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September 3, 2017

(Ep. 90): SR Podcast – September 2017


Hello friends and soon-to-be enemies!  Since its Labor Day Weekend, the gang at Simplistic Reviews thought it would be a great time to get back to work.  But it wasn’t all fun and games on our Summer break.  The fellas got a brand new studio…a brand new intern…and brand new ideas to pollute your brain with…like a sitcom about Hitler and Eva Braun or the craziest idea for a Bridesmaids sequel you’ll ever hear.  In between that Matt, Justin, and DJ tackle some of the topics they missed and prepare for nuclear winter from either North Korea or our own government while staving off ignored but still rampant national racism; institutional or otherwise…FUN FUN FUN!  But mainly they use obscenities to take out everything from The Dark Tower, to a Joker stand alone film, to Brett Ratner.  All this and more on an Always Sunny episode of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast.

0:00:00 Opening Skit
0:03:50 Show Monologue
0:8:43 Simplistic Showcase
0:36:55 TV Round Up
1:05:34 Kill F%$k Marry
1:32:21 Closing Skit

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October 15, 2015

The Horror Time Capsule – 1993: Body Bags


91 mins | Horror/Sci-Fi anthology | 1993

HBO had Tales from the Crypt, Showtime had nothing. But that all changed on August 8th 1993, Body Bags an anthology TV movie aired on Showtime…and that was it.

A star studded of a cast came together to make an extremely un-filling 91 minutes. Tales from the Crypt had the Crypt Keeper hosting its episodes, Body Bags had “The Coroner” played fantastically by the great John Carpenter. Yes I know I’m comparing apples and oranges, TV show with TV movie but clearly this is what Showtime had in mind. They had the power to do something unique but instead came up short.

The three best things are John Carpenter playing The Coroner, who is the most entertaining piece in this puzzle of a film. The second is the first story, “The Gas Station” which is a solid story that sets you up to be disappointed. The third is the cast, a balls to the wall of this guy and that comes up short. I liked this cast alot. It’s a shame they didn’t make more, it would of been fun to see where it goes with others making special appearances.

“The Morgue”
John Carpenter as The Coroner
Tom Arnold as Morgue Worker #1
Tobe Hooper as Morgue Worker #2

Is the glue that holds everything together. The Coroner is the Crypt Keeper here hosting the stories in a flat out entertaining performance by John Carpenter.

“The Gas Station”
Robert Carradine as Bill
Alex Datcher as Anne
Wes Craven as Pasty Faced Man
Sam Raimi as Dead Bill
David Naughton as Pete
Lucy Boryer as Peggy
George Buck Flower as Stranger
Molly Cheek as Divorcee
Only story that makes me feel like I didn’t waste my time. The others aren’t horrible but the this one just works. It’s a simple slasher, which paired with guests set the bar way too high. Seeing the likes of Craven, Raimi and Carradine peeked my interest. But I guess its just too good for this film, because sadly the others don’t come any close to “The Gas Station”.

Stacy Keach as Richard Coberts
David Warner as Dr. Lock
Sheena Easton as Megan
Dan Blom as Dennis
Gregory Nicotero as Man with Beautiful Hair
Kim Alexis as Woman with Beautiful Hair
Deborah Harry as The Nurse

Stacy Keach plays a guy who isn’t happy with his thinning hair. Sheena Easton says no and she loves him anyway. But it’s just too depressing 🙁 …He tries a few comical treatments but nothing helps. I’m pretty sure this whole story was suppose to be the funny one then again it was the 90’s. And let me say its very 90’s, very very 90’s.

He see a commercial and decides to try it. “Dr. Lock” played by David Warner (Titanic, Tron, The Omen) is the doc that can help. He asks Stacy what kind of hair he’d like using a 90’s computer generated program, you know how that looks without me saying anymore. Keach picks the Stallion. Yep it is its name, long black hair (see picture). And the whole things was done over night, without surgery! Sounds to good to be true hun? Well it is… And when you find out why, it feels like a copout. When its revealed I could hear myself say, “Really?!” I didn’t care much for it but I did like it more then the “Eye”. “Hair” was so bad yet I honestly think I liked this story about a guys hair more then the guy and his eye.

Mark Hamill as Brent Matthews
Twiggy as Cathy Matthews
John Agar as Dr. Lang
Roger Corman as Dr. Bregman
Charles Napier as Baseball Team Manager
Eddie Velez as Baseball Player

Were “Hair” was about hair I bet you can’t figure out what “Eye” is about?…NOPE

Your wrong it is about…

A eye. Let that settle in a bit. We have a film that is made up of three stories. Two are about something on your body. Not much to pick from apparently. “The Gas Station” stands out for its pacing and the fact its different then the others. “Hair” and “Eye” are about two guys getting transplants. And its goes wrong, like it feels like they didn’t try. “The Gas Station” isn’t a perfect film, but the “Eye” and “Hair” come off like they ran out of ideas and gave it to their 8 year old son to write. When you have three films it should feel like three and not two.

