Action

August 4, 2014

Early Returns: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Justin’s Take)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Ludicrous
101mins – Action/Adventure – 2014

Why Ludicrous? Because Ludicrous: So foolish, unreasonable, or out of place as to be amusing; ridiculous.
That sums up this film perfectly.

Just because Turtles can talk and are ninja’s, doesn’t mean there are THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES

After the film begins with a somewhat enjoyable animated prologue that explains where the turtles come from, things begin to go down hill.

Unless your 6, then this film is amazing in every aspect and the horrific Transformers films are nothing but masterpieces. Sadly in those kids minds God is spelled Bay… Ugh.

If your not 6 and grew up with the birth of the greatness that is the Turtles then this film will leave a tear down your cheek, not a happy one.  That’s because that great time known as my childhood of Batman and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is now dead. My reviewing partner and Transformers Gen. 1 fan DJ Valentine was right 4 years ago when he said, “Bay killed my childhood now he’s coming after yours.” It’s over and honestly if you want to believe those days are right around the corner again then Do Not Watch this film. Keep those happy thoughts of yesterday alive and well.

Before I get into things let me say, this is not the same TMNT I watched grow as I grew myself. Turtles of those days where fun, in words and looks. This movie kills that thought process and reimagines them as ugly hulks and not those cute Turtles in a half shell. This is a rebirth for a new generation. My generation is given a door. A door with crappy nods and abuse from the silver screen. The new generation of Turtles amazes me. They had a perfect formula that invited all ages to come and enjoy; yet they changed that formula for a version that, in my mind, is darker and unfriendly toward kids. I’m a guy who doesn’t give a crap about anything. Nothing will offend me and I love to curse. But when Michelangelo talks about Turtles getting aroused then I believe we crossed a line that didn’t need to be crossed. I would think we would of made a friendlier form of Turtles and not these horny hulk-like creatures.

There’s that word again, hulk. Yes the Turtles are horrible looking and again I wonder why this is the way they went. Oh yeah Bay, that’s right. The Hitler of destroying childhoods, yes he didn’t direct this film, but he did have input. A lot of input. His fingerprints are all over the place with over complicated fighting, over the top CGI, comedy that feels forced and over sexualizing the whole film. Damn there it is again! I feel like an old guy angry about where this film went and not where it should go…and I’m not that guy. I live in a R rated world, I mean listen to our podcasts, we do not hold back. But this is the Turtles. They’re better than this.

This film should have a tagline like, Plot holes galore!

There is a scene with Whoopi Goldberg (April’s Editor) laughing April out of the station due to her attempt to break the story of the Turtles. Here’s the kicker, she took a photo with her phone, and why she doesn’t show her that will make you run out of the theater alone. I mean if she wanted to break from the crappy exercise pieces she does, you’d think she’d show the photo. Don’t worry I’m not telling you everything.  There is more about Blood and Fire, but I’ll let you see that for yourself. The connection of April to the Turtles is also stupid.  Now they are her childhood pets. There that’s it, oh wait this is Bay, there is much more to that which will leave your head shaking.

Even though Megan Fox wasn’t as bad as Megan Fox usually is I still believe she wasn’t cast right. She killed the film for me, even before seeing it. I hated the idea of her being used mostly for her looks, but that’s how Bay is. There are other more qualified and prettier actresses out there that could have easily fit better. That said, she wasn’t that bad. However, there are worse choices in this film. The Turtles themselves aren’t what I expected. The voices are horrible. Michelangelo might have been the best but his dialogue is the worst. Never thought I’d want a Turtle to shut up more. Leonardo played by Jonny Knoxville (coming in late to replace the original Pete Ploszek) just felt lazy. Donatello was okay, though again bad dialogue comes into play, which hinders it. Raphael’s voice just doesn’t work for me. Being played by Smallville’s Aquaman, The hotheaded Raphael seemed kind of quiet and soft-spoken. I just didn’t feel it. Then again, I like my Turtles with Brooklyn accents and that’s just thrown away here.

