comedy horror

November 1, 2012

31 Nights of Halloween, Silent Night Deadly Night: Part 2

Silent Night Deadly Night Part 2: Breathtaking
(88mins, 1987, Horror)

Prologue:

Unlike the first film I did not get to see this in the theater. Hopefully one day I can (its one of my goals in life). After seeing the classic Silent Night Deadly Night, I needed to watch it again. I looked high and low for the DVD and finally stumbled a pond a double feature with an, at the time unknown, Part 2—Wait what a Part 2? I bought that DVD right away. Once it came I popped it in the player and made some popcorn, little did I know that film would changed my life forever. I called the gang that saw the first one and told them to come over so we could all get together to watch this film. It made so much of an impression on us we couldn’t stop quoting the film. We never seen a film had so many classic lines like this. This was the days pre-YouTube and if I said GARBAGE DAY!, no one would know what the hell I was saying. This is the B-movie of B-movies, one that will live long after I’m gone. I have nothing but love for this badly made film.

NAUGHTY!

Ricky Caldwell: “You tend to get paranoid when everyone around you gets dead.” 

Ricky Caldwell: “Fuck off… Doc!” 
NAUGHTY!
Review:
This film is one of my favorite comedies of all time. The problem with that statement is it’s not a comedy but a horror film and lets okay with me. Every aspect of this film is funny as hell. Eric Freeman’s acting is the most amazing thing on film stock ever! Each word is overblown and almost every time he talks he moves his eyebrows up and down. It’s extremely noticeable onscreen, never has something been so noticeable. His acting is so bad here, its a one of a kind of pure greatness. I’m not make this a personal thing with Eric Freeman because he had nothing to work with, it wasn’t his fault. Well he is part of it but in fact he is what makes this film watchable. I would like nothing but to interview him or even write something he could act in, something needs to happen nowadays he’s that awesome.
Chip: “Listen Bud… that’s what she said when I fucker her brains out on the backseat of old Red here.” 

               NAUGHTY!
The whole film is 88 minutes. More then half of the film is the first one. Yep thats right they use the first film as flashbacks to the point it is more material then part 2. The funny thing about this is Ricky didn’t have a lot of scenes in the first one. So Ricky tells about Billy’s scene which he couldn’t have known about. He wasn’t even in the room in these flashbacks, so how could he have
known? And he didn’t get to talk to his brother about the murders because Billy was killed. I have never seen any film do something like this, where a sequel uses the first film more then the new storyline. Sure you need to tell the viewer what happened to the family but not a hour of footage of the first film. Not sure if this was something planned or maybe to cut production cost. They writes say this was do to the first film getting dropped out of the theater. the producers wanted to re-edit it or make a part 2 with the first films footage to get it back in the theaters. Ether way the very little footage of a Part 2 is amazing enough to even out do the first in the crazy/funny/goofy category. 
They even used it for the movie they go see at the theater!
NAUGHTY!

Ricky Caldwell: “My old lady couldn’t afford to send me to college. So I got a job. I was washing dishes, dumping trash… all that sort of shit. I think you’re gonna like this next part. It sounded like some squirrel getting his nuts squeezed.”
(Watch this video to see the single greatest part in any film ever!)
Ricky Caldwell: [Wielding an axe] “Oh Mother Superior! I’ve got a present for you!” 
 NAUGHTY!
Epilogue: 
Even with the all the plot holes and the using of a ton of the first film’s footage for a sequel, this film still stands out as a B-Film masterpiece. Honestly both the first and second films are pure gold. Can’t say that about the others that follow, but when people quote a film without seeing it or knowing a damn thing about it, that’s when you know you have something special.

And boy is this film special.

NAUGHTY!


October 31, 2012

31 Nights of Halloween, Silent Night Deadly Night

Silent Night Deadly Night: Killer
(1984, 79mins, Horror)

Prologue: 

This was one of the fantastic films I saw at the Exhumed Film Festivals that I went too back in the good days. Like Burial Ground, Silent Night Deadly Night was one of my favorites that I saw there. I might even go as far as saying, Silent Night Deadly Night might be my favorite do to the sheer fun of watching this inside a packed theater at 2am. To see a film that came out way before I even step onto this planet inside a theater is one of the greatest pleasures I have ever had. There is something awesome about seeing a film like this on the big screen.


