Friday the 13th

July 18, 2017

Let’s Go to Camp! Summer Camp Movies That Make You Feel Summery

Been a while since we put on a list, I mean didn’t you hear that lists make the world go round in this business of ours?!

So being in the dog days of Summer might be a little rough, but I’m sure we all remember those day at camp. Going to the pool, archery, ghost stories, panty raids, alllll the good stuff. So I put on the old thinking cap and came up with some films that bring out the spirit of the season and get us back to camp! In no particular order, let’s go to camp!

Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives

Sure, this isn’t the best F13 film, but by and large, this is the one that introduced some of the more interesting aspects to Jason and pretty much made him a super powered, teleporting killer. Plus, this is the only film in the series that actually had a Summer Camp with kids at the camp. There were actually some stakes in this edition and it also closed out the three film Tommy Jarvis arc.

Camp Nowhere
Growing up, I loved “Salute Your Shorts.” If you ask me, it was one of the best to ever grace Nickelodeon. “Camp Nowhere” was the closest thing I ever got to a “Salute Your Shorts” movie. Imagine being a kid and thinking that you could run your own camp and buy anything you want and have free reign to go ape shit. And just look above, you have Doc Brown using a fish as his ventriloquist dummy. Classic Summer hijinks.
Ernest Goes to Camp
I’m a sucker for Ernest flicks. Most of them aren’t very good, but just like “Camp Nowhere” there is a definite nostalgia factor for me here. Ernest is your classic ner-do-well trying to get a group of disorderly teens whipped into shape. Then you have some subplot where an Indian Reservation is going to be destroyed by a group of greedy land owners, and it just kind of gets weird. But overall, it’s campy camp goodness. 
Addams Family Values
Even though the camp aspect of “Addams Family Value” is just a side plot, it provides a good amount of the comedy beats throughout. A worthy sequel that in many ways surpasses its original and is still a fun watch to this day.
Wet Hot American Summer
“Wet Hot American Summer” is great in all of it’s absurdity. Talking vegetable cans, Vietnam flashbacks, and obvious 30 year olds playing 18 year olds is just half the fun. Being a longtime fan of “The State” this film has all the insanity of the underrated sketch comedy show with an A-Z list of actors who would make it big in just a few years. Unappreciated in it’s time, this flick has aged incredibly well. 
Troop Beverly Hills
This one is for the ladies. Take all the films you know about the misfits and underdogs, and you have “Troop Beverly Hills.” In a genre that is littered with male-geared Summer Camp fantasies, it’s cool to have the ladies take the wheel and have some fun.
Sleepaway Camp
If you dig down into the bones of “Sleepaway Camp” it’s almost a camp comedy featuring bad dialogue, weird camp tropes, a pedophile that gets their comeuppance. If you’ve never seen this one before, you owe it to yourself to see the turns it takes in the 3rd act. 
If you have any other Summer Camp flicks that make you yearn for your mommy and daddy back home, leave a comment below!
October 6, 2015

The Horror Time Capsule – 1989: Friday the 13th Pt. 8: Jason Takes Manhattan

CHEESE

Friday the 13th Pt. 8 – Cheese

There is good cheese, and bad cheese; “Friday the 13th Pt. 8” is equals part both, mainly because it is so God damned 80s. It reeks of everything the 1980s was and will always be remembered by. In fact, this film is the most 80s of all the films in the series. Did I mention how 80s this film is….

So, “Jason Takes Manhattan.” Once again, Jason rises from the grave, again, with the help of some lightning and a metal anchor. After his first two welcome back kill of some horny, and whiny, teens, he catches a ride with more horny and whiny teens on a high school cruise to New York City. On this doomed cruise is Renny, a teen who also happens to have some history with Jason, her dickhead “stepfather-of-sorts” and Kelly Hu in one of her first roles.

Needless to say, Jason kills a bunch of kids, visits Manhattan, and is of course stopped in one of the oddest endings to a “Friday the 13th” movie.

Two things that stand out to me in this one is the resemblance to “The New Blood.” We have a teen heroine who has a history with Jason in addition to an overbearing father figure and worrisome mother figure. There is a pseudo-romance between said heroine and hero that is somewhat awkward, and of course the girl who is jealous of the heroine but gets her comeuppance.

The other thing is the vision of New York itself. People tend to forget that New York in the 80s and 90s was pretty much a cesspool. It was pretty dirty and you could say dangerous before gentrification took over. There also seemed to be a lot of open toxic waster just hanging around. New Yorkers who grew up in the 80s and 90s in the city, is this true?

Anyway, while this is one of the weaker edition in the series, it’s still totally watchable if not just for the fashion, funny Jason kills, and of course we can’t forget Kane Hodder who just brings something special to the Jason role.

For more awesome 80s fashion, check out these other hits:

976-EVIL
Friday the 13th Pt 8
Halloween 5
Leviathan
Nightmare on Elm Street 5
Pet Sematary
Warlock

April 22, 2015

SR Podcast (Ep. 45): Slaughter High – Movie Commentary: April 2015

Movie Commentary Time!

Slaughter High

1986 – 90 mins – Slasher/Horror

Today we watch and make fun of the 90 min B-Slasher film, Slaughter High. We know what you are saying, “It’s finally here!” Since the Podcast gang has been talking about Slaughter High numerous times on Podcasts and even a episode on Unboxing/Reviews.

Slaughter High is about eight people that are invited to their 10-year high school reunion at their now-closed down high school where a former student, disfigured from a prank gone wrong, is there to seek revenge. Simple and to the point but it’s got its issues.

Slaughter High is a fun, entertaining film of which everyone should see. If you haven’t this is the perfect time to watch!