If they can’t get the Turtles right I’m not even going to get into Shredder. I did like the way the Foot Clan looked, so that’s something. Will Arnett is Will Arnett. William Fichtner plays a William Fichtner scientist. Really wish there was more to say about ’em, but there isn’t.

After this reboot, the idea of a sequel seems extremely unappealing. I’m going to bet we get one, which sadness me. I honestly think this film will bomb. I’ve been very good at guessing which films would fail and which ones would succeed. But in a world where Transformers 4: Age of Extinction can be the first film of 2014 to rake in $1 billion, nothing makes sense anymore.

I feel I should say goodbye to the memory of my beloved Turtles for good.  However I’m lucky that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles lives on with Nickelodeon. It’s not the greatest but it’s been getting very good lately. If you would like for your child to get into TMNT, give them that option and skip the ludicrous movie that has nothing to do with those hero’s in a half shell.

So, for now I’m going to raise my hand in defiance of this forgone conclusion failure of a film and yell, “Turtle Power!

July 12, 2014

Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes

QUALITY

I’ve come to the conclusion that the people I work with typically hate action films, comic book movies, and anything sci-fi related that doesn’t have the name Kubrick attached to it.  Oh, not here at Simplistic Reviews.  Justin, Matt and Neal share most of my sensibilities when it comes to those genres.  I’m talking about the people I work with at my 9 to 5 job.  They find no joy in the purely joyful, childhood dream come true that is The Avengers.  They shrug their shoulders mockingly at Chris Nolan’s unfathomable feat of inserting realism and grittiness into the world of a character named Batman.  They find zero nostalgic fun from Predators, are blind to the poetic pathos and tension of Star Treks old and new, laugh at the lessons of Star Wars, roll their eyes at the awe of Jurassic Park, and find Bond and Bourne films to be just boring.  Why?  It could be because cynicism is the cool thing now a days.  It could be that they get off on giving me a hard time…which is what I suspect it is.  However, I like to think it is because they’ve been conditioned to believe that QUALITY is an adjective solely reserved for foreign films with subtitles and artsy black and white indies directed by strangely dressed auteur directors.  To them, QUALITY is something that has been absent in so many of the films in those genres over the years, that all in those genres must be lacking in it.  I can do nothing to convince those people that you can have the same level of QUALITY filmmaking from an action film or a comic book film or a sci-fi film as you can from a drama directed by Terrence Malick.  I can do nothing to convince them of the possibility that there are action films and sci-fi films and comic book films that can reach the same level of QUALITY story and performances as an AFI top 100 film.  Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes is definitely one of those films.  It has a lot going against it and it succeeds on every level anyway.  Why?  You guessed it.  The level of QUALITY.

