Movie Commentary

January 13, 2018

(Ep. 97): Fit To Kill – Movie Commentary: January 2018

Fit to Kill

R

1993 ‧ Thriller/Action ‧ 1h 34m

L.E.T.H.A.L. Agents Donna and Nicole, accompany and protect a wealthy Asian businessman and his rare diamond against a sinister international jewel thief.

Release: 1993
Director: Andy Sidaris
Screenplay: Andy Sidaris

There isn’t anything to say about this film except it is amazing!

Please…Stop whatever your doing and watch this film now!

Honestly this is one of the best we have ever watched on the Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary. It’s been awhile and we are glad to come back to the films by Andy Sidaris. What more could you ask for…

Girls!

Guns!

and 
G-Strings!

I mean clearly it has everything. And to top it off the movie has one hell of a Bond undertone. Just wait till that we get there. We once again tip our hat to you Mr. Sidaris… Thank you! 

P.S. Be on the lookout for a young Kenny Powers



December 23, 2017

(Ep. 96): Jack Frost 2 – Movie Commentary: December 2017

Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman

R

 2000 ‧ Slasher/Fantasy ‧ 1h 31m

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 Sam (Christopher Allport) is traumatized by his experience the previous Christmas, battling Jack Frost (Matt Falletta), a murderous snowman possessed by a serial killer. His wife, Anne (Eileen Seeley), thinks a trip to the tropics will get his mind off the snow, so they pack their bags and head to a resort on an island in the Pacific. Meanwhile, the FBI accidentally resurrects Jack’s remains during an experiment. Jack heads to the island, covers it in snow and embarks on another rampage.

Initial release: November 21, 2000

Director: Michael Cooney
Music composed by: Chris Anderson
Screenplay: Michael Cooney
Well to finish off our Holiday Movie Commentaries we decided to dive into Jack Frost 2. There is much to say but watch the first Jack Frost and stop. Jack Frost 2 is not a good bad movie but a bad movie. They forgot the good this time around. So stay warm by that fire place and remember not to eat the yellow snow!
Happy Hanukkah
Merry Christmas
Happy Festivus
Happy New Year
and from us all at Simplistic Reviews thank you for listening and reading! We have big things planned this year we think you will enjoy!
 See you next year… 

December 17, 2017

(Ep. 95): Elves – Movie Commentary: December 2017

Elves

R

1989 ‧ Drama/Horror ‧ 1h 29m

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A department-store Santa Claus (Dan Haggerty) discovers a Neo-Nazi plot to mate a nice girl (Julie Austin) with an elf in Colorado.

Release date:  October 24, 1989
Director: Jeffrey Mandel
Screenplay: Jeffrey Mandel
Music composed by: Vladimir Horunzhy

That time of the year is back when the gang sits around and watches nothing but terrible holiday themed movies.

Today is not only our first appearance of Dan Haggerty here at Simplistic Reviews but also a ending for a movie that flabbergasted DJ. I suppose this would already be enough for a Movie Commentary but nope…that’s not all. We also have a homeless department store Santa investigating a modern-day Neo-Nazi plot to finally bring about the master race that Hitler had always dreamed of.

Instead of a race of pure-blood Aryans, it is revealed that Hitler dreamed of a race of half-human/half-elf hybrids.

Yep… what a movie everyone. So grab that egg nog and sit back, things are about to get weird.

Merry Christmas!

P.S. Enjoy the Elves because next week is a cold one set on a tropical island. Try not to question it.

   

October 30, 2017

(Ep. 93): Killer Klowns from Outer Space – Movie Commentary: October 2017

Killer Klowns from Outer Space

PG-13  1988 ‧ Science fiction film/Cult film ‧ 1h 28m

When teenagers Mike (Grant Cramer) and Debbie (Suzanne Snyder) see a comet crash outside their sleepy small town, they investigate and discover a pack of murderous aliens who look very much like circus clowns. They try to warn the local authorities, but everyone assumes their story is a prank. Meanwhile, the clowns set about harvesting and eating as many people as they can. It’s not until they kidnap Debbie that Mike decides it’s up to him to stop the clowns’ bloody rampage.
Release date: May 20, 1988 (USA)

What could be better then watching some Killer Klowns this Halloween!? Well with the Simplistic Reviews crew! Join us as we watch a movie that was made to be wacky and goof, yet its still better then half the shit that comes out today! So grab that frankenberry! Pour some of that Halloween themed choice of beer because… this Movie Commentary is gonna scare your socks off!