NAUGHTY!

The Opening:

The film starts out on Christmas Eve 1971, with the family driving to see their grandfather (who was Back to the Future’s Pa Peabody). Mom, Dad, Billy and Ricky come to talk to Grandpop, put he just stares straight when they try. Everyone then leaves except Billy, who Grandpop begins to talk too.

He asks, “You scared, ain’t ya? You should be! Christmas Eve is the scariest damn night of the year!” He then asked if Billy was good this year, Billy says no and Grandpop brings to laugh saying, “You see Santa Claus tonight you better run boy, you better run for ya life!” Then the parents just happen to come back in and Grandpop stops talking acting like he was before they had left.

We cut to a man robbing a convenience store. He’s dressed as Santa and shoots the convenience store guy dead. (I’m sure you can see where this is going)

“31 bucks. Merry fucking Christmas.”
We come back to the family driving, in which they run into our killer Santa on the side of the road. They stop to see if he needs help. He pulls out his gun and kills the father. Billy gets out and runs. The mother jumps out and Santa begins to rape her as Billy watches. Santa then kills the mother and screams out into the darkness for the boy.


NAUGHTY!

Then we cut to building with a sign that reads, Saint Mary’s Home for Orphaned Children. 


NAUGHTY!

From here on the fun begins! 


Officer Miller: “Can you believe this? It’s Christmas Eve and we got orders to bring in Santa Claus.” 

Review:

Silent Night Deadly Night is a fantastic B-Movie! 

It is a fantastic horror film and even in my house a fantastic Christmas film. If you have not seen this film it is a must. Sure the acting is atrocious and everything is over the top but it is a flat out good time, with so much comedy you will be laughing a ton. The gore, the 80’s nudity and the great story of a guy dressed up as Santa Claus killing the shit out of people is enough to compel anyone to watch this B-movie masterpiece. After the first time I saw this film I wanted to watch it again, that’s how much fun it is.

Anyone like a Classic 80’s Montage! 

Ira Sims: [at closing time] “Seven o’clock… it’s over! Time to get shit-faced!” 

NAUGHTY!


                                                                                    Epilogue:

When you finish this film, you will say to yourself. “Wow that was something, there is no way on earth they could make another that was better or even on par with the first one”.

Well guess what they DID! They made the greatest sequel of all time…

Now For (Drum Roll)…

Silent Night Deadly Night: Part 2!


NAUGHTY!

October 31, 2012

31 Nights of Halloween, Burial Ground

Burial Ground: Italian

(1981, 85mins, Horror)
Introduction:
The most famous unknown Zombie film!

Never would I thought I would review the classic Burial Ground. In a way it is a honor or maybe its not 😉

Sex, Zombie, Sex, more sex. Italian zombies and Italian sex!

Part 1: My first viewing

Years ago a group of my friends and I went to B-movie festivals late at night. Once every month we would go and watch 4-6 films. It would go way into the next morning, luckily usually it wasn’t a school night so it was cool with all the parents. The reason we went was because some films got so bad, they became extremely funny and had a ton of blood like,

Zombie Holocaust 

Prom Night
Blood Feast
Silent Night, Deadly Night
and More!
Burial Ground is one of my favorites that I saw there. And to see this and many films at a theater is a experience I will never forget, simply the greatest! Burial Ground left us all talking about that damn kid.
James: “You look just like a little whore, but I like that in a girl”. 
Part 2: Story
Burial Ground is a film by Andrea Bianchi. It stars mostly unknowns except two people. The beautiful Mariangela Giordano (The Mother) who is a Queen in the world of B-movies. And Peter Bark (The Son) who is a 25 years old guy playing a child. It’s extremely creepy on screen, for all the wrong reasons. I’m not even 25 yet and the fact they used him as the “child” blows my mind, just look at his face. I read the reason they used him was because of the Italian laws at the time. Do to all the sex, children could not be used in films. In fact this film might seem to have a ton of sex but it really doesn’t. During this time a ton of horror films had a lot more sex. But its the son that really makes this film a classic B, we will talk more on that later.