I say Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes has a lot going against it because…well…it kinda does on paper.  It’s a summer blockbuster set in the middle of a so far lackluster summer blockbuster season…and it’s also a sequel…DUN-DUN DUUUUUN!!!!…to a surprise hit remake and reboot of a four decade old classic…AND it has an entirely new cast and crew than its predecessor…AND its story and theme are not all that original if you think about it…AND it’s a story that leaves things at the end in pretty much the same place they were in the beginning.  However, the level of care put in this film and the skill of execution by the people involved hurdles these disadvantages.  Think back to when James Cameron’s Avatar was out and people would allege, “It’s just Dances With Wolves in space.” or “It’s just Pocahontas in space.”  People eventually all jumped on that minimization because once they got past the visual marvel Avatar displays, they were left with a paper thin story with paper thin characters.  Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes takes this same familiar tale (People from two different worlds strive for peace, but are forced into war by skeptics on both sides) and deliver it in a way where you’re completely compelled.  People in Dawn, as opposed to Avatar, are three-dimensional.  They just don’t do things to do things.  There isn’t stereotypical blind heroics or mustache twirling villainy.  The heroes and the villains have reasons and rationales that you can completely understand.  When characters are at odds with each other later in the film, it is heartbreaking because you actually get to see them laugh and talk with each other as friends in the beginning.  In my opinion, Avatar rushes through this step while Dawn revels in it.
Now don’t let all this talk of character development fool you.  When sh%t hits the fan in this film, it gets truly hair raising…and hair burning.  Matt Reeves (The man I so wish was taking over directing duties on Star Trek from friend J.J. Abrams) improves on every set piece and utilizes even more of the extraordinary CGI work from WETA.  Reeves gives the film so much weight and scale while still keeping it very intimate.  I have a feeling that the inevitable third installment to this franchise will keep the director carousel going, but Reeves staying onboard might be the better studio decision.  
This is usually the part of a Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes review where you’re supposed to say something about Andy Serkis.  And trust me, any amount of praise I can think of to give that man would not be enough.  Serkis is a true revelation, and has been one for some time now.  I mean, Gollum was over a decade ago!  However, lost in the hefty shadow of Serkis are some of the other great performances in this film.  Toby Kebbell is terrific from beginning to end.  He more than holds his own with Serkis as his right hand ape Koba, which is truly saying something.  You might say he has the advantage of getting the more animated bits of acting to do, seeing as Caesar is more reserved than Koba.  However, it is in his more quieter scenes that Kebbell really brought this character to life.  A scene where he explains to Caesar about “human work” is one of my favorite moments in the film.  Jason Chalke has been one of the most underrated character actors for a while now.  His performances in Dawn and in Lawless and in Zero Dark Thirty and even in the unfairly cancelled Chicago Code all have one thing in common.  They are all real.  Chalke never seems as though he is acting to me.  He seems as though he is just a real man in this world experiencing what we as an audience are experiencing.  He is a perfect protagonist for this.  Gary Oldman is…well, come on…it’s Gary friggin’ Oldman.  Nolan’s Batman trilogy showed the world one thing that it never knew before.  It showed that Oldman can play characters as well subtly as he can play them over the top.  His character Dreyfus is played similarly subtle here.  He is not a caricature of a hero or a villain.  He is just a man who wants to do what he thinks is right.  
Serkis caught some flack for a comment he made that seemed to minimize the work of the CGI guys and gals behind Dawn.  I, like director Matt Reeves, think his comments weren’t meant to downgrade the CGI work for this film.  It is nearly impossible to do so if you look at one frame of it.  Serkis and Kebbell and Nick Thurston and Karin Konoval and the rest of the motion capture actors are doing amazing and sadly unappreciated work.  YOU HEAR THAT ACADEMY?!?  However, the work they do is equaled by the work of the CGI team.  To use a Star Wars prequel parlance, both of their amazing work forms a symbiotic circle and makes the insane concept of a talking ape convincing.  
Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes is a much needed chunk of QUALITY filmmaking jammed into this rather ho-hum summer blockbuster season.  It will be lauded as one of the best Planet Of The Apes films ever and one of the better sequels of all time.  Well, not by the people I work with from 9 to 5.  They most likely won’t see it because the monkeys do not jump up and down in front of a 10 foot tall black monolith or speak in iambic pentameter.  Don’t be as shortsighted as them…also, never give an ape whiskey…or an AR-13…watch it…then tell me I’m wrong.  
January 17, 2014

Timecop

Timecop: Timeless
99mins/1994/Action

Growing up in the 90’s there’re a few movies a boy must watch before he becomes a man…

GoldenEye
Terminator 2: Judgement Day
Hard Boiled
Point Break
Demolition Man

and Timecop!

Well maybe not Timecop or Demolition Man, but damn if Timecop doesn’t grow some hair on your chest then maybe you should rethink your life. Now I’m not going write all about the issues this film contains, mostly its the plot holes this film fosters. If your not one to pickup on plot holes while watching movies, this film is a bit different. They pop out like a sore thumb and you will not be able to shake them off your mind. One without spoiling anything is brought up in the beginning. A character states time travel isn’t possible in the future. The reason is because it hasn’t happened yet. Okay, that’s fine I accept that. But then in the film Van Damme goes into the future. Before I go into a rage and reason why this could and could not happen, the simple fact is they state he can’t, then they shouldn’t have written that into the film if they’re going to go against what they said. Another is the vehicle they use to time travel disappears, but in a very odd fashion they come back in one. So how is that possible?

