Spider-Man

December 4, 2017

(Ep. 94) SR Podcast – December 2017

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

 On this early holiday addition of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys discuss all the Hollywood news they missed while on Thanksgiving break during an edition of Can You Dig It. They also review everything from The Punisher to Vice Principals during TV Roundup. They even get to try out some new impressions during the game Simply Quotable…and all this is bookended by Justin’s attempt to cancel a gift basket he bought from Costco…yes really. All that, a new trailer spoof, and some underhanded shots at Matt Lauer on this Season’s Greetings episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.

NOTES
Vince McMahon Buys WCW

March 30, 2017

Know Your Spidey History: Homecoming and The Green Goblin’s Last Stand

We are right on the cusp of the Summer Movie Season and are being hit left and right with a barrage of studio tent-pole films. Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably seen the latest trailer for “Spider-Man: Homecoming.” We get to see more snarky Spidey, more Tony Stark, more Vulture, even a little tiny glimpse of Shocker. Sure, we get two villains in the same film, something that doomed “Spider-Man 3,” but you could argue other things killed that movie as well.

But one thing that intrigued me while I was digging around the Internet was something that I’m sure plenty of people know about, but I just thought it would be a good idea to bring it back into the public’s conscientiousness. 25 years ago we were treated to a little film called “The Green Goblin’s Last Stand,” and you might call it one of the first “fan films.” Sure, with the rise of social media, better equipment and the insatiable fandom that does with comic book characters, this is a pretty rough outing, but just check out the trailer below. You have J. Jonah Jameson, Mysterio, and even Bullseye. Who wouldn’t want to see a movie with Mysterio and Bullseye, especially back in 1992!

But, spoiler alert, the trailer isn’t a fair representation of the film, just to warn you,…

As time has gone on, we’ve seen the likes of “The Joker Diaries,” “Power/Rangers,” and numerous Batman related shorts, and in no way am I comparing this year’s “Homecoming” to the Troma-like quality of “Last Stand” but it’s compelling to see how far we’ve come in the history of Spider-Man and the evolution of quality in fan-made films. Click HERE for a great list of some of the best.

Am I excited to see “Homecoming?” Meh, of course I’ll see it, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to really get hyped for anymore comic book films. My saturation point has been reached. Every year, going back to”Iron Man” way back in 2008 (wow, nearly a decade at this point) we’ve seen at least two Marvel movies a year, and now that DC is in the mix, that ups the total, and if you throw in Fox properties like X-Men, and Marvel and DC shows on Netflix and Network TV…you see where I’m getting at…

Oh, I nearly forgot, if you haven’t seen the “Homecoming” trailer yet, click HERE and enjoy.

March 10, 2016

Trailer Hot Take: Captain America: Civil War (Final Trailer)

Matt again, with another Trailer Hot Take. I mean, in all honesty, we all know that “Captain America” Civil War” is going to be awesome. It’s going to be everything that “Age of Ultron” wasn’t. The expectations almost seem impossibly high this time, and while “Ultron” was just an appetizer, this is going to be the entree that all MCU fans have been waiting for. Let’s go to the pictures:

This is shortly after an explosion in the trailer in some sort of UN-style conference, and from the looks of it, this looks like T’Challa, aka, Black Panther, Prince of Wakanda was present.

Fancy underwater base? Check!
Cap is chasing T’Challa who is chasing Bucky. The CG is a little weak right now, but I’m sure they’ll fix this up before May
It’s always been said that Scarlet Witch is one of the most powerful MUTANTS, yes, I said mutants, not Miracles (screw that) and what she’s doing to Vision right here is downright dirty
Hawkeye lets loose a barrage of arrows, and look who’s riding one of the, our good friend Scott Lang!

It’s so awesome to see Crossbones in the MCU finally. Just a bad-ass character
AND HERE IS THE MONEY SHOT
 Hey everyone……
“Captain America: Civil War” swings into theaters May 5th
April 24, 2015

The Simplistic Reviews Podcast (Ep. 46): Late April 2015

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

You might be asking yourself, “What?! Another Simplistic Reviews Podcast?  You mean these guys are actually getting off of their ass and putting out content for the public to consume?”  Yes, it might sound crazy, but…..uh….yeah….another podcast….from us…..Simplistic Reviews.

As we get closer and closer to our grandest episode so far; Number 50, we look back at our lives and search for meaning, apparently that means we bring up Bill Cosby again, the fact that Iceman is now gay, Donatello is dead, and fantasize about Moira Quirk in that sexy referee outfit…mmmmmm…..