In the start of the film a scientist is studying the “undead” and during this time finds the undead. The zombies kill him and the film cuts to a group of couples coming to stay at the castle. It’s that fast.

Oh and everyone just happens to be horny at the start.
10 mins into the film we get the first sex scene where Michael (the son) peeks into. It is shot extremely weird, with a shadow getting bigger and bigger on a door till you see its him. The shot last a good minute which is way too long. Somethings happen happen and then another sex scene outside comes up. In the grass a zombie pops up from the ground, which is really cool. In fact not all but some of the zombies look really good. The makeup is pretty fantastic with maggots crawling all over. This really stands out in this film as the only good thing. I would like to note this happens about 20 mins into the film, so the film dives directly into zombies right away. Which I believe is do to the weak storyline, I guess they figured they needed to keep the viewers attention so they add two sex scenes and started the film with zombies. And it does work, it did on me. 
But…
Lets be honest here the story goes nowhere and not much gets accomplished in the film.

Mark: “You’re getting a raise out of me alright, but it has nothing to do with money”.
Part 3: Peter Bark (The Son)

I wanted to talk about him. Really not sure how but his IMDB page had a very good-straight to the point Bio so lets use that.

Mini Biography

Peter Bark was a supremely creepy and unnerving Italian midget thespian who bore an uncanny resemblance to a diminutive Dario Argento. He was reportedly born in 1955. Peter achieved his greatest enduring schlock cinema cult popularity with his unforgettably freaky and disturbing portrayal of Michael, a bratty, annoying and unhinged little boy who has an unhealthy Oedipal and incestuous relationship with his overly doting mother in the deliciously cheesy Italian zombie splatter cult classic “Burial Ground.” Alas, Bark’s regrettably sparse other movie roles were uncredited bit parts and he subsequently never became the major celluloid star he deserved to be. However,
despite this unfortunate tragedy Peter Bark nonetheless remains a much beloved figure amongst hardcore aficionados of choice trashy early 80’s Italian fright feature fare.
IMDb Mini Biography By: woodyanders

That really says it perfect!

Part 4: Son and Mother
1st Scene 
After stopping a rush of zombies into the castle, Michael sits with his mother on a sofa. Michael and his mother begin to make out with the classic porn moaning this film seems to use a lot of. Michael starts to touch his mother on her chest and says how he misses her breast like when he was younger. He begins to put his hand up her dress. The mother finally snaps out of it and slaps him across the face. Michael then runs away saying,




Michael: [after making sexual advances on his mother] “What’s wrong? I’m your son!”

He runs into Leslie, one of the girls who came to the house. She at this point is a zombie, clearly she is ( anyone with half a brain can see that) but Michael is so dumb he doesn’t see it. Leslie gets closer and closer.

The film cuts to the remaining group of people which to me becomes a classic laughable moment in any zombie film. The group decides to let the zombies in because as they say, we can stay out of reach because they’re slow.

Guess what was NOT a good idea?

2nd Scene 

The mother finds Michael getting eaten by Leslie (No shit Michael couldn’t tell?). She runs over to him and begins to cry, during this time Leslie the zombie sits there eating his flesh and not caring about her. First time I’ve seen a zombie gave up a juicy human.
We cut back to the group regretting the decision as they run away from the zombies.
3rd and most famous scene!
The group runs into the mother covered in blood crying about her son.  A few more minutes go by in the film and the gang seems to run around in a circle, why they just don’t take off is beyond me. They find a monastery near the castle and enter. And guess what, the monks are all…
Zombies!
Some leave and enter another damn building. This is where the movie ends. I will not tell you anything so you can watch it for yourself but it is stupid. Thou to end the Mother-Son weird relationship 
Michael comes walking in. The mother runs toward her stupid zombie son. Everyone yells No he’s dead! She apparently doesn’t see it, like Mother like Son. She holds him rubbing up on him. She allows his hands to pull out her left breast. She says, “go ahead, just like when you where younger”. He begins to suck on it, then bites down pulling the nipple off the breast!
Yeah some crazy shit.

Part 4: Wrap up.