Man! I said I wouldn’t talk about those damn issues yet I did. How does that lying feel to you Timecop? How does it sit with you?

Okay this isn’t a rant, but a review so I’ll stop myself from making that jump.

What this film is but pure fun and enjoyment. It’s a Jean-Claude Van Damme film, with 

JVCD high kicks! 
JVCD Acting! 
And JVCD Mullet!

This is the kind of film you watch with your buddies laughing and poking fun at. Timecop has a interesting story that might seem generic but at the same time it’s somewhat special. Time travel mixed with an evil politician who uses the program for his own gain. Ron Silver plays the politician McComb, he is the highlight of this film. Definitely my favorite part of the cast. Mia Sara plays Melissa. JVCD character’s wife. I’ve always liked Mia Sara and she looks really beautiful here but something about her voice kills me. It’s soft and seems to carry no emotion. This is the only film she seems to do this in and it ticks me off, a shit ton. Since we’re on the topic of what ticks me off, lets look at the biggest problem with this film. For me I’ve always thought it had possibilities that never came. For me it would of been fun to have more of the past then the present.

Particularly in the beginning with the Civil War scene. I find this to be the stronger part of what could of been. I wish the film took place during this time period, but instead we only got a small taste of it. (Watch the TV spin off series if you as well wanted that) What we got was a race to stop the politician and the generic subplot of the dead wife. Even with that, all is good.

The film is still enjoyable. I mean how can it not? Jean-Claude Van Damme and time travel. Come on!

If you enjoy Van Damme films then you will enjoy Timecop!

April 20, 2013

OBLIVION

OBLIVION: Predictable

126mins/Action/2013

Story: Without getting into spoilers, do to the fact I could easy ruin the film for you, I’m just gonna say it’s pretty predictable. Way too predictable in the sense before every corner in the story, you will predict everything. Which of course hurts the film. The story is okay, really its just okay, sure it’s better then most in this genre and has a bit of originality to it, but we seen stuff like this before. The ending has issues and at times the story feels weak. The best parts for me is the music and the look of this film. The story does have twist and turns but when it happens you most likely figured it out for yourself. For me I kept saying, “Well okay that’s what I thought”. Is it good? Yes it is with all the issues its diffidently one of the better films this year.

Olga Kurylenko (Julia) – Weak. The character and not the actress. The character feels like the writers just didn’t give the effort when writing her as like the others (mostly like Victoria who is awesome sauce).
Morgan Freeman (Malcolm Beech) – Well yep he’s pretty damn awesome like every time we watch him. 
Music (M83) – My favorite part. Listen I’ve been a BIG fan for years now and always wanted to see the band do a score for a film. And at times during the film,  I would  just fall back into my chair listening to the score.
Tom Cruise (Jack Harper) – He’s Tom Cruise in this film…again. I kinda would like to have seen some one else but he did good, even at 50.

Joseph Kosinski (Director, Producer, Screenplay, Story) – The guy knows his stuff. When Tron Legacy came out, it brought a smile to my face. He took us to a world that I just haven’t seen or felt in awhile. The guy did that on his first film, his FIRST! This is only his second film, and I feel the guy just knows his stuff more then most, who have been at it far longer. Visually and musically the guy kills it.

Side-note: Apparently all the sky images you see in the film, according to the director, he photographed them himself and is not CGI! That’s what I like to see and hear!

December 1, 2012

Double-ovember, For Your Eyes Only

For Your Eyes Only: Roger
127min, Action, 1981

Twelfth Bond film

Villain: Aristotle Kristatos, Blofeld 

Bond Girl(s): Melina Havelock,
Countess Lisl von Schlaf,
Bibi Dahl

I’ve always said that there really hasn’t been a bad Bond film. Nope they’re all good. Sure we have a few weak ones, but over 50 years that’s pretty damn unbelievable.

