Shia LaBeouf

June 6, 2015

The Simplistic Reviews Podcast (Ep. 49): June 2015

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

This is it! The penultimate episode before 50th episode extravaganza!

You’ll swoon for June as the boys discover that there is no safe joke to be made about Caitlyn Jenner.  They instead decide to tackle stories such as a Big Trouble In Little China reboot, a Jack Bauer spinoff, and a James Bond free for all on Simplistic Showcase.  Justin and DJ later pay off a debt and discuss the 2014 horror anomaly that is Ouija.  A conversation that introduces not one, not two, but three new characters.  There is also the introduction of an old game played in a new way known as Simplistic Password.  And The ongoing mystery between the boys and Julie reaches its climax.
Oh and Shia Labeouf closes out the show.
All this and more on a highly questionable, slightly offensive, Smokey and the Bandit themed episode of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast.
October 2, 2014

The Simplistic Reviews Podcast (Ep. 31) October 2014

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY

As fall descends across the land, the Simplistic Reviews Podcast is the funk of 40,000 years. In this month’s edition, the boys spring forward and fall back to poking fun at Shia LeBeouf’s childhood proclivities, Urban Dictionary’s more interesting entries, and Jeremy Renner’s lackadaisical attitude toward his career. All while still having time to pay a little John Singleton penance.

As you might remember, Justin and Matt were unlucky enough to lose a game of Simply Quotable a couple of month’s back and had to watch the 2001 hood classic, Baby Boy. To make a long story short, there is dick sniffing, Snoop Dogg shooting, and men-inside-giant-wombs talk.

The boys also tackle the news Bob Barker style in a new segment called Simplistic Showcase. There is big money, big prizes, and a variety of obscenities.

All of this, plus our take on Fox’s Gotham, how Boardwalk Empire is doing so far, and soooooooo much more, on this month’s Simplistic Reviews Podcast for October.

Show Notes:
Blumpkin
Tetris Movie
Charlie Countryman
Baby Boy got the sniffles
Inherent Vice
DJ’s Hidden Princess Bride Reference
Matt’s Hidden Big Lebowski Reference
Slaughter Film Action Movie Time Machine

Music Notes:
Birds & Brass By Sort Of Soul
Lawyers, Guns, And Money By Warren Zevon
Game of Thrones Theme Remix
White Lines By Grandmaster Flash and Melle Mel
My Flows is Tight By Lord Digga
Pure Imagination By Gene Wilder

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January 27, 2014

The Simplistic Reviews Podcast: January 2014 Edition

Welcome to 2014!  It might be a new year, but we can guarantee that the boys will still be as juvenile as ever.  In the first full podcast of the year, the gang has some fun with words as Matt takes on “Word Association.”  From Shia LeBouf to the latest Warner Bros/DC calamity. No one is safe.

Neal also regales the gang with his adventures with rednecks at his local Monster Truck Show, and Justin mistakenly believes Shaquille O’Neal starred in “Hanging With Mr. Cooper.”

This is just a taste of what you’re getting into with this month’s Simplistic Review Podcast.

 Show Notes:
Most Anticipated Films of 2014
Hanging With Mr. Cooper
GraveDigger
Son-UVA Digger
Bobby Digital

Music Notes:
Birds & Brass By Sort Of Soul
I Dream Of Jeanie (Remix)
Lawyers, Guns, And Money By Warren Zevon
The Best By Tina Turner 

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY.
Click HERE to listen to podcast

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December 24, 2012

Crappy Holidays: Lawless

FORGETTABLE

Seven minutes into watching Lawless, I knew how I’d feel about it by the end.  I could see my final thoughts bearing down on me like the subway train light did to Neo in The Matrix.  The story would get boring halfway through.  Tom Hardy would be awesome, but underutilized.  And Shia Labeouf would be less annoying, but still forced down our throats.  Suffice to say, I hate being right.  Lawless suffers from one of the big no-nos a film can have.  You can make a good movie or even a terrible one.   However, you never make it be FORGETTABLE.  Be honest and tell me you didn’t say to yourself when seeing the headline for this review “Oh yeah, Shia LaBeouf did do a gangster film with Tom Hardy.”  Those of you that didn’t probably never heard of the film at all. 

Why is Lawless so FORGETTABLE?  Well, from the beginning, it leads us to believe we’ll be learning a lot about the interesting art of bootlegging OR that we’ll witness an epic confrontation between the crooked law and an infamous family.  However, it speeds past the bootlegging information in about thirty seconds while drawing out this epic confrontation FOR…EV…ER!  The pacing of Lawless is the only crime I witnessed.  Whenever it looks like you’re about to get into the wheelhouse of the film, it delays you with a contrived double love story or just plain boring build up.  It hides the good moments from us while sticking us with moments we don’t care about.  We see a man get his feet washed in church while drunk off of moonshine for three minutes.  But there’s a castration…off camera.  Gangster films aren’t supposed to hide the brutal moments from you.  Those moments make it memorable.  You remember the chainsaw scene in Scarface.  You remember the horse head in The Godfather.  The baseball bats in Casino.  Lawless drowns us in snail like pacing between its few memorable moments, and when we get there, it doesn’t allow us to fully see them.    

It is a real shame this film is so lifeless because there truly is another terrific performance by Tom Hardy here.  The man is poised to be the next great Hollywood star, yet people will have missed probably half of the amazing performances he’s done.  Like Bronson, or The Take or RocknRolla or this.  The only person in Lawless that holds his own with him in the acting department is Guy Pearce.  Pearce plays slithery lawman Charles Rakes in a way only a certain few could pull off.  The brief…and I mean brief…badass scenes he and Hardy have together shakes you out of the slumber caused by the film’s slow pacing.  It is also good to see crazed Gary Oldman again.  His run as Jim Gordan has caused people to forget how awesomely nuts he can be.  But those guys collectively play second fiddle to the elephant in the room, Shia Labeouf.  Does Shia annoy you in this?  Yes.  Does Shia whine in this?  Yes.  Does Shia overact to cover his inability to act in this.  Yes.  However, compared to his previous work in a robotic trilogy that will remain nameless, it isn’t unbearable.  He would have been better as a costar in Lawless instead of the star.  I’d rather follow Tom Hardy’s more interesting Forrest than be force-fed Shia’s cliched Jack. 

If you want to see a compelling true story about prohibition, watch Boardwalk Empire.  If you want to see an actually decent Shia LaBeouf performance, watch Disturbia.  If you don’t have HBO, don’t own Disturbia, but are at least having trouble sleeping, watch Lawless.  In the lexicon of gangster films, it falls short enough for me to name ten others better than it off the top of my head.  Godfather 1, Godfather 2, Goodfellas, Casino, Miller’s Crossing, The Untouchables, Sexy Beast, The Departed, Carlito’s Way, Scarface.  See?  Compared to any of those Lawless is easily FORGETTABLE.  Take some Nodoz…watch it…try to remember you saw it after…then tell me I’m wrong.

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