All this, and our newest segment, Simply Say Anything, where we hold a radio over our head and praise the likes of Lena Dunham, Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2, and explain why Quentin Tarantino is actually the worst director in modern cinema.  Have we lost our minds…..maybe….but we’re not telling, and you’ll just have to listen to this month’s SIMPLISTIC REVIEWS PODCAST!!!!  WHY AM I YELLING…IN PRINT?!?!?!


 SHOW NOTES
Moira Quirk
Spider-man Shortlist
Tarantino in Sleep With Me
Donny is Dead
Iceman Gay?
Mark Summers’ non-Double Dare accident

MUSIC NOTES
My Flows Is Tight By Lord Digga
We Gotta Get Out Of This Place By The Animals
Birds And Brass By Sort Of Soul
In Your Eyes By Peter Gabriel
Nickelodeon GUTS theme
Human Beings By Van Halen

Check us out on FacebookTwitterYouTubeLetterboxd, and Pinterest
February 17, 2015

The Simplistic Reviews Podcast (Ep. 38) Mid-February 2015

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY

On this mid-February edition of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys attempt to break the record for most obscenities and deplorable subject matter brought up while still staying under the guise of a film and television review program.  Jairo from the True Bromance Film Podcast stops by to help them accomplish their mission.  They discuss the Spidey-Pocalypse…they discuss Michael Jordan’s Hitler mustache….they disgrace anyone who watched 50 Shades of Grey…and they get all their frustrations out on Hollywood with one of their favorite games, Hey F*%khead.  All that and more on the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.  Seriously…take a shot whenever you hear an F-bomb. You’ll be in rehab around halfway through
SHOW NOTES

MUSIC NOTES
December 8, 2014

Slaughter Film Presents: Action Movie Time Machine – Spider-Man (1977)

SSLLOOWW


First, Reb Brown as Captain America, and now “The Amazing Spider-Man”. Don’t get your hopes up, there is no Emma Stone to be found here.
The year is 1977. A sensation known as “Star Wars” is storming the galaxy. The “Atari 2600” leaves “Pong” in the dust. The “Son of Sam” killer is captured and a young man from New York gets exposed to a radioactive spider in “The Amazing Spider-Man”.
THE SKINNY
The film begins, as you would expect, with college student and amateur photographer Peter Parker. One day while performing some experiment, a radioactive spider bites young Peter on the hand, and soon, he notices a change. He can climb walls and even has super human strength. Soon he invents himself a “web-slinger” device to, yadda yadda yadda. We all know the origin by now. Peter Parker becomes Spider-Man. Spider-Man saves some little old ladies and all of New York erupts into spider fever.

While this is happening, a Tony Robbins style guru named Edward Byron has been selecting prominent New Yorkers, bankers, lawyers and the like, from his life coach seminars to be his mind controlled puppets. Once under his control, Byron uses them to carry out bank robberies. To guarantee they don‘t lead the police back to him, he has them drive their get away car into the side of a building, killing themselves. 

Byron also uses these robberies/deaths as examples when he makes a fifty million dollar demand from the city. If his demand isn’t met, he will force ten citizens to kill themselves. How is he doing it? It’s a combination of hypnosis that takes place during his classes, making the subjects vulnerable. Later Byron transmits a radio signal that is picked up by a lapel pin receiver, given to them by Byron when they join the group.
Peter is assigned to photograph the remains of one of the car crash victims, Professor Noah Tyler. On location he meets Noah’s daughter, Judy Tyler, and a romance begins. As they get to know each other, Judy mentions to Peter that her father has been attending the classes of Byron. They even sit in during one of his classes. It isn’t overtly suspicious, but Peter still has his suspicions.

Things take a turn for Byron when Peter accidentally discovers how he has been transmitting the radio waves. Spider-Man follows the signal to it’s source, destroys the radio tower, apprehends Byron and saves the day for ten unlucky New Yorkers.

