2002

October 27, 2016

Millennial Horror – 2002 Halloween: Resurrection

Halloween: Resurrection – Sad

SAD

Suffice to say, the “Halloween” franchise has had it’s ups-and-downs. While the 1978 classic is universally revered and beloved for it’s villain and perfection of the “slasher” genre in horror, from “Halloween 2” onward, the luster faded quickly. Personally, I love the “Halloween” franchise despite the degeneration in quality over the years, but nothing could have prepared me for what I would see in the “final” installment of the canon story-line (I’m not counting the Rob Zombie versions). “Halloween: Resurrection” is that special kind of film that will surely leave you wondering, “what in the actual f*ck….”

The easy way to review this film is that while some people might think it’s funny, it’s incredibly cringe-worthy, and the final EPIC fight between Michael Myers and Busta Rhymes (yes, Busta Rhymes) is just sad, sad, and sad. In it’s own way, its now a punching bag for how bad acting and horror had become in 2002.

The only interesting thing about this film is the fate of Jamie Lee Curtis’ Laurie Strode, which is ballsy, but not all that surprising as the series had grown so stale that something drastic had to be done, is the lead thoroughly buried enough for you?

That’s all that can really be said about “Halloween: Resurrection.” It’s just that bad that actually thinking about it just make me want to stop thinking about it….I mean this film was so bad where it was at this point where the decision was made to go through with an entire remake/reboot/re-hash, whatever you want to call it.

The cast is a laughable group of stereotypes that we’ve all seen in numerous other “teen-centric” fare, but Tyra Banks and Busta Rhymes, the zeitgeist at the time, like I’ve said before, put a rapper and/or a model in a horror film, boom, Marketing 101. The film will suck, but at least that first week at the box office will be gangbusters.

You might think, “Wow, Matt loves horror…why is he ripping this movie apart?” Well, just let the clip(s) below marinate and I’ll get back to you on the next review….

November 18, 2015

Countdown to the Force Awakens (Episode II) – Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones

Well, here it is, the one that you’ve all been waiting for. If you thought “The Phantom Menace” had issues, well, we might be here for a while. It’s the one, the only, “Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones,” just the name alone conjures chuckles, a reminder that even Ed Wood used to be called a director. And as much as it pains me to say, while this film isn’t very good, it does lay some good foundation for spin-off material such as the animated “Clone Wars” TV show and even includes some actual lightsaber fighting that is longer than a minute.

Saber up Anakin…

So, “Attack of the Clones.” Our story begins with an attempted assassination on now Senator Padme Amidala of Naboo. The plot thickens as now Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi and his Padawan learner, Anakin Skywalker, are brought in to investigate the botched assassination and to try and uncover a deeper conspiracy that involves planets erased from the Jedi archive, clones, poison darts, bounty hunters, and as much stuff as you can pack into the longest “Star Wars” films on record (142 minutes).

Once again, George Lucas, who actually stuck around this time and directed all three of the prequel films, packs it all in in this one; from laughable dialogue, convoluted political intrigue that now involves the universally loathed Jar Jar Binks, and one of the most cringe-worthy love stories in recent history. However, there is more polish on the visuals this time around, and on a Blu-Ray copy, the CG doesn’t look as dated as some of the CG in “Phantom Menace.”

While I sort of remember my experience in going to see “Phantom Menace” in the theater, I have little too no memory of seeing “Clones” in the cineplex. I was just about 19, so I remember that, but could a film be so bad or lackluster that maybe you erase all memory of the film itself. I think the only thing that I might remember, and perhaps this spoiled me, is that I read the novelization before seeing the film and I was looking forward to scenes popping up on screen. Some did, and some didn’t, and some even popped up as deleted scenes on the DVD version. Reading the novelization is properly the route I would go at this time. You know the old saying “the book was better” well, this is indeed the case for “Clones.”

Another take George?

Now before you all think I’m just going to poo poo all over “Clones” (and I’ll get to that) like I’ve been, and people might argue me on this; there is some good that came out of this film. Namely, both the animated and CG “Clone Wars” series on Cartoon Network and you could even say the success of those shows lead to 2014’s “Star Wars” Rebels.” You also had the introduction to another decent Sith villain, Count Dooku, played by none other than Count Dracula himself, the late Christopher Lee. Maybe it’s just the horror fan in me, but casting an ageless actor like Lee was something very cool and took just a little bit of the sting away from this film. While “Phantom” was so bad, there are some nice takeaways from “Clones” albeit the bad outweighs the good most of the time.

So, transitioning to the bad. Well, at least you can say that “Phantom” tried to incorporate some practical sets and costumes, very little can be said for this film. Much of the film is set on green or blue screens, including some of the acting as well, but more on that soon. There has always been a certain magic to the “Star Wars” films that blurred the line between practical and CG, those days all but died in “Clones.” It’s like overcooking a Filet Mignon; you can do it if you want, but I wouldn’t advise it (why a food saying that doesn’t exist? Maybe I’m just hungry).

