MTV

March 23, 2013

Spring Breakers

Spring Breakers – Guilty

Every once in a while, a film comes around that changes your life.  A film that you’ll tell your kids and grand-kids that ushered in a new wave of cinema.  A film that will be a landmark moment where all film-goers collectively get out of their seats, and initiate “the slow clap.”  A film that will be broken down in film schools across the world and film historians will bring up in conversations with the likes of “American Beauty”, “Casablanca”, and “8 1/2.”  Well, this isn’t this film, not even close, but despite what a lot of people have said, and are saying, “Spring Breakers” might not be pretty, but it just might be the biggest guilty pleasure film in recent memory.

“Breakers” can be lumped into two categories; it’s either a soft-core porn that is cashing in on the popularity of “Disney girls” who are trying to break free of their kiddie-image, but they are being exploited just as bad, if not worse.  Or, you can look at it as a caricature of Spring Break culture that you might have seen on MTV back in the early 1990s, and an expose on small town life versus “the real world.”  I promise, I will not dig that deep into this movie, because if you go into “Breakers” looking for deep meaning or a reason why the movie was made you are going to miss out on a film that is super fun, super awesome, and super stupid, but stupid in that way that you might have said back in the 1990s, ie, STUPID FRESH!

In case you haven’t heard, the plot is simple.  Four friends, Candy, Cotty, Brit, and Faith, don’t have enough money to go to Spring Break in Tampa/St. Pete, Florida so they do what any rational young college student would do; rob a restaurant to finance their trip.  After their successful robbery, the four girls head to Spring Break for the time of their lives, that is until they’re arrested and the party is over, or is it?  Bailed out of jail by a small-time gangster named Alien, played by James Franco in probably his most memorable role to date, things go from bad to worse for the four friends as they leave behind their dreams of the best Spring Break ever, and it turns into a nightmare…..or does it?

Part of the fun of “Breakers” is not knowing fully what the film is about.  Yes, at heart, it’s a skin flick that shows PLENTY of boobs, close up shots of crotchal areas, and any parent’s nightmare of what their precious little boys and girls are doing in vacation resorts around the country from late March to April.  Yes parents, your kids are probably having unprotected sex all over the place, while doing funnels of Natty Light, after doing coke off a townie’s ass.  C’mon, we’ve all been there before.

A few things surprised me about “Breakers” besides the fact that I truly enjoyed it, almost too much in fact.  Say what you will about Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens; but they can act.  Yes, I said it, they can act.  I was almost surprised at how down and dirty they got, especially Hudgens, who gives the 2nd best performance in the film, but that best performance goes to Franco, who creates a character that is part Tony Montana, part Saul from “Pineapple Express,” and part rapper Paul Wall.  His creation of Alien is in fact other worldly, and his “Look at my shit!” and for lack of a better term, gun blowjob scene, are the highlights of the film. And like my co-reviewer said in his “OZ” review, Franco loves to mug for the camera, and he’s at his best in “Breakers” completely self-aware that he is in complete control of character.  Oh, by the way, for you wresting fans, your old pal Double J, Jeff Jarrett, makes a cameo as a Jesus freak.  Yes, that Jeff Jarrett.

This film is polarizing, and people are either going to love it or hate it, just like most of Harmony Korine’s films.  Let me put it this way, if you’ve seen “Kids” and “Gummo” and you hated them, save yourself  the money or just be lame and watch “The Croods” or “Tyler Perry’s: Temptation.”

“Spring Breakers”…….”Spring Breakers” forever………

Fun Fact:  Jeff Jarrett, while wrestling for the WWE, was a six-time Intercontinental Champion, a record at the time, which was broken in 2004.

August 17, 2012

Freddy Got Fingered

Freddy Got Fingered – Surreal
In the magical land of Canada there is a man who sucks cows’ nipples, torments complete strangers, and treats his friends like winners.  That man is Tom Green.  Back in the late 90s, MTV took a liking to this strange young man and gave him his own weekly show and soon enough old Greeny went Hollywood and birthed from his loins came “Freddy Got Fingered.”
A lot has been said about “Fingered” over the years; how awful, vile, deplorable, sick, the accolades can go on and on, but I have to say, without Tom Green and this oft-kilter comedy (I say it’s more performance art then actual comedy) you wouldn’t have your “Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job” or “Workaholics” comedies that really pushes the limits of taste, and what we can take.

Aside from skateboarding and other post-adolescent hijinks, this comic gem includes deer carcass wearing, horse penis wiggling, compound leg fracture licking, a sadomasochist wheelchair bound rocket scientist, and of course my favorite, baby umbilical cord swinging.  If that isn’t performance art, I really don’t know what you’d call it.

Outside of all the wacky antics, there is one performance that really stands out, and that is Rip Torn’s.  With all the fucked up stuff going on in “Fingered” you forget its really the story of a son just trying to gain his father’s trust by spraying him with elephant cum.

Heartwarming, and definitely fun for the entire family, “finger” it out and go check out “Freddy Got Fingered” you won’t regret what you’ll see.

Fun Fact:  The scene where Freddy is watching TV in his house are actual scenes from Tom Green’s surgery for Testicular Cancer

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