Batman v Superman

May 10, 2017

The Best of Armond White: (A Retrospective) Part Two

So apparently we need to “educate ourselves.” That was what Armond White told us to do after releasing Part One of our Four Part look at some of his reviews on Rotten Tomatoes. First of all, this is all supposed to be tongue-in-cheek. If you’ve listen to The Simplistic Reviews Podcast, you know how good we are at putting our tongues firmly in cheeks, any cheeks if you know what we mean…

And Second, if you think we are doing this to get a rise out of someone, we’re not. You might call bulls*it on that comment, but we are just taking the piss and having a little fun. If people get their feelings hurt, well, that’s all part of the game isn’t it.
Part Two is going to cover some of the films that were universally savaged all over Rotten Tomatoes, yet low and behold, Mr. White found some little rays of sunshine in them.
Dirty Grandpa (2016) 11% RT Score
Armond Say: The fun of sex is the entire point of the raunchy, goofy Dirty Grandpa. You have to be humorless (and sex-averse) to be offended by its deliberate naughtiness as so many critics have demonstrated.
Matt Says: White brings up a good point; sometimes a sex comedy is just a sex comedy. Why should people be upset about Zach Efron topless either?
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016) 28% RT Score 
Armond Says: In this age of petty Marvels, most comic-book movies merely perpetrate fantasies of power, but Snyder, enacting his personal aesthetic, braves a film that examines those fantasies. He boldly challenges popular culture’s current decay.

Matt Says: I do agree that the polished and shiny look of Marvel films is wearing thin, even on myself, and the grittier and darker tone of the DCU can be alluring, but Batman v Superman still isn’t all the great.

Your Highness (2011) 27% RT Score 
Armond Says: By trashing fairytale propriety, Green and McBride personalize the genre enthusiasm of the Star Wars generation.

Matt Says:Taking a piss out of films like “The Princess Bride” and other adult-oriented fairy tales films, “Your Highness” isn’t as bad as many people say and you might say it’s unappreciated in our time and will become a cult classic in the next 10 years or so.


The Green Hornet (2011) 43% RT Score 

Armond Says: Rogen’s image and his attitude as co-screenwriter of The Green Hornet updates the bland superhero template using comic irreverence.

Matt Says: White is very forgiving of anything Judd Apatow, Seth Rogen, and anyone from that film family tree. “Green Hornet” isn’t bad, it just so happened to be a film that no one cared about and no one asked for. An ego stroke for Rogen is anything.

Jonah Hex (2010) 12% RT Score 


Armond Says: It reexamines assumptions of good and evil-morality tale vs, trite entertainment-by confronting the hideous compromises people make with social conventions and their own desperation.

Matt Says: I guess there is something to be said about “Jonah Hex;” It’s a film…that was made by a studio and released nationwide based on a comic book character that is about as fringe as it gets.


Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009) 19% RT Score 

Armond Says: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is more proof [Bay] has a great eye for scale and a gift for visceral amazement.

Matt Says: There’s never been any doubt about Michael Bay as a filmmaker. However, people will always blame him for creating robots that couldn’t read and reinforcing stereotypes that are more than meets the eye. Oh, and ruining people’s childhoods as well from what I’ve been told.

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007) 37% RT Score 

Armond Says: Of all the summer’s big-budget action sequels, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer is the least painful.

Matt Says: A backhanded compliment to say the least. Other big budget flicks from 2007 included: Spider-Man 3, Transformers, Ghost Rider….yeah, good point.


The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou 56% RT Score 

Armond Says: It’s part of that American eccentricity to obsess over growing up. Anderson’s obsession has genuine, daffy substance.

Matt Says: A 56% for “The Life Aquatic” is criminal, and I honestly don’t understand the subtle dislike for one of Wes Anderson’s more off-the-wall films.

Stay tuned soon for Part Three where we examine films where Mr. White and RT are on the same page when it comes to the bottom of the cinema barrel.
July 4, 2016

Ep. 71: Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice – Ultimate Edition – Movie Commentary: July 2016

Batman V Superman

 2016 | Superhero | 181 minutes

Today on this 4th of July we fight a 3hr war, one we thought we would lose. But we made it through all 3hrs of Zack Snyder’s poor choices to bring you another Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary. We’re sure you have better things to do today. Drink and Eating come to mind. But the time may come when you must watch that

Batman V Superman

Dawn of Justice

Ultimate Edition

Extended Cut

Collectors Edition

Movie Commentary

Christ that’s a mouthful. Then lets watch it together. A army of one. A uprising to be independent from unbelievable plot holes in a $250 million dollar movie. I mean it’s crazy to think these people are professionals and still somehow find work.