With that out of the way, can be talk about acting, or “this is what happens when you decide not to re-take a shot and use your first take.” It’s been harped on how bad the acting is in these prequels, but to be honest I haven’t always been the biggest fan of the acting in the original trilogy either. Acting should be secondary to good storytelling, and that is what saves the original trilogy for me. With that being said, “Clones” is lacking in the acting department, but it’s even more frustrating when you think about the people that are doing the acting. Natalie Portman won an Oscar later on down the line. Samuel L Jackson, Oscar nominated. Ewan McGregor, gives it a shot, but you can’t paint a Monet when all you have is the color brown. I can keep going, but I think you get the point.

You’re covered in sand….I don’t like you anymore…

Of course this brings me to Hayden Christensen, and I saved an entire paragraph for him. Full disclosure, I liked his performance in “Life as a House” I think him and Kevin Klein but turned in great performances. But outside of scowling, Christensen sullied the likeness of Darth Vader and turned him into a whiny emo brat and turned his Padawan braid into the modern Jedi man bun. But just wait until you see him and Natalie Portman on screen together, that’s when things get real hot. Conversations about sand, not being able to be together, eating digitized fruit, and “I call this aggressive negotiation,” wow, this could go on all day. My point, I understand why people hate his performance, and yes, maybe he wasn’t the best pick for the future Darth Vader, but you need to have a good screenwriter and a director that actual directs to get the best out of your actors. You don’t have either.

“Clones” is neck and neck with “Phantom” as being the low-point in the “Star Wars” film franchise. The saving grace is that we at least got something positive out of it with some kick-ass animated series’ and the fact that it couldn’t get any worse…..or could it? More on that in the next installment.

September 10, 2012

The Wire, Wrap-Up

*Spoilers Ahead*

The case is closed on “The Wire.”  Some of the good guys won, some of the bad guys won, and there were plenty of people caught in the cross-fire, but it was a ride that everyone should be willing to take if you enjoy story and character-driven dramas.

While this is not so much a review, as a wrap-up, I will be detailing characters, plot lines, and a few top ten lists, including; Top 10 Characters, Top 10 Tragic/Offing Moments. (Just to clarify, an offing is a death or murder of a character)  Now allow me to drop you back into”The Wire.”
————————————————————————————————————————————–
Cheese: “This is some shameless shit!”
Omar Little: “Oh, ain’t no shame in my game, doe.  I’m here about my business, ain’t dat right Joe!”
– Season Four
————————————————————————————————————————————–
It’s a little difficult to pick just ten characters that I would classify as the best from the entire series.  In such a character-driven show all your characters should be great, and trust me they’re all great.  So here goes nothing as I unveil MY Top 10 characters on “The Wire.”

10.  Det. Roland “Prez” Pryzbylewski:  The funny thing about Prez is that he went from an asshole detective who was messing up left and right to someone who I truly respected come the end of the show.  Once he started his new career as a middle school teacher, the character became a tragic reminder of someone who continues to have hope in a hopeless situation.

9.  Dennis “Cutty” Wise:  Cutty, a former Barksdale enforcer, has been recently paroled when we first meet him.  He tries to get back into the drug game when he leaves prison but realizes that the life isn’t meant for him anymore and decides to open a boxing gym for the troubled youth of West Baltimore.  He is one of the lone bright spots in the show as he not only saves his own life, but indirectly saves the life of Namon Brice, the son of incarcerated Barksdale enforcer, Roland “Wee-Bey” Brice.

8.  Brother Mouzone:  While he only appeared in a few episodes, the suit, glasses and bow-tie of Brother Mouzone left a lasting impression.  Essentially Mouzone was a mirror image of Omar Little, only Brother wore a smart suit and sported a pistol while Omar preferred a brown duster and a shotgun.  The duo also supplied one of the more surprising deaths in the series when they gunned down Stringer Bell at the end of Season Three.
—————————————————————————————————————
Omar Little: “I knew you’d come back.”
Brother Mouzone:  “I trust you didn’t lose much sleep over it?”
Omar Little:  “Worryin’ about you would be like worryin’ if the sun gonna come up.”
-Season Three
—————————————————————————————————————
7.  Michael Lee:  During Season Four we were introduced to the youth of West Baltimore and the one character that really stood out from the rest of the pack was Michael.  From a broken home, Michael tried his best to walk the line between right and wrong while trying to protect his friends and his younger brother, Bug.  In the most poignant moment of Season Five, Michael, now on the run from Marlow, Chris, and Snoop, has to say goodbye to both his friend Duquan and Bug and disappear from Baltimore.

6.  Chris and Snoop:  I consider both Chris Partlow and Snoop pretty much the same character, just one male and one female.  They are both extremely loyal, and similar to Omar and Brother Mouzone, they both have a “code.”  Chris is the more calculating of the two, and while it’s not said directly, seems to be a victim of childhood abuse.  Snoop is the colder of the two and would do anything to protect the reputation of Marlo Stanfield.