August 3, 2017

(Ep. 89): Gymkata – Movie Commentary: August 2017

Gymkata
1985 ‧ R Action/Action/Adventure ‧ 1h 30m

It’s that time of the year again, August. The month we all hated as it was the end of our summer vacation and the beginning of back to school. So a little treat is needed and what could be better then Olympic gymnast Kurt Thomas, who combines his gymnastic ability with martial arts to enter a deadly competition? I’m going to guess NOTHING!. Thomas has a few awards under his leotards. In 1985 he earned the big nomination for a Razzie Award as Worst New Star. Wow nothing but the best for you here at Simplistic Reviews. 

“Watching Gymkata is a roundhouse kick of pure American action!” – Justin

So are you ready? Cue up your copy, sit back and be in awe over how a movie like this could even exist. Thank you movie gods!

April 20, 2017

(Ep. 85): Deadly Prey – Movie Commentary: April 2017

Deadly Prey

1987Drama/Action 1h 28m
 
 In Vietnam, he was the best… He still is! 

You’ve requested it, We watched it!

Deadly Prey is a fun film no doubt about that, might not be great film but boy is this a stupid fun time of a watch. So put on those short shorts, grab a duby and lets do some killing!
 Colonel Hogan is a ruthless former military officer who trains a large group of former U.S. Servicemen as mercenaries by having them hunt down and kill people they abduct off the streets of Los Angeles. Hogan’s greedy financier Michaelson threatens Hogan to speed up the men’s training or he will pull the plug on Hogan’s training camp. However, Hogan and his men meet their match when their latest kidnap victim turns out to be a tough gung-ho marine named Mike Danton who despite being unarmed and hunted, he manages to decimate Hogan’s men in detail. Frustrated Hogan, his tough right-hand man Thornton and personal assistant Sybil kidnap Danton’s wife Jaimy to force him in the open, while Jaimy’s retired police detective father tries to track down her and Danton who finds an unlikely ally in the form of a former marine buddy named Cooper who wants to help him take on all of Hogan’s men. (IMDB

Simply Drinking: Take a drink of your favorite alcoholic beverage every time someone sneaks up on another person.

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February 1, 2017

(Ep. 82): Savage Beach – Movie Commentary: January 2017

1989 | Action | 92 min 

Ready for a trip to Savage Beach?
Come and enjoy beautiful our water
Wine and dine with at the island’s number 1 restaurant. 
And come see the last of what the 80’s have to offer in Andy Sidaris’…
 

Savage Beach 


Ladies and Gentlemen WE ARE BACK!
THE WOMEN!
THE GUNS!
THE OVER THE TOP CRAZIEST ACTION SCENES!
Ah… 2017 is going to be a good year! All new 90’s Andy Sidaris’ Films to watch. Honestly what more could you want?!
Shit…I just remembered…the 90’s sucked and the world is in turmoil. Oh well let’s enjoy what we have left then.
Drug agents Donna (Dona Speir) and Taryn (Hope Marie Carlton) crash-land on a remote island, rumored to have a gold treasure. Treasure isn’t the only thing on this island, war-gold seekers searching for their gold will do anything for riches.
Initial release: 1989
Director: Andy Sidaris
Screenplay: Andy Sidaris
Music composed by: Gary Stockdale

 

December 25, 2016

(Ep. 80): Silent Night, Deadly Night: Part 2 – Movie Commentary: December 2016

Merry Christmas! From Simplistic Reviews

Silent Night, Deadly Night: Part 2

1987R‧ Drama/Slasher1h 28min

Trailer 
 

The sequel picks up on Christmas Eve some years after the first movie, with Ricky Caldwell, the 18-year-old brother of the first film’s killer, now being held in a mental hospital, awaiting trial for a series of murders that he committed. While being interviewed by the psychiatrist Dr. Henry Bloom, Ricky tells the story of the murders his brother Billy committed throughout a series of several flashbacks using footage from the original film. These flashbacks have new shots to make Ricky appear in more of Billy’s original story.