Roger is a fun Bond to watch. But he did seem to get old for the part, to the point I believe they should of started over. For Your Eyes Only should of been the last for him. Because I honestly think this is one of his strongest films and I believe you should always go out when your on top. To give you an idea, after this was Octopussy (1983) and then A View to a Kill (1985) (his final). So yeah should of left on FYEO, but hey it is what it is so…

Intro: Don’t care for that intro. Could of been better, really so much better. Blofeld killed Bond’s wife, should of been a better revenge intro…Thou the song is pretty good. In fact its so good it still plays on the radio to this day!

The first half of For Your Eyes Only is a bit weak but the last half is Roger at his top. Roger is everything but a serious Bond, but here he gets there a little bit. It is his Bond’s most serious and I like that.

The film has some thrilling scenes in it. The two big ones are the Ski Chase and Cliff Climbing sequence. Before this was Moonraker, which is what it is. It was a big film with big special effects. For Your Eyes Only went back to the realistic approach and that felt refreshing.

I picked Roger as my word because when I watch this film he’s the one that really pulls everything together. This is do to the some what serious approach we get from Roger’s Bond and I like that. Also when you look at that poster the first thing you notice is Roger, right? Yeah that would be a little sarcasm.

All in all Rogers best film.

Just a side note: Two actors that appear in this film are on HBO’s Game of Thrones, that’s pretty neat I think!…Or not, man I’m a loser!

November 30, 2012

Double-ovember, Dr. No

Dr. No: Historic
110min/Action/1962

First Bond Appearance


Villain: Dr. Julius No

Bond Girl(s): Honey Ryder
Sylvia Trench
Miss Taro

So here it is, the film that started a strong 50 year film franchise. Without this film who knows where the state of movies would be these days. This film is historic and its a damn good film.

Why is this film historic? Well the film had every odd against it and its amazing it even got made. Even if you might not like it, you would have to admit it is historic.

Dr. No is a fantastic film, might not be my number one but it is up there.  The story is good, again not the greatest nor the weakest. The films villain is Dr. Julius No (Is that a badass name or what?) His look and accent for me hit every note one could hope for. He sets the bar very high right out of the gate. To make a film is difficult on so many levels to begin with, but to make a film a classic is something wonderful. Production is second to none (Thanks Ken Adam). Music is great and Terence Young creates a wonderful formula.

There are a hand full of classic scenes, one of course is Honey Ryder’s out of the water shot. You know it if you have seen the film or not, that’s how classic it is. It really boggles my mind how they came up with so many classic introduction scenes in this film. From the first introduction of  these characters to the viewer is simply amazing. But the best is Bond’s. The way this is shot is perfect. Here we have one of the most historic characters of all time and they shoot it 100% perfect. First you hear of “some guy” named James Bond and you don’t see him. We are at a casino and all you see first of him is his hands. Then his back. Then his hands again, this time tossing the cards as he kicks ass at the table. He asks the lady’s name then she asks his name. Now you see his face for the first time as he says,

“Bond, James Bond”

Cue the music as he lights up a cigarette…

and so it begins!
   

November 13, 2012

Double-ovember, Skyfall (Justin’s Take)

Skyfall: Beautiful
(143mins, 2012, Action)

Beautiful both visually and story.

Lets just get this out and say, Skyfall is the most beautiful looking film I’ve seen this year and I might even say within a few years. Roger Deakins has made a stunning looking film that wowed me at the theater. Thanks Roger you made the best looking Bond film in years.

Skyfall might not be the best Bond film ever like a lot of people are saying, I believe From Russia With Love holds that title, but Skyfall is in the top 10.

Why? Because it is a different side of Bond. To make films that span 50 years and each one touches a fan in its own way is a remarkable thing. You might remember the first Bond film you saw. You might have a favorite film and maybe you have a film that touches your life. Each Bond film has one of these toward a person who views a Bond film. But when you do the formula like what Bond has used so many times it will at one point get a bit tougher for new ideas. We can all pick a point where Bond films got weak but believe it or not there isn’t a bad Bond film. They’re all good in their own way.

Skyfall takes a completely different approach to the formula and I stand up and applaud it. Yet, it never goes off the formula that we all have come to love.

