Will Smith

December 11, 2016

(Ep. 79): Suicide Squad – Extended Cut – Movie Commentary: December 2016

Suicide Squad – Extended Cut

2 hours, 14 minutes

Seriously? Yes I don’t know why but we did another WB extended-we-don’t-give-you-the-full-movie-the-first-time-cut.

What to say about a poorly made film. I mean a 8 year old with iMovie could do a better editing job.

And I feel bad for bringing the 8 year old this luckluster piece of crap.

DJ says it the best. “This is the biggest disappointment of the year”.

So we know you really do not want to watch this film again but hell we gave it a try. So this Sunday Funday Movie Night lets give it a GO!

All Board the WB shitliner one more time!
This time the
S. S. We fooled you again…HAHAHA (Shitty Joker laugh)
Don’t worry, this time we have Ted Lange as Your Bartender!  
Suicide Squad
It feels good to be bad…Assemble a team of the world’s most dangerous, incarcerated Super Villains, provide them with the most powerful arsenal at the government’s disposal, and send them off on a mission to defeat an enigmatic, insuperable entity. U.S. intelligence officer Amanda Waller has determined only a secretly convened group of disparate, despicable individuals with next to nothing to lose will do. However, once they realize they weren’t picked to succeed but chosen for their patent culpability when they inevitably fail, will the Suicide Squad resolve to die trying, or decide it’s every man for himself?

A secret government agency, led by the ruthless, high-ranking official Amanda Waller, recruits some of the most dangerous, incarcerated villains on the planet to execute dangerous black ops missions and save the world from a potentially apocalyptic threat from a mysterious, supernatural entity. If anything goes wrong on this mission, the government will not be liable but rather can place the blame on the villains, who are inherently evil people. A small bomb is implanted in each member of the squad’s neck with the capability of detonating any time one of the members tries to rebel or escape. It will be up to this assembled team of villains to prevail over the seemingly impossible events that will unfold before them, in what many deem to be a “suicide mission”.

July 4, 2016

Independence Day: Resurgence

Independence Day: Resurgence – Trash

 

Never has a movie pissed me off more. I mean wtf is going on here? Every element from 96’s ID4 is horrifically whored out like the little slut it apparently is. Listen I get ID4 is not perfect as some people make it out to be, but it was a good summer film that I thought was honestly pure fun. A sequel was never needed. But if it was to become a reality this is far from it. Resurgence is a mess it simply is a thrown together money grabber like Sony is doing with Ghostbusters. There is no reason for any of these films to be made but for greed little shits to make money. This new ID4.2 world is a overblown CG shit feast of a futuristic 2016 that does nothing but make me cringe the entire time.

This whole this is just sad. Everything about this is disgustingly sad.

Dylan Hiller (Hiller’s son) who is played as a complete douche by is back but in the place of his father. Will Smith didn’t want to come back and I fully understand why. The thing about him being thrown into his fathers role is that even though Dylan hasn’t done anything worthy, for some reason he gets to ride his fathers coattails and is placed on the same pedestal. What the hell has he done himself?! Oh and the fact that Will Smith dies during a Test-flight makes the hero Hiller more like a zero. It would of been better if he ate a bullet because he couldn’t take the fame and nightmares anymore. Or maybe because he saw this train wreck. Dylan Hiller is one annoying ass character.
Thor’s brother can’t lead a movie to save is life. He has no charisma. His acting is fine but the dude just can not hold a film on his own. His dialogue also makes him another annoying character in a already bloat annoying character film. Why this character is even here is a mystery to all. Thou he does make a lot of stupid faces which made the film a bit more enjoyable…a bit more.
Goldblum is back! He’s playing the same character as before, just for some reason seems to be a lot smarter now. I mean he was a smart dude before but in this movie he just guesses everything and it’s always completely right. There is like 5 times where everyone is like, “What is this…”. Goldblum just pops in with the right answer out of the blue. The writers did a poor job on this film. Goldblum being brought back was a way to make their job easier to explain and keep plot-holes from manifesting.

Bastards. Oh yeah

Goldblum’s dad is back, he does nothing but put a whole school bus of kids in danger of being brutally killed. Yep that’s it. Seriously watch the movie, he does nothing.

President Bill Pullman is back and…Makes another speech. You know it worked before, but this one is very forced, like rape. Plus his voice was all over the place I’m not sure what happened there and he takes a place of another character from the first ID4. (One that is already dead) Again he’s thrown in because its a sequel! So lets throw Vivica Fox in as well. Who is not a stripper anymore, she a doctor! Good for her and her douche son.
The ending is pretty much the same as the first one, killing the aliens and hugging in a desert. I must say this was one of the laziest movies I’ve seen in years. Guess what? The ending is setup for a sequel. Yep and boy will you be amazed with this ending.

All and all this movie did nothing. Really it is the direct to VHS blockbuster shit version of 96’s ID4. It was utter trash.

February 17, 2014

The Simplistic Reviews Podcast: February 2014 Edition

In a desperate attempt to gain some respectability, The Simplistic Reviews Podcast has on special guest from Insession Film, JD Duran.  But in only twenty minutes, the boys corrupt this once reputable man to the point where he is setting fire to the Academy Awards, partially stalking Jennifer Lawrence, and verbally berating Will Smith.  All in a days work for Matt, Justin, and DJ.  Enjoy this corrupting episode of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast….oh…and the boys conjure the ghosts of Orson Welles and Alfred Hitchcock…yeah…that happened.

 Show Notes:
Unicron
Winter’s Tale
Mission Impossible III
Almost Famous
True Detective Tracking Shot
Key & Peele Liam Neeson Commercial

Music Notes:
Birds & Brass By Sort Of Soul
The Great Escape Theme By Elmer Bernstein
Lawyers, Guns, And Money By Warren Zevon
The Best By Tina Turner


FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY.
Click HERE to listen to podcast

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