So remember young ones. You don’t need to jam 10 pounds of shit into a 5 pound bag. Fill up that first bag with all that needed shit and grab another 5 pound bag to finish stuffing that shit. Because having two bags of shit is okay, not one overstuffed bag of shit with plot holes throughout its 3hr run time is okay. Shit boys and girl, that just doesn’t fly!
 
March 25, 2016

Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice

Spoiler Free Review
Batman V Superman
Dawn of Justice:
Bloated 
 2h 33mins | Action | 2016

So how is Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice?

It’s Good. Not great…but good.



That’s it in a nutshell. The movie is fun, dark and gritty. Everyone’s sure to be favorite is Batman. Big reason I went to see it plus well… Wonder Woman. Been dying to see Wonder Woman in a movie. But Batman…he is simply amazing.

The film as a whole is riddled with problems. The truth is the movie itself is its own worse enemy.

Let’s start with the good.

Ben Affleck kills it as both Bruce Wayne and Batman. First actor that filled both those shoes since Keaton. Keaton as Bruce Wayne really? Yes he was the closest. When Batman Begins hit I thought Bale did the deuces, but as his mantel of Batman continued his voice became worse. Keaton in two films held the two better then anyone else since. Well until Affleck stole it from under his cape. Affleck steals the film. Just takes the film and runs with it. The voice is awesome. The cave is great and the Batmobile, ugh I want more. Alfred was great as well. He has a few moments that will make you grin. I simply cannot rest till I see a standalone film with those two again, I just cannot. I hope Affleck does a few Batman movies and continues this with what he has created. Oh when they do, please use one villain, stop the cramming of a few into one movie.  

Lex Luther, a lot of people will hate this version but I liked it. It’s different but simple. Lex is just crazy. He is ruthless, smart and pretty much a mad scientist. Dare I say at the end I liked it? True is half way into the film I hated Eisenberg’s performance. But as the mad scientist it grew on me and at the end I was intrigued to see where it will go in the future.

Visually the movie looks great. Its dark and I liked it. All the suits look amazing. Superman, Wonder
Woman and Batman look great. The costumes are just on point. I cannot talk more on how amazing they are.

Wonder Woman was kickass. I liked her a lot and I only wish there was more. I got excited when they call out Diana Prince’s name. Her as WW that costume looks great and when she popped up she received such a large cheer at the theater. Gal Gadot is Wonder Woman and I will be there on opening day when her film drops.

Listen Batman and Wonder Woman are the the best part of this bloated film. Everything else kinda makes you wonder why. But damn it was entertaining to watch this on the big screen.

What about the Bad stuff?

The film is 10 years too late. If this came out before The Avengers I think things would work out better. Like I said the movie is its own worst enemy. The idea of this film being the beginning of this larger world and following up with having a Justice League film is the biggest issue I have here. Because this isn’t one movie.

“This is 4 movies crammed into a 2hr and 33 min film. That just didn’t need to be”

Superman was under used and weak. This could of been better on the writers end. Then again I don’t care much for Superman anyway, but come on guys. There is so much to do with him yet they seemed to not want to do the leg work.

Should Superman exist is a great idea for a movie, maybe a Superman standalone one but we didn’t need to be here yet with this film. Why? Because they first should of created a single Batman movie. The two could create a build up to a real Batman V Superman. Here there isn’t much of a buildup. Mostly you see and feel it from Bruce but I wish we had a scene were you see him at the funeral for everyone at Wayne Enterprises or something really painful. Yes you do get hints but it doesn’t feel enough for me. That beginning was great but we needed more. You understand he takes this personal and he wants this not to happen again but it should of been more of a build up. You should see that anger build which we get but there should of been more. The movie just had no more room for it. Yet its a 2 and a half film. That shouldn’t be. The movie just had no idea where to go with itself.

It should of only been Batman and Superman. Each gets to bring 1 person. That is. But when you add the Dawn of Justice, things begin to go a different way. This doesn’t become a film about Batman vs Superman, it becomes a film about coming together which isn’t what we as the viewer were sold on.