Spoilers

The star of Skyfall is M. I didn’t mind M being the star. I enjoyed it, but we also got Bond’s backstory. I always wanted to touch on Bonds family in a film, but I felt it was slightly wasted for Skyfall. But then again it was nice to see that finally. Daniel Craig gives his best performance as Bond. Q works well and I can see an awesome future with him. M shines and it was great to see that. Silva is Craig’s best Bond villain. That might of been the one weakest part of Craig’s Bond films. Sure CR and QOS had okay villains but we really got a great, classic Bond villain for Craig this time. We also have a new composer which was refreshing. Sam Mendes did a great job and I hope he comes back for another one. And I look forward to having Ralph Fiennes in the future Bond films. Always loved the guys acting.

I liked Skyfall’s Bond girls but for Sévérine I thought she was underused. I would of like to have seen more of her instead of making her a throwaway. Eve was good and I’m curious to see her evolve in the next few films.

When I reviewed The Dark Knight Rises I said this was made for Batman fans, well Skyfall was made for Bond fans. There are a ton of Bond references in this film that came off really badass.

A older couple was sitting to the right of me and they just kept telling me how they have seen all the Bond films at the theater since the start. They said Skyfall remind them of that early time period and they liked that about it.

Speaking of the ending as a fan, this is the ending we needed. We are now back to the classic formula. Moneypenny, a new M and Q is finally back. That scene at the end in the office gave me chills because we haven’t had that in such a long time. Even the set design with the dark wood and coat hanger just got me excited. I even kept hoping that Bond would throw a hat onto that hanger.

It felt so awesome.

Skyfall is a wonderful film. It’s fantastic film with a few issues, but hey almost all films have some nitpicks.

I didn’t like how the story of the film was about the lost drive and Bond was trying to track it down. Then half way into the film after making so much fuss about it not a word comes up on it again and it becomes protecting M. I understand why, but I just would of like a better transfer of the two parts.

I felt the komodo dragon scene was okay on till the eating. I know they went for that classic Bond death but it came off a bit odd.

And the last thing was all about Bond being old…Might be my most hated thing about this great film. Two films before it, it was the rage that he was all young and new. Now he just too damn old. And I like the old storyline but maybe in a few years when Craig is ready to say goodbye. Not now. Sorry I felt that was out of place and it got to me.

The Skyfall scene was fantastic. It felt so different but yet so Bond-ish. And I just can’t get over the beautiful look of this film. Really beautiful lighting and composition. The song by Adele was great, felt like the great classic Bond themes we all love!

All in all I thought it was a great film. It looks amazing in IMAX even taught it didn’t use IMAX cameras and even the Sony 4k viewing I saw in the small theater looked fantastic. (even though their audio sucked. Theater’s fault not the film.)

Go see Skyfall its a good time and a damn good Bond film.

September 30, 2012

Dredd 3D

Dredd 3D: Girl-Power
Its another Dredd film and its just another day. I went into this film thinking it would be nothing short of crap. It’s been a long time I went to the movies, so maybe I just enjoyed going out with friends or maybe it was just a okay film.
Is it good? No
Is it bad? Nope
The issue with the film is constant. So the whole time I watched the film I kept thinking of these issues…
The size of Dredd’s helmet.
Why is Anderson the better character?
Ma-Ma could be a good villain but it is missing something?
The drug in the film
The slow mo scenes
Lets start with the helmet. It was too big on Dredd. The problem is Karl Urban’s head isn’t big enough for the helmet and so the helmet on his head just looked odd and bad. It just doesn’t work for me. I say cut the difference and make the helmet a bit smaller that way his head looks on par with other male judges or if anything, a bit bigger.
Next is Anderson. She owed that film. Stole every scene and yes caused some plot holes. She is a mutant with psychic powers. She can read peoples minds. So why in one scene does the guy they arrested escape from the handcuffs and take her gun as well as her hostage? Everyone I went with had a problem with that scene too, so it’s not just me.
Ma-Ma. Sure she is a kickass villain  The actress they got, I love her acting i.e. Terminator and Game of Thrones, but that damn stupid costume. The whole damn time I kept thinking she should have something like a oversized pea coat or really anything interesting  The costume should scream badass gang leader, not gang leader who wears her sisters hammy downs (slang for “hand me downs” where I’m from 😉
The drug is stupid, there I said it. Nothing like seeing badass gang members sucking on a inhaler. Man everyone has asthma in Mega City 1? That sucks :0
The slow mo. Too much of a good thing can be bad. The slow mo looked good, for a sec, not the 20 mins it played. Another issue everyone I went with said those scenes went way too long.
What did I like?
Anderson
Mega City 1 looked neat, right?
Anderson
The sound (shitty theater, surprised with the awesome sound thou)
Anderson again?
Karl did a okay job as Dredd, but his body size just didn’t work for me.
Listen Im not a Dredd fan, but I did enjoy watching the film even though it wasn’t that good, but I won’t go buy a DVD because my enjoyment came and went. I guess wait till its on TV and its raining out, hey it might not be good but its 100% better then Underworld: Awakening