5.  Reginald “Bubbles” Cousins:  With a show so grim, it was great to see how one character in particular went from a hopeless drug addict to a reformed member of society.  That character was Bubbles, a police informant, heroin addict, and just maybe, the lone bright spot on “The Wire.”  In the series finale, Bubbles finally opens up at an NA Meeting about losing a friend, and it always brings a tear to my eye.  It’s truly a beautiful moment in the series.
————————————————————————————————————–
Bubbles: “Ain’t no shame in holdin’ on to grief.  As long as you make room for other things too.”
-Season Five
————————————————————————————————————————————
 4.  Russell “Stringer” Bell:  If anyone knows anything about “The Wire” you know Stringer Bell, portrayed by Idris Elba.  Stringer was the brains, while Avon was the brawn of the Barksdale Crew, and when Avon went away to prison he took over the crew and tried to steer them in a different direction.  Unfortunately, Stringer thought that drug dealers could be rationalized with and “trained” but the one thing he forgot about was the fact that he was still a drug dealer trying to move past his station in life, and that is pretty much what finished him off in the game.

3.  Marlo Stanfield:  Marlo was a different breed of drug dealer then what we had seen from Avon Barksdale, Stringer Bell, or Proposition Joe.  He was ruthless, had enforcers that would do all of his bidding, and he got to the kids early, looking for the next generation of hopper even in middle school.  But not even money mattered in the grand scheme for him, it was knowing that people feared him.

2.  Preston “Bodie” Broadus:  Bodie was one of those characters that I didn’t think much of when I first started watching “The Wire.”  I personally just thought he was some low-level drug dealing prick that would get killed early in the series, but as time went on, Bodie really fleshed out and became my 2nd favorite character on the show.  After Avon’s arrest, and Stringer’s death in Season Three, Bodie pretty much became all the Barksdale Crew had left and was the only dealer on the street that wasn’t scared of Marlo, and eventually, it cost him.
 ————————————————————————————————————–
Omar: “You got the briefcase……I got the shotgun…..It’s all in the game tho’.”
-Season Two
————————————————————————————————————————————-
1.  Omar Little:  I can pretty much sum Omar up in a few words.  “Omar don’t scare.” 

It is difficult to pick just ten characters as the best of the bunch on “The Wire” because they are all so damn good.  Moving on to the tragic/offing moments.

*Warning, there will be spoilers ahead*

10.Chris and Snoop torturing and killing Butchie for information on Omar.
9.  Seeing Duquan succumb to drugs.
8.  Bodie being gunned down by the Stanfield Crew while defending his corner.
7.  The death of Wallace by Bodie and Poot.
6.  Cheese being shot and killed by “Slim” Charles.  Probably the most “satisfying” death in the entire series.
5.  Frank Sobotka murdered by “The Greek”
4.  Stringer Bell gunned down by Brother Mouzone and Omar in his own building.
3.  Michael saying goodbye to Duquan and Bug
2.  Seeing Bubbles’ revenge plan backfire and kill Sherrod.
1.  Omar being gunned down by Kenard.

August 24, 2012

Simplistic TV: The Wire, Season One

The Wire, Season One – Trendsetting

*Spoilers Ahead*

Back in 2002, HBO was really in a groove.  They had already introduced people to what really goes on in prison (OZ), a funeral home (Six Feet Under) and a New Jersey mob family (The Sopranos).  While this was all well and good, it wasn’t until David Simon and Ed Burns (not that Ed Burns) took us to…..West Baltimore? that things really started getting good.  It’s hard to believe that the best show ever made that no one watched is ten years old now, and that show is “The Wire.”

While I could sum up the entire series in one review, I feel “The Wire” deserves much more respect than that so I will be covering HBO’s finest show over the course of six reviews (one for each season, including a wrap-up review where I’ll rank each season as well as rank the top ten characters on the show).  With that said, on with the show.

“The Wire” was conceived after HBO aired “The Corner,” a six-part miniseries that chronicled a poverty-stricken family trapped in a drug-addled neighborhood of West Baltimore.  Many actors from “The Corner” also appear in “The Wire”  almost making the former a prequel of sorts to the latter.

Season one introduces us to the Barksdale family, a power drug-dealing crew that pretty much has West Baltimore under their control, and the West Baltimore police, lead by Jimmy McNulty (Dominic West), a renegade cop with a drinking problem.  Most of the series’ main characters are introduced in the first season, including favorites Stringer Bell (Idris Elba) and Omar Little (Michael Williams).

Each season focuses on a different aspect of the greater Baltimore area, with season one focusing more on how the Barksdale Crew operates, and the methods the police use to try and curb the drug dealing and murders occurring in West Baltimore.

While I am tempted to give away critical plot twists and character development I will hold off and save all major spoilers for the wrap up review, so hopefully you will have a chance to catch up on what I call a milestone in TV, “The Wire.”

 Fun Fact:  Tim van Patten, now of “Game of Thrones” fame, directed the season finale of Season One (Sentencing).

Welcome to the new home of SimplisticReviews.net - We're currently still working on the site. You might notice a few issues, please be patient with us. Thanks! (Store also in testing — no orders shall be fulfilled.)
Scroll to top