“Eye” is about a baseball player with an annoying accent. His wife played by Twiggy losses her American accent a few times and that too becomes annoying. Mark Hamill here is somewhat a joy to watch. The thing is he has always been but here I feel he was wasted. When he gets into a bad car accident in which his right eye is destroyed. He ends up losing it but receives one from a donor. The donor ends up being a serial killer who killed woman and had sex with them. This eye begins to take over the good old southern wholesome baseball player who was making his way to the top.

And thats it. Still feel hungry for more don’t you? Yeah thats how I felt.

“The Gas Station” = Solid

“Hair” = Short

Should of been left out. Or give us more. I didn’t mind the story but there could of been more, the story came up short for me on creativity.

“Eye” = Weak

Like the “Hair” I think it should of been left out. What would of been cool if they connected it to “The Gas Station” and its serial killer. Maybe that was his eye, sure it sounds like Im doing a copout but at least it’s something.

Because what we got in the end was very un-filling.

Kinda felt this way after the film but The Gas Station saved me

January 25, 2013

Simplistic TV Holiday Hangover: House of Lies

House of Lies – Deceiving

Slowly but surely, Showtime is catching up to it’s big brother, HBO, with some of the best programming since “The Red Shoe Diaries.”  I kid, I kid!  Jokes aside, between “Dexter,” “Homeland,” and “Shameless” the network that tells you to “Hold on Tight” is showing a pulse when it comes to funny, subversive comedy, and intriguing, dramatic work.  But what happens when you take a good idea, in theory, add a great cast around it, and try and make it your replacement for “Weeds?” Well, you get “House of Lies,” a breezy dramedy series made of pure fluff…..or is it, deceiving you?

This isn’t to say that I don’t enjoy fluff and hijinks;  I thoroughly enjoy the fluff of “Parks and Recreation,” and the madcap insanity of “Curb Your Enthusiasm.”  What you get with “Lies” is a group of Managing Consultants from Galweather & Stearn, based in Los Angeles,  led by the sociopath/corporate headhunter, Marty Kaan, played brilliantly by Don Cheadle. (who earned a well-deserved Golden Globe this year)  Kaan (get it) is the Polaroid of the modern American working professional; failed marriage, single father, a compulsive sexual appetite, especially for his equally damaged ex-wife, and some serious mommy issues.  However, when its time for Marty and his team to put their game-faces on, they never fail.  Well, they fail until their figure out a way to win, which is the ongoing theme of “Lies.”

To put it in perspective,think “Entourage” having relations with “Californication” and “Weeds” deciding to pull their pants down and join the party as well.  What I enjoy about “Lies” is the banter between Marty’s team, or his “Pod,” which includes Kristen Bell in probably her best work since “Veronica Mars” and Ben Schwartz, who you might know as Jean-Ralphio from the aforementioned “Parks.” The young cast is perfectly anchored by Cheadle who is excellent in everything, but you really get to see him show a darker, and very much damaged, side to his acting.  If there’s any reason to watch the show it’s to show his deceiving nature destroy his enemies but nevertheless have him get caught in the crossfire as well.  While the show started out breezy enough, as the first season progressed it started plunging into darkness, and while there are still a few zingers that will tickle your ribs, you also have a pit in your stomach and think to yourself?  Am I supposed to be rooting for these characters, or wagging our fingers at them and saying, “See, that’s what you get.”

Another gimmick of the show, but it still works pretty well, is Marty breaking the 4th wall.  One of my favorite comic book characters is Deadpool.  One of his actual powers IS breaking the 4th wall.  But in reference to Marty, its usually a way to move the story along and remove any doubt from the viewers’ mind what exactly is going through HIS mind.  It’s effective one two fronts; 1) Marty knows he is the smartest guy in the room and feels he controls his team, but you’ll notice that he is only totally in control when he is in his comfort zone; his work. 2)  Sometimes the situations of the show do get a little convoluted so it does help to have someone quarterback you through the situation, and who better than a slimy Management Consultant.  What could be said negatively about these scenes is that the show is not allowing the audience to put the pieces together themselves and treating them with kid gloves, which might come of as insulting to some viewers.

Overall, “House of Lies” is a fun show in the vein of “Entourage” minus the big time celebrities, the best you’re going to get is Cat Deeley, for all you SYTYCD fans out there. (if you have to ask what it means, well, you’re probably better off)  With a definite lack of comedy on HBO, this might be Showtime’s foothold to take some audience away from them, unless you like “Girls,” and if that’s the case you should really ask yourself, “Why?”

Fun Fact:  According to in 2013, McKinsey & Company was ranked as the number Management Consulting firm in the world.  Oddly enough, the number one Consulting firm in “Lies” is called “Kinsley.” Close enough.

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