Beer

April 24, 2015

The Simplistic Reviews Podcast (Ep. 46): Late April 2015

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

You might be asking yourself, “What?! Another Simplistic Reviews Podcast?  You mean these guys are actually getting off of their ass and putting out content for the public to consume?”  Yes, it might sound crazy, but…..uh….yeah….another podcast….from us…..Simplistic Reviews.

As we get closer and closer to our grandest episode so far; Number 50, we look back at our lives and search for meaning, apparently that means we bring up Bill Cosby again, the fact that Iceman is now gay, Donatello is dead, and fantasize about Moira Quirk in that sexy referee outfit…mmmmmm…..

All this, and our newest segment, Simply Say Anything, where we hold a radio over our head and praise the likes of Lena Dunham, Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2, and explain why Quentin Tarantino is actually the worst director in modern cinema.  Have we lost our minds…..maybe….but we’re not telling, and you’ll just have to listen to this month’s SIMPLISTIC REVIEWS PODCAST!!!!  WHY AM I YELLING…IN PRINT?!?!?!


 SHOW NOTES
Moira Quirk
Spider-man Shortlist
Tarantino in Sleep With Me
Donny is Dead
Iceman Gay?
Mark Summers’ non-Double Dare accident

MUSIC NOTES
My Flows Is Tight By Lord Digga
We Gotta Get Out Of This Place By The Animals
Birds And Brass By Sort Of Soul
In Your Eyes By Peter Gabriel
Nickelodeon GUTS theme
Human Beings By Van Halen

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October 12, 2014

Rant Corner (Ep.1) – “Gotham” or: How I Learned to Stop Caring for anything on TV and Developed a Drinking Problem.

In chemistry, beer is an organic compound in which the hydroxyl functional group is bound to a saturated carbon atom. At Simplistic Reviews we take that chemistry and mix it up with a RANT!

Funny writing that Dr. Stranglove title brought me back to a date I once was on.
Do you have time for a story?

Go to    (1) for Yes       (2) for Get on with it!

(1) Okay good…Well on my date, the girl asked me about my favorite movie. I told her, “Back to the Future”. She said her favorite was Dr. Stranglove. I explained I loved that film dearly including its beautiful hilarious long title. She responded with Stranglove? “Well, yes the whole thing” I said with a fork placing the chicken in my mouth. She said, “It’s not that long”. I in a state of wtf said, “Yes, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb”. She responded with, “That’s not the title, its Dr. Stranglove…” I waited for the “or how I stop”. It never came just like a god bless you after a sneeze. I got up and walked away. Never to speak to her again.

I’ll have to tell you about the Back to the Future Date next time.

So Saturday and Sunday Cartoons are no more. Don’t worry we have something to fill up that time slot for ya, how about a Drunken Rant?!

Justin pops open some Firestone Double dba why because it’s vintage bitch! And since it’s our first episode of our Rants, we figure we spend a little more money on the production value because we love you and we at Simplistic Reviews love all that is intoxication. Yes some say its a problem we say it adds to the production, and you need it especially when dealing with Fox’s, Gotham

(2) Oh…god… do you need that alcohol when watching that thing called a show.

P.S. I was pretty loaded in this, enjoy! 

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY


March 19, 2013

The Simplistic Reviews March Madness Bracket of Good and Evil


*Update 3-20-2013*

Good day all, just an update to this little, I guess you can call it a contest now.  On Friday we will be starting the draw for the Simplistic Reviews March Madness Bracket of Good and Evil.  To try and make things as random as possible we will be using Random.org to decide who moves on in the bracket.  To make things even more “random” we will be making the draw for each match-up, FIVE TIMES, so the best of five will win the match-up.  All brackets will lock on March 23nd, 2013 at 6:00 pm EST.

The first round will run from 3-23-2013 to 3-26-2013. 
The second round will run from 3-26-2013 to 3-28-2013.  
The Sweet 16 will run from 3-29-2013-3-30-2013.  
The Elite 8, 3-31-2013.  
The Final Four, 4-01-2013
The Championship on 04-07-2013

Remember if you participate by filling out a bracket and send them to simplisticreviewsblogspot@gmail.com
you could win a beer from Matt’s Private Stash ( the list will be named later based on turn out).

Original Post, March 18th, 2013

Since we LOVE to be cliched and trite here at Simplistic Reviews, we only felt it appropriate to jump on the bandwagon, whore ourselves out, and create a list of characters from TV and Film (sorry, no cartoons on this one) that we’d like to think are the most vile and evil, as well as the most heroic and dedicated to truth, justice, and sometimes, but mostly not, the American way.

Oh by the way, it’s also NCAA Tournament Time….no big deal.  But what better way to co-opt a time honored tradition like treating athletes like indentured servants and flying out to Las Vegas, doing a lot of coke, and gambling away your daughter’s college fund, than creating OUR version of the NCAA tournament with, what else, make believe people from the movie screen and TV box;  presenting, The 1st Annual Simplistic Reviews March Madness Bracket of Good and Evil, (copyright pending).

For the next few weeks, we will be breaking down the bracket, click HERE for a downloadable version, and pitting characters together in a fight to the “death” to see who will prevail.  Will the goodness of good defeat the badness of bad?  Will a Cinderella story like The Toxic Avenger mop up the competition (see, what I did there) or will Jack Bauer shoot enough people in the head on his way to save President David Palmer……from purchasing bad auto insurance.

Send us your picks, comments, inquiries, hate mail, and general gripes and we will take them under consideration, and by consideration I mean burning them in effigy, so to make things easier for us, send a glamor shot of yourself.  But in all honesty, print out the bracket below, or save paper and just copy it, open it in a program on either a PC or Mac and have a ball.

Print or view the bracket, HERE

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