The film ends with Peter and Judy  walking off into the sunset together. The End.
THE VERDICT
Before I share my thoughts on “The Amazing Spider-Man”, I would like to cover a little Spider-Man television history.
This was the first live action Spider-Man with any substance. Before this there was an animated series in the late ‘60s and the occasional appearance on the children’s show “The Electric Company” during the early ‘70s.
This TV film was a “backdoor” pilot for the “Spider-Man” television show that lasted only thirteen episodes, stretched over two years. Critics, kids especially, complained that the show didn’t involve any established villains or storyline, and that the production values were lousy. Soon CBS thought they may soon be referred to as the “superhero station”, as it already had two successful series; “The Incredible Hulk” and “Wonder Woman”. In addition, they also aired two “Captain America” TV films, as well as a “Dr. Strange” TV film. Because of all this, CBS pulled the plug on “Spider-Man”.
While this was going on in the states, Toei, a Japanese production company, was producing a “Spider-Man” show of their own. We all know how things in Japan can get a little strange. Well, the Japanese “Spider-Man” is a motorcycle racer who gets his spider powers from a special suit that alters him genetically when he wears it. This ran for a total of forty-one episodes and came complete with giant robots and the hit song “Spider-Man Boogie”. That’s Japan for ya.
So, what do I think about “The Amazing Spider-Man”? It’s not very good. I find that my complains about the film are the same complaints fans had back in the ‘70s. There aren’t enough comic based characters and the special effects are cheap and unimpressive. Instead of Byron, the villain could easily have been The King Pin who employs some hypnotist lackey to carry out a similar plan. This could have been an easy way to shoehorn more Marvel Universe into the film.
Peter Parker never became comfortable in his spider skin. I miss the cocky, wise cracking Peter from the comics, cartoons and later films.

I understand there was no CGI in the ‘70s. Cheap special effects are something that I could otherwise overlook. Especially when they are forty years old. But, there is just SO MUCH of these effects. So much of the film is Spider-Man’s origin and him wall crawling. It makes the films drag on. “The Amazing Spider-Man” is an exorcise in patience. It has it’s charm, but it’s no wonder it was canceled after thirteen episodes.
I’m Cory Carr and this concludes another trip on the “Action Movie Time Machine”. Until next time, Semper Fi Punk!
For more from Cory, check out his website slaughterfilm.com, where he and his good friend Forest Taylor record weekly podcasts, reviewing the films that are legendary, even in Hell!

April 22, 2014

The Amazing Spider-Man 2

CLUTTERED

Okay look…The Avengers broke the internet man.  And what I mean by that is, their film changed the way comic book movies will be done forever…or at least the foreseeable future.  That is why The Amazing Spider-Man 2 is, at best, a CLUTTERED mess.  Almost as CLUTTERED as that god-awful poster above.   It’s a hippy who needs to cut their messy hair.  It’s a fat person who could be much healthier if they just cut down on the sweets.  It’s greedy for more when less would actually make it so much stronger.  All because The Avengers broke the internet.

Every money hungry studio (I could have just said studio and the meaning would still be the same) wants a shared universe franchise of their own.  On the surface, you’d think that’d spell doom for Sony, seeing as they only own Spider-Man.  Fortunately for them, Spider-Man has the most character rich universe in all of comics other than maybe Batman.  Unfortunately for them, all the patience in crafting and carefully cultivating those characters went out the window when the world saw Earth’s Mightiest Heroes save New York from the Chitauri on half a billion screens across the globe.  Sony and Fox and Warner Brothers don’t want to follow the same model Marvel Studios used because IT’S THEIR MONEY AND AND THEY NEED IT NOW!  This collective impatience is why Man of Steel 2 is now called Batman Vs. Superman Guest Starring Wonder Woman, Flash, and Dick Grayson.  It is why X-Men: Days Of Future Past has EVERY SINGLE X-MEN CHARACTER JAMMED INTO IT.  It’s why a collection of Spidey villains known as the Sinister Six are getting a film for a yet to be determined purpose.  And it’s why The Amazing Spider-Man 2 just feels like 10 pounds of plot in a 5 pound bag.

Think I’m being unfair to them?  Why?  It’s not like they don’t realize this.  They do.  They know they’re sacrificing story for what they think people want.  I know they know because Batman Vs Superman has already been delayed a year to give them just enough time to finish their over-stuffing.  Days Of Future Past cast then cut then put back in several big name stars just to keep their films stuffed. (Hello, Goodbye, Hello Rogue)  Hell, Divergent star Shailene Woodley won the role of Mary Jane for Amazing Spider-Man 2, shot scenes and then was cut out FOR GOOD.  This is on top of the fact that Spidey has to deal with THREE underdeveloped bad guys and a now restructured love story and a friendship with a supposed best friend that is dropped in our lap with all the ceremony and subtlety of a wet fart.  That screams CLUTTERED story to me.  And sad to say, that is exactly what this film gives you.  