This film is part of the many Sex/Zombie films that came out during this time. Mostly done by Italians, the voice dubbing is part of all the things that make these films funny. I think this is the very first “Smart zombie” films ever made. The zombies do work together and also use weapons. It’s the reason, along with the famous mother and son scene, I picked this film. It’s a staple in the history of Zombie films and one I think you should see.  I mean if all the moaning they used for the women sound like someone having sex isn’t enough, then what is anymore!!!
October 22, 2012

31 Nights Of Halloween, Shocker

Shocker: Mess

The Idea is fun, The Content is weak

This is a review and also a questionnaire if anyone knows the answers to. I have so many question on this film. The first time I ever knew about this film was at the dollar store years ago. I had found the soundtrack there for just a dollar and thought it would be a cool film to watch. After listening to the disk I just had to watch this film, which brought up a ton of question. Never has a film left me with so many questions before.
“I eat this wimp’s will power for breakfast, John-bo.” Let me say first I know its a comedy-horror hybrid. It just doesn’t work for me this time around. Peter Bergs acting is not the greatest, lets just say that. Mitch Pileggi is the only reason to watch this poorly made film. Wes Craven is a favorite of mine mostly do to, A Nightmare on Elm Street, a horror masterpiece (In my opinion). This film isn’t even close to good let alone a masterpiece. Craven seems to wanna recreate that magic that was on Elm Street and as well as a new franchise. By trying to recreate, they created a film that so bloated it seems they tried every idea they could think of. It’s almost 2hrs long and thats way too long for this film, just way too long. The idea is so stretched out it gives stretch armstrong a run for this money. That line there might of been bad, but its nowhere near the cheesy dialogue in this film.

Here is a film that knows its not suppose to be good (at least I think so) and goes with it. Only redeeming value is watching this with friends do to its stupidity, other then that is hard to watch by yourself. 

The scene that sticks out for me, is the Park scene, in which we get a odd “gun shooting count”.
This is how it goes…
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,10, 11, 12
(Reloads)
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6
(Reloads)
Throws Gun
New Gun
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6
“It’s no good, Pinker; Alison told me the secret. Maybe you *were* my father, but you know who my father is now? You know who’s responsible for me? Me; no one else.”(Spoilers if you care ahead!)

Side notes: Nobody seems to care that there is a cop trying to kill a kid at this park. Also the children continue to play as gun shots ring out. And why does Jonathan seem to be running in a circle that whole time? Really lets just say, the whole direction of this film is a Mess. Doing this creates many plot-holes and makes the movie not a movie but a joke. The script needs a line of time to stay on its course, like a train on a track. The film seems to have its scenes written individually, thrown in a bag then picked out one by one for the film. This makes things tough to follow and allows the viewer to really not care. As you watch this film things just pop up for no reason, like Alison talking from the dead, did I miss something? And the damn necklace that Jonathan gives to her, apparently it has a bit magic, how? And didn’t he get rid of the necklace 6ft under? How did it come back from being 6ft under? 

“It smells like the goddamn electric chair in here.” 
So as I watch this film I asked myself, if Pinker is apparently Jonathan’s father, then why is he trying to kill his own son? Because his son shot Pinker in the leg? Seems a bit much I think. Also why the hell is Jonathan so damn hard to kill? Because Jonathan doesn’t seem so bright, I mean he does run in circles as Pinker tries to kill him. Oh and I don’t think anyone will disagree on this one, but Jonathan’s adapted father is a idiot. Why was he written so badly? He doesn’t realize anything, even when Jonathan proves to him he knows things that can help catch Pinker, he keeps shooting down his adapted kid who knows things he shouldn’t know.

How could he travel into bodys, because of the devil worshiping he did? Is that why he can’t die? And how can Jonathan see into the future? I found it funny the cops have to read the miranda rights from a piece of paper, they don’t know it by heart yet?

And why was finding one killer so difficult? Seriously they had a shitty group of police in that town.
Why? Why? Why?
Maybe I just don’t remember, but I do believe they didn’t explain this stuff. Hey possibly I had passed out or something because I’ve never had so many question after watching a movie.
Listen I usually don’t care so much about stupid films like this, I really like stupid horror films for the comedy side of it but this film had too many questions on this one.

Like I said in the beginning watch it with friends or if you can’t sleep one night pop it in.

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