To say Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 is a good movie is an understatement. Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 is the greatest movie ever! Come on this is a fun movie to watch. You really have to give it to the team for making a 1hr 30min movie off a 30 page script. Yes I’m somewhat joking, but let’s be honest this movie is freaking fun to watch. Every year people watch A Christmas Story or Christmas Vacation for Christmas but I watch Silent Night, Deadly Night 1 and 2. A Christmas Slasher is always a good time.

So this Christmas grab that eggnog and a bowl of that chocolate covered popcorn. Sit down next to that warm fire and lets watch Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2!

December 20, 2016

CUTTING ROOM FLOOR – From Podcast Ep. 79

A little snipped from Podcast Ep. 79 ends up on the CUTTING ROOM FLOOR!
Topic “Suicide Squad False Start
AKA This movie isn’t worth our time

Podcast 79 

Suicide Squad – Extended Cut

2 hours, 14 minutes

Seriously? Yes I don’t know why but we did another WB extended-we-don’t-give-you-the-full-movie-the-first-time-cut.

What to say about a poorly made film. I mean a 8 year old with iMovie could do a better editing job.

And I feel bad for bringing the 8 year old this luckluster piece of crap.

DJ says it the best. “This is the biggest disappointment of the year”.

So we know you really do not want to watch this film again but hell we gave it a try. So this Sunday Funday Movie Night lets give it a GO!

All Board the WB shitliner one more time!
This time the
S. S. We fooled you again…HAHAHA (Shitty Joker laugh)
Don’t worry, this time we have Ted Lange as Your Bartender
December 11, 2016

(Ep. 79): Suicide Squad – Extended Cut – Movie Commentary: December 2016

Suicide Squad – Extended Cut

2 hours, 14 minutes

Seriously? Yes I don’t know why but we did another WB extended-we-don’t-give-you-the-full-movie-the-first-time-cut.

What to say about a poorly made film. I mean a 8 year old with iMovie could do a better editing job.

And I feel bad for bringing the 8 year old this luckluster piece of crap.

DJ says it the best. “This is the biggest disappointment of the year”.

So we know you really do not want to watch this film again but hell we gave it a try. So this Sunday Funday Movie Night lets give it a GO!

All Board the WB shitliner one more time!
This time the
S. S. We fooled you again…HAHAHA (Shitty Joker laugh)
Don’t worry, this time we have Ted Lange as Your Bartender!  
Suicide Squad
It feels good to be bad…Assemble a team of the world’s most dangerous, incarcerated Super Villains, provide them with the most powerful arsenal at the government’s disposal, and send them off on a mission to defeat an enigmatic, insuperable entity. U.S. intelligence officer Amanda Waller has determined only a secretly convened group of disparate, despicable individuals with next to nothing to lose will do. However, once they realize they weren’t picked to succeed but chosen for their patent culpability when they inevitably fail, will the Suicide Squad resolve to die trying, or decide it’s every man for himself?

A secret government agency, led by the ruthless, high-ranking official Amanda Waller, recruits some of the most dangerous, incarcerated villains on the planet to execute dangerous black ops missions and save the world from a potentially apocalyptic threat from a mysterious, supernatural entity. If anything goes wrong on this mission, the government will not be liable but rather can place the blame on the villains, who are inherently evil people. A small bomb is implanted in each member of the squad’s neck with the capability of detonating any time one of the members tries to rebel or escape. It will be up to this assembled team of villains to prevail over the seemingly impossible events that will unfold before them, in what many deem to be a “suicide mission”.

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