorities, namely African-American’s, were unable to control their impulses while viewing a work of fiction. It was a perfect response for people that just don’t get it, and will never get it. Hell, if “Thing” makes you angry, IT SHOULD! While it WAS a work of fiction it was still inspired by true events, namely the beating and murder of Michael Stewart by NYPD officers, and we are still seeing the endless deaths of African-Americans around the country, sadly at the hands of law enforcement officials. We should all be upset by this, while Lee is being a politician about it, he should have said “Yes, people should get upset about this film, it’s happening, this is the world we live in!”

So, what is the “right” thing? IS there a “right” thing? The “right” thing is to take tragedy and knowledge and apply it in a way that changes the course of your life, your country, and your politics. We are living in scary times, with people in charge that seem to like to “troll” the American people. We literally have an Internet troll who is poised to take the office of The President of the United States shortly. Think about that….someone who made his career firing the like of Lil John and Dennis Rodman from a fake job interview show is going to be hiring people to look after Civil Rights cases and reading the most classified of files, will be running our country for what could be up to eight years.

The “right” thing is to follow the mantra of Public Enemy and “Fight the Power.” But fighting the power is more than just with your fists. Fight with your empathy, fight with your courage, fight with your knowledge, shit, fight for your right to party, because if anything you always have the “right to fight.”

October 7, 2016

Ep. 75: Beware! Children at Play – Movie Commentary: October 2016

Welcome to another Friday Night Family Movie Night!

 Beware! Children at Play

1hr 34mins | Horror | 1989

Well that happened…

DJ and Justin just watched Beware Children at Play. And…Well…It’s not so great. It is a slow boring movie that only picks up right at the end. Sure the topic of murdering demoniac crazy children is a fun idea to use in a movie but if you don’t do anything with it then its pretty lousy. Hopefully the movie next time is a bit more enjoyable to watch, because even though this trailer looked amazing, the final product was just lame.

🙂

October 6, 2015

The Horror Time Capsule – 1989: Friday the 13th Pt. 8: Jason Takes Manhattan

CHEESE

Friday the 13th Pt. 8 – Cheese

There is good cheese, and bad cheese; “Friday the 13th Pt. 8” is equals part both, mainly because it is so God damned 80s. It reeks of everything the 1980s was and will always be remembered by. In fact, this film is the most 80s of all the films in the series. Did I mention how 80s this film is….

So, “Jason Takes Manhattan.” Once again, Jason rises from the grave, again, with the help of some lightning and a metal anchor. After his first two welcome back kill of some horny, and whiny, teens, he catches a ride with more horny and whiny teens on a high school cruise to New York City. On this doomed cruise is Renny, a teen who also happens to have some history with Jason, her dickhead “stepfather-of-sorts” and Kelly Hu in one of her first roles.

Needless to say, Jason kills a bunch of kids, visits Manhattan, and is of course stopped in one of the oddest endings to a “Friday the 13th” movie.

Two things that stand out to me in this one is the resemblance to “The New Blood.” We have a teen heroine who has a history with Jason in addition to an overbearing father figure and worrisome mother figure. There is a pseudo-romance between said heroine and hero that is somewhat awkward, and of course the girl who is jealous of the heroine but gets her comeuppance.

The other thing is the vision of New York itself. People tend to forget that New York in the 80s and 90s was pretty much a cesspool. It was pretty dirty and you could say dangerous before gentrification took over. There also seemed to be a lot of open toxic waster just hanging around. New Yorkers who grew up in the 80s and 90s in the city, is this true?

Anyway, while this is one of the weaker edition in the series, it’s still totally watchable if not just for the fashion, funny Jason kills, and of course we can’t forget Kane Hodder who just brings something special to the Jason role.

For more awesome 80s fashion, check out these other hits:

976-EVIL
Friday the 13th Pt 8
Halloween 5
Leviathan
Nightmare on Elm Street 5
Pet Sematary
Warlock

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