I only wanted to see each other kick each others asses. We get that but its small. Next film should of been the building of the team. I didn’t want to hear about all these other characters now, I didn’t want to hear about anything but two guys who hate each other. But that is the issue.

Too much in one film.

What you end up getting is this back and forth.

Batman is great but then you switch to Diana Prince and your like shit I want to see her in her own film. Then it’s back to Clark, then Batman damn Batman is cool I can’t wait to see-then boom! Cut to Superman then back to Woman Woman then to Bruce then to Lex.

“Ugh I just want to see Batman that is all and damn I can’t wait to see a Wonder Woman movie”. This was my thought process, over and over again. We should of gotten that before hand.

This film is bloated. It has way too many comic book stories jammed in. Way too many characters.

Just way too much in a already too long of a film.

Oh and yeah Doomsday. You saw the trailer. Well there is more but its pretty much the same Doomsday. He changes a bit and gives Superman a run for his money. This whole part felt like it could of been better. Saw a lot of great opportunities but it didn’t go as far as it could.

There is this one great shot of Superman in space that looks great, but that’s all I can say without giving anything away.

Other then that it was fun to watch but

March 23, 2016

Attention!

Stop the Spoilers

Dear Reviewers & Youtubers,

With the release of Star Wars: The Force Awakens and Batman v Superman, we here at Simplistic Reviews have notice a very big problem. A problem so big that it only leads us to saying…
Most of you are stupid, egotistic, I need to get viewer/reader assholes.

Seriously it needs to stop with the spoilers.

Stop posting reviews with spoilers.

Stop tweeting spoilers.

Stop with the Youtube videos were all you do is spoil everything for everyone.

In regards to Batman v Superman:
A movie that doesn’t come out for 2 more days but seen by a lucky bunch 3 days ago, is already spoiled by them.
Wait 1 week from the opening date. Thats it. Just wait 1 week before spoiling anything.

It is not far to those who do not get the lucky privilege of seeing a film a whole 5 days before it comes out. Take us for an example. We are waiting for the earlier 1 day screening. Already we have had things thrown at us and it hasn’t even come out. We simply can not go on any form of online media because of this douchebaggery. We can’t even go on Instagram do to the need to spoil right away in the mofo comments.  

Wait 1 goddamn week! 
or GFYS


Sincerely,

Planet Earth

March 22, 2016

The Simplistic Reviews Podcast (Ep. 66) March 2016

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY



On this ORDER 66 Episode of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys get prepped for Batman V Superman with a brand new skit.  Matt accepts our award from GeekCast Radio Network for best podcast. And to prove that they can be fair, the boys play a round of Simply Say Anything.  Trailers, Indiana Jones, and Daredevil talk.  All this and more on the March edition of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.


Notes

Order 66
Sean Connery Slapping Women Explanation
Judge Reinhold
Predator Poster
James Franco Batman Cowl

Music

In Your Eyes By Peter Gabriel

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March 17, 2016

Batman V Superman: Special Simplistic Reviews Op-ed Edition (4-5)

Batman V Superman:
Special Simplistic Reviews
Op-ed Edition

Part Four:
Lex Luther



The follow contains both official information and photos. Some fan made photos and my thoughts on the rumors.

Do you remember where you were when on the day… You heard Jesse Eisenberg was cast as Lex Luthor?


I could never forget that day. The ground rumble from the cries of fans and non-fans of the character from all around the world. Those rumbles still tremble to this day. I myself was taken back, not with hate but surprise. Never in my mind did I ever think to cast Eisenberg as Lex Luthor. He seems so small and under built, I say this by the way because I imagine Lex straight from Superman the Animated series. To me this is my favorite version of the character for both Superman and Lex. 
Sure, it looked great on TV but Lex is known for his smarts, his intellect is at a genius level. Using his skills in engineering he creates war suits and weapons that stand up to the god known as Superman. Luthor in the flesh doesn’t need to be tall, strong or speak with a deep voice, he just needs to come off like like the evil genius he is.
With Jesse Eisenberg you get that both in his voice and the visual expression he creates. But again what about looks? This is a movie after all. I couldn’t see it, Eisenberg? No! No Way
… Well the studio did want Tom Hanks to portray Lex Luthor. 😐
Then the internet happened. And listen sometimes there are these moments the internet makes me proud, sometimes it works for the good of mankind.
So what do I mean by this? Ladies and Gentlemen of Movie’s and TV. I come here today to make my case. Jesse Eisenberg will be the best Lex Luthor to ever grace our eyes. Yes you heard me, Eisenberg will be amazing and if the following is anywhere near true to life then we’re in for one fun ride. 
So I present exhibit A