Shut up and tell us exactly what the film is about already DJ!  Well, it’s about Peter Parker still assuming the mantle of New York’s friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.  It’s also about how Peter struggles to keep a promise to stay away from his on again off again girlfriend Gwen Stacy.  It’s also about Peter finally finding out the first film’s promised untold secret left by his parents.  It’s also about Peter reuniting with his NEVER BEFORE SEEN best friend Harry Osborn and the secrets behind the Osborn company.  It’s also about a slighted Spider-Man fanboy who gains a power that he believes will make him special.  See what I mean by cluttered?

The biggest complaint I had with the first Amazing Spider-Man was that it felt like a Spider-Man film seen through the eyes of someone who didn’t give a crap about Spider-Man, resulting in him crushing every ounce of heart the Spidey world should have in order to appeal to the more moody and overly cynical society we live in now.  This movie is not as bad as that.  Instead, it is a good film pulled in so many different and ultimately pointless directions that it becomes a thin waste of time.  Every moment I tried to give the film credit for something it did right, my praise would immediately be undermined by the film doing something stupid, convoluted, or gutless.  Example?  Not to get too spoilery but the final fate of a certain character winds up being extremely true to the comic book and a very ballsy move in this cinematic day and age.  Just when I’m about to applaud the testicular fortitude, the film rushes past the emotional impact of that fate with a sloppy time lapse and a hurried happy ending.  When you watch it you can almost hear the studio executive shouting “Uplifting ending damn it! So what if emotionally sad endings worked for Smaug and Catching Fire and even the first Spider-Man!  I need a happy ending!”

Now I don’t think Andrew Garfield is a bad actor.  I believe his moody/neurotic/goofy/douchey portrayal of Peter Parker in the first film falls more on bad direction.  Thankfully, his character comes off way more likable this time around.  His overall chemistry with Emma Stone, the first film’s one bright spot, was so good that the two became an item off screen.  That chemistry is still there.  Sally Field, one of our finest living actresses, FINALLY gets a scene to justify her casting.  Even Garfield’s rapport with new addition Dane DeHaan is pretty damn good.  As I watched all of these relationships, however, I got agitated from the fact that they were being rushed to make more room for action set pieces with inconsequential villains.

For all the criticism I lob at director Marc Webb, I can give him credit for one thing.  He really understands and utilizes all of Spider-Man’s powers.  His strength especially.  Webb does this even more so than Raimi did.  Webb loves to show off every ability Spidey has in the most jaw dropping ways possible.  The action set pieces, though pointless at times, are well designed and beautiful to look at.  I just wish they were placed in a better overall story.  Webb also deserves credit for trying to rectify the faults of the first film.  But again, it all comes down to the story he is trying to piece together.  All the cosmetics in the world can’t make a bloated pig pretty.

This year, we’ve already been fortunate enough to see one of the best comic book films ever made.  By comparison, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 is just not up to snuff.  Sure, it will make its money.  However, will it be remembered with some of the greats?  Not a chance.  Will it be remembered a few hours after you leave the theater?  I highly doubt it.  Follow your Spidey Sense…don’t forget Max Dillon’s birthday cake…try not to Spidey-Stalk your girlfriend…look out for leering Leary…watch it…then tell me I’m wrong.

July 19, 2012

The Amazing Spider-Man

DESPERATE 

DESPERATE to keep the property at Sony to thusly prevent a possible Spidey sighting in Avengers 2, which would thusly lead to Marvel Studios earning an estimated BAGILLION dollars. (I Rounded Up)

DESPERATE to win over the hipster/Twilight audience with its emo, big haired, recluse, douche hero and his “Ready To Turn My Back On Everything, Including My Own Self Worth” love interest.

DESPERATE to make the film grim and dark like The Dark Knight, but sadly only accomplishing to make it poorly lit and soulless.

DESPERATE to be special and different with a highly promoted yet LAME half-baked Spidey secret origin, which they abandon before the film’s midway point.

DESPERATE to not be like the first trilogy while poorly attempting to steal things from it.

DESPERATE to cast great actors but then relegating them to being only exposition spewing wallpaper.

DESPERATE to redefine the hero’s core mantra but only managing to debase it into a vague, poorly delivered shrug of a purpose.

Some say the greatest inspiration is often born through desperation…good words.  I, however, don’t see inspiration here.  I see a middle aged hoodlum, who managed to get a gun, trying to hold up a liquor store.  Unfortunately the cops showed up too fast and he is now using an old Korean woman as a human shield, desperately holding on to what little semblance of hope he has of escaping.  A slew of dumb ass decisions piling up to result in a chalk outline on a splotchy linoleum floor.  THAT is The Amazing Spider-Man.  If you waste your time and watch it, you’ll be hard pressed to…tell me I’m wrong.

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