Independence Day

July 4, 2016

Independence Day: Resurgence

Independence Day: Resurgence – Trash

 

Never has a movie pissed me off more. I mean wtf is going on here? Every element from 96’s ID4 is horrifically whored out like the little slut it apparently is. Listen I get ID4 is not perfect as some people make it out to be, but it was a good summer film that I thought was honestly pure fun. A sequel was never needed. But if it was to become a reality this is far from it. Resurgence is a mess it simply is a thrown together money grabber like Sony is doing with Ghostbusters. There is no reason for any of these films to be made but for greed little shits to make money. This new ID4.2 world is a overblown CG shit feast of a futuristic 2016 that does nothing but make me cringe the entire time.

This whole this is just sad. Everything about this is disgustingly sad.

Dylan Hiller (Hiller’s son) who is played as a complete douche by is back but in the place of his father. Will Smith didn’t want to come back and I fully understand why. The thing about him being thrown into his fathers role is that even though Dylan hasn’t done anything worthy, for some reason he gets to ride his fathers coattails and is placed on the same pedestal. What the hell has he done himself?! Oh and the fact that Will Smith dies during a Test-flight makes the hero Hiller more like a zero. It would of been better if he ate a bullet because he couldn’t take the fame and nightmares anymore. Or maybe because he saw this train wreck. Dylan Hiller is one annoying ass character.
Thor’s brother can’t lead a movie to save is life. He has no charisma. His acting is fine but the dude just can not hold a film on his own. His dialogue also makes him another annoying character in a already bloat annoying character film. Why this character is even here is a mystery to all. Thou he does make a lot of stupid faces which made the film a bit more enjoyable…a bit more.
Goldblum is back! He’s playing the same character as before, just for some reason seems to be a lot smarter now. I mean he was a smart dude before but in this movie he just guesses everything and it’s always completely right. There is like 5 times where everyone is like, “What is this…”. Goldblum just pops in with the right answer out of the blue. The writers did a poor job on this film. Goldblum being brought back was a way to make their job easier to explain and keep plot-holes from manifesting.

Bastards. Oh yeah

Goldblum’s dad is back, he does nothing but put a whole school bus of kids in danger of being brutally killed. Yep that’s it. Seriously watch the movie, he does nothing.

President Bill Pullman is back and…Makes another speech. You know it worked before, but this one is very forced, like rape. Plus his voice was all over the place I’m not sure what happened there and he takes a place of another character from the first ID4. (One that is already dead) Again he’s thrown in because its a sequel! So lets throw Vivica Fox in as well. Who is not a stripper anymore, she a doctor! Good for her and her douche son.
The ending is pretty much the same as the first one, killing the aliens and hugging in a desert. I must say this was one of the laziest movies I’ve seen in years. Guess what? The ending is setup for a sequel. Yep and boy will you be amazed with this ending.

All and all this movie did nothing. Really it is the direct to VHS blockbuster shit version of 96’s ID4. It was utter trash.

July 4, 2016

Ep. 71: Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice – Ultimate Edition – Movie Commentary: July 2016

Batman V Superman

 2016 | Superhero | 181 minutes

Today on this 4th of July we fight a 3hr war, one we thought we would lose. But we made it through all 3hrs of Zack Snyder’s poor choices to bring you another Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary. We’re sure you have better things to do today. Drink and Eating come to mind. But the time may come when you must watch that

Batman V Superman

Dawn of Justice

Ultimate Edition

Extended Cut

Collectors Edition

Movie Commentary

Christ that’s a mouthful. Then lets watch it together. A army of one. A uprising to be independent from unbelievable plot holes in a $250 million dollar movie. I mean it’s crazy to think these people are professionals and still somehow find work.

So remember young ones. You don’t need to jam 10 pounds of shit into a 5 pound bag. Fill up that first bag with all that needed shit and grab another 5 pound bag to finish stuffing that shit. Because having two bags of shit is okay, not one overstuffed bag of shit with plot holes throughout its 3hr run time is okay. Shit boys and girl, that just doesn’t fly!
 
February 23, 2016

The Simplistic Reviews 2016 Oscar Prediction Podcast (Ep. 65)

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY

You’ve heard from the experts…now hear from the madmen from Simplistic Reviews as they predict who will and who should win at the 2016 Oscars.  Don’t worry, the boys do their best to skate around the #OscarsSoWhite issue.  What, are you kidding?  They tackle it head on with enough irreverence that even Spike Lee flinch.  They also tackle other topics like R rated animation, Jennifer Lawrence on the precipise of being hated, and Harvey Fierstein…a lot of Harvey Fierstein.  All that and more on the Simplistic Reviews Oscar Prediction Podcast

NOTES
Harvey Fierstein in Independence Day
Morgan Freeman Car Accident

MUSIC
Hot Shot By Saun & Star
Across 110th Street By Bobby Womack
Strawberry Letter 23 By The Brothers Johnson

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December 23, 2015

The Simplistic Reviews Podcast (Ep. 60) December 2015

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

On this holiday episode of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast, Matthew’s Judeism is put to the test, Justin continues to try and make sense of the Prequels, DJ laments over Die Hard, and the boys have a hell of a time writing letters to Santa, spinning dreidels and breaking down the finale of Fargo.  All this and more on a Ho-Ho-Ho Holiday Show.


NOTES

Quentin vs Disney
Independence Day 2 Trailer
TMNT 2 Trailer
X-Men: Apocalypse Trailer

MUSIC
Die Hard Score By Michael Kamen
Couple Of Misfits By Burt Ives
Christmas Time Is Here By Vince Guaraldi Trio
Christmas In Hollis By Run D.M.C.
Ode To Joy By Ludwig van Beethoven

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