September 14, 2012

The Mechanic

The Mechanic: Works
(The 2011 remake)

Cheesy Acting, Cheesy Directing with a few plot holes.

Well listen it was on Showtime and it was late. I thought hey what the hell, lets give it a shot.
It Works, I did enjoyed the film but it is far from perfect.
It’s a film I usually call a throwaway. A film possibly not intended to be discarded after being watched once but in my world it is.

If you like a nice little action film and there is nothing on TV, go for it.
Otherwise that’s it.
Will I buy this film on DVD or Blu-ray, nay Im good.

What I really did like about this film is the hits they do. It kinda felt like the Hitman video game series that I love so dearly. The actors I thought fit perfect in those scenes and the way they killed them I thought was enjoyable.

NOTES:

I’m getting sick of Jason Statham doing the same, “I’m always pissed off, but I’m a Badass”.
It works on Crank yes, It works on the Transporters yes. Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and The Bank Job yes, and it kinda works in this film but I am getting sick of it. I still like the guy, but enough is enough.

Ben Foster on the other hand stole the film. I really enjoyed him in this. The guys acting is really underrated.

How come they left finger prints everywhere? I know its a film, but that got on my nerves. They are Hitmen right? Don’t Hitmen know about finger prints? Man it got on my nerves too much!

When a Hitman uses Ask.com, Really Ask.com. Don’t know how good of a Hitman he really is if he uses Ask.com.

Why can’t Donald Sutherland do more films and not be a throwaway side piece. I love seeing this guy on the screen, need more of that these days.

And a NOTE for all action films these days, STOP with the CG Blood! It looks horrible, its so bad it makes the film less respectful.

August 24, 2012

Expendables 2

NOSTALGIC

You ever found yourself starting a diet but end up cheating a few weeks in by eating a box of chocolate frosted donuts?  That is what watching Expendables 2 is like.  You know they are fattening.  You know they are bad for you.  But for the brief time it takes you to scarf those donuts down, you’re in heaven.
The spectrum of action films usually breaks down like this:  SMART.  SMART FUNFUNDUMB FUN.  OR JUST PLAIN DUMB.  Expendables 2, like it’s predecessor, falls completely under the DUMB FUN category.  It is a half a beat away from being a full on parody.  And that is why you can’t be as mad with Expendables 2 as you can be with this or this
1.  Is the plot nonexistent?  Yes.
2.  Is the acting bad?  Yes.
3.  Is the action unrealistic?  Yes.
4.  Is Father Time catching up to most of the cast?  Yes.
5.  Do I like to list things?  Yes.
Expendables 2, however, relies on it’s NOSTALGIA while giving enough winks at the camera to make sure we remember what it is.  A dumb, yet, fun love letter to 80s guilty pleasure action films.  If you’re under the age of 25, this sort of NOSTALGIA might not hold any relevance.  But if you’re a child of the 80s and remember how awesome First Blood Part 2 was, or how joyfully insane Commandowas, or how over the top in a good way Bloodsport was, this is the box of donuts for you.  Go ahead….cheat on your diet a little….then tell me I’m wrong.   

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