Yes that’s right, you thought this was from a comic, and no it is not. That is the internet showing just how great this could be.
But what about the other side. The side about the script, which could make or break everything?
Lets play devil’s advocate and present a bit of news that could make things go south. Recently it has come out that the script was not fully a-o-k-a-y with a certain cast member… 
Ladies and Gentleman, exhibit B!



“Ben Affleck ‘Wasn’t Thrilled’ With the ‘Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice’ Script — and Rewrote It Dressed As the Superhero!”




Yes Affleck himself was not happy with the script and decided to rewrite it dressed as mofo Batman. This is the one news that made we shake in my boots. David S. Goyer apparently wrote the story and when Affleck came on board he brought along Chris Terrio. Goyer has his issues and that is what has me worried. Goyers writing with Esienberg’s delivery is what I’m most afraid about. I think we will get a great Lex Luthor, one we haven’t seen before. With all the trailers, TV spots and photos Batman V Superman is gearing up to be a fun watch. Movies have lost some fun lately, Star Wars and Deadpool has brought us back to the theater. Batman V Superman and Captain America Civil War is doing the same.

Damn 2016 is becoming a hell of a year in movies. 

Next up…
Part 5 – Batman V Superman: The Review.




April 24, 2015

The Simplistic Reviews Podcast (Ep. 46): Late April 2015

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

You might be asking yourself, “What?! Another Simplistic Reviews Podcast?  You mean these guys are actually getting off of their ass and putting out content for the public to consume?”  Yes, it might sound crazy, but…..uh….yeah….another podcast….from us…..Simplistic Reviews.

As we get closer and closer to our grandest episode so far; Number 50, we look back at our lives and search for meaning, apparently that means we bring up Bill Cosby again, the fact that Iceman is now gay, Donatello is dead, and fantasize about Moira Quirk in that sexy referee outfit…mmmmmm…..

All this, and our newest segment, Simply Say Anything, where we hold a radio over our head and praise the likes of Lena Dunham, Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2, and explain why Quentin Tarantino is actually the worst director in modern cinema.  Have we lost our minds…..maybe….but we’re not telling, and you’ll just have to listen to this month’s SIMPLISTIC REVIEWS PODCAST!!!!  WHY AM I YELLING…IN PRINT?!?!?!


 SHOW NOTES
Moira Quirk
Spider-man Shortlist
Tarantino in Sleep With Me
Donny is Dead
Iceman Gay?
Mark Summers’ non-Double Dare accident

MUSIC NOTES
My Flows Is Tight By Lord Digga
We Gotta Get Out Of This Place By The Animals
Birds And Brass By Sort Of Soul
In Your Eyes By Peter Gabriel
Nickelodeon GUTS theme
Human Beings By Van Halen

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January 12, 2015

The Simplistic Reviews Podcast (Ep. 36) January 2015

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY

It’s a brand new year and a brand new episode of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast.  This month the boys are not just joined by a Vern…they are joined by The Vern from The As You Watch Podcast and The Vern’s Video Video Vortex.  They pop his Simplistic cherry with a good ol’ game of Kill, F&%k, Marry.  And like all guests, the boys decide to go Inside The Podcaster…yes…it’s as gross as it sounds.  Also…Julie and Vern admit their feeling for each other.  All this and more on this January 2015 edition of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast

Show Notes
Bill Cosby
Deadpool Dead
No Bourne Crossover
Wolverine Dead
Quicksilver & Scarlet Witch No Longer Mutants
Fantastic Four Josh Trank Set Report
Batman v Superman Split

Music Notes
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Theme
G.I. Joe Theme
Thundercats Theme
Birds & Brass By Sort Of Soul
Action In Memphis By Johnny Pearson
My Flows Is Tight By Lord Digga
Inside The Actors Studio Theme Angelo Badalamenti

                           Check us out on FacebookTwitterYouTubeLetterboxd, and Pinterest

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