Also this Movie Commentary is sponsor by Tide Stick!

Remember kids, if you go on a murderous rampage bring along a Tide Stick!

March 19, 2015

Simplistic Reviews Presents: Unboxing the Box of Dread! March 2015

It’s time for another unboxing video. In the vein of what Justin did a few months back with Rotten Rentals, this time around Matt breaks into a subscription box from “Box of Dread.” Enjoy!

February 17, 2015

Slaughter Film Presents: Action Movie Time Machine – Malibu Express

FLAT – but not flat chested

February has a lot going on. There is Valentines Day, Black History Month, Women In Horror Month, American Hearth Month, as well as about two-dozen other days devoted to nonsense like eating ice cream for breakfast. Also during this minimal month of made-up celebrations is the birthday of notable filmmaker Andy Sidaris. Every February 20th we at Slaughter Film try to sit down and watch a few of his films, Malibu Express being his fist independent feature. Before that Sidaris worked in television mostly, and since, he has developed quite the reputation of making films that showcase some of America’s finest “Bullets, Bombs & Babes”.

The year is 1985. Dairy Queen invents the “Blizzard”, Nintendo give birth to the Mario Brothers, Dr. Herbert West re-animates the dead in “Re-Animator” and Rock Hudson dies of AIDS.

THE SKINNY
Things kick off with Cody Abilene, Darby Hinton, a private investigator who lives on a boat, drives a red DeLorean and carries a .44 Magnum, even though he couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn with it. Cody is a native Texan who has moved to Malibu for work and along the way he has made friends of some pretty colorful characters. Some of which include his boat neighbors May and Faye, a big breasted stock car driver June Khnockers, all three of which are Playboy Playmates and Sexy Sally, a phone sex operator among others. Are you starting to notice a theme here?

 

As Cody investigates, he discovers that Lady Chamerlain’s nephew Stuart is secretly a cross dresser who has been sleeping with Sean the butler. Stuart’s wife, Anita, is also sleeping with Sean and so is Stuart’s sister Liza. Sean is an ex-con who owes a loan shark thirty thousand dollars and he also has a nasty habit of secretly recording and photographing the sex he is having with this family. Soon Sean winds up dead and the rest of the film becomes a “who-done-it?” with Sean being the keeper of everyone’s dirty laundry.
While Cody is trying to piece together the murder he manages to sleep with Contessa, his two hot boat neighbors, a local lady officer who Cody brings in for help, some random girl he borrows a car from, and, maybe a few others that I forgot about. I kinda lost count. There is also a sub-plot about a family a backwoods bumpkins who keep challenging Cody to a street race.
Cody finally gets close to the computer smuggling ring when he learns that Liza is good friends with Johnathan Harper, a computer salesman and exporter, and she plans to invest in his business. Cody apprehends Liza and Harper, but not before Harper’s men – Peter, Paul & Luke – try to rub out Cody.
With some quick help from June Khnockers, the stock car driver, she and Cody manage to lose the hired muscle in the desert.

The film ends with Cody throwing a party on his boat – named the “Malibu Express” by the way — to celebrate a job well done. He is accompanied by all the other major players, the various women he plowed and even Liza. Cody then tells them that Contessa wrote him a letter explaining to him that Sean was the person selling the computers to the smugglers and that she was the one who murdered him. She then planted evidence to frame Liza and even wore a mask to look like Liza when she did it. While Cody was perusing Sean’s killer, Contessa would be able to freely escape the country and no one would be the wiser that his death was an assassination.
The problem with this explanation is that Cody just told everyone, so all the cloak and dagger was for nothing. I assume what happens next is that the party turns into a giant boat orgy. The End.
THE VERDICT
“Malibu Express” isn’t one of Andy’s best. I attribute this to it being the first he both wrote and directed. It seems like he didn’t know if he wanted to make a spy movie, a murder mystery, a sex comedy or rip off “Smokey & the Bandit”. The action falls flat, as does the comedy and most of the plot. There are so many characters involved that it’s easy to forget who is doing what or why I should even care. The film starts with the notion that Soviet Russians are stealing computer secrets and by the end of the film the Russians have been brought up once, maybe. Not to mention the terrible ending where everything literally needs to be explained to the audience. In the medium of cinema, you mustn’t tell the audience what happened. You have to show them.
There is also a strange amount of jokes made at the expense of homosexuals. And not just characters in the film, but homosexuals in general. Not sure why these jokes were an important to the film but they stood out like a sore thumb.
The only thing that works in this movie, I’m sorry to say, are the topless women. Who am I kidding, I’m not sorry. These women are amazing!
The Playmates and the porn-stars in “Malibu Express” were all filmed during a time when breast implants weren’t yet popular, like they became in the ’90s, and before the terrible fashion sense of the later ’80s had taken hold. To compare these women to those of  the “Friday the 13th” franchise, they most resemble the women from the first four films. Happy-go-lucky, naturally cute, girl next good types. Where in the later “Friday” films the women were all big hair, terrible fashion and became generic unlikeable character types.
These women all had a great attitude and were not only fun to watch, but they seemed like they were having fun during the making of the film. Especially Lynda Wiesmeier, aka June Khnockers.
So in the end, we all learned that Andy Sidaris likes to make action movies that are teeming with titties and I learned, that I like that… If you’re interested in other boobie-action movies, check out my review of “The Lost Empire” by Jim Wynorski.
I’m Cory Carr and this concludes another trip on the “Action Movie Time Machine”. Until next time, Semper Fi Punk!
For more from Cory, check out his website slaughterfilm.com, where he and his good friend Forest Taylor record weekly podcasts, reviewing the films that are legendary, even in Hell!
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