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December 6, 2019

Simplistic Humbug: Krampus (2015)

“Krampus” is a fun little holiday ditty that is sure to put you in the spirit.

The cast is fun, the family is pretty much the worst and you actually don’t mind when all hell starts breaking loose and bad things start happening.

But one thing I couldn’t shake was the ending, which hey, if you’re a fan of ‘St. ELSEWHERE’ you’re sure to get a kick out of.

Creature and most of the practical effects are creepy and effective and Michael Dougherty is officially 2/2 in book, at least when it comes to holiday horror.

December 1, 2019

A Simplistic Review: The Irishman

DeNiro, Pacino, Pesci….Action! No, I’m not playing Scorsese here and yelling “Action!” I’m talking about the best part of “The Irishman” and that would be Action Bronson.

Sure, the acting triumvirate of DPP is fantastic but when you consider it takes almost three hours to get to the best acting performance of 2019, it’s a surprise you’ll never see coming.

*If you’ve gotten this far into this very short review without throwing your desktop or laptop out of the window of your New York apartment or into a lake behind your Florida home…jk 🙂

November 21, 2019

A Simplistic Review: The Lighthouse

Between all the drinking, tentacles, seagulls, masterbating, and mermaids, there certainly is a film hiding in here. A BONKERS film, but a film nonetheless.

“The Lighthouse” is a black-and-white-horror-fever-dream-of-an-experience where Roger Eggers lets two actors let loose on each other and creates one of the most surreal times you’ll have in the theater all year for sure.

Whereas Willem Defoe is great, Robert Pattinson is the real story here and he continues to prove he’s more than a shimmering creature of the night, or at least a Fall Day in the Pacific Northwest.

November 13, 2019

A Simplistic Review: The Nightingale

What happens when you take “The Revenant,” “Last House on the Left,” and anchor it with the BRUTAL truth of what the British were really doing while colonizing other lands in the 1800s, well you get “The Nightingale.”

Jennifer Kent is relentless is depicting the horrors of the times and creates a gothic hellscape Down Under.

Hats off to Baykali Ganambarr and Aisling Franciosi for the performances, which are as good as any you’ll see all year.

October 7, 2019

Alphabetic-Horror: Deep Red

A lot of Dario Argento’s work, pre-Suspiria, kind of gets lost in its own history. DEEP RED is the perfect blend of old school giallo, slasher, and lives up to the name DEEP RED.

October 5, 2019

Alphabetic-Horror: Critters 2: The Main Course

I guess it’s weird to enjoy CRITTERS 2 over “Critters” but I’m that guy. The gore is there, it takes place during Easter and you can count on one hand how many horror flicks take place over the day when Jesus came back. Plus! You have a giant ball made out of Critters, or crites, to be more specific.

This one is a winner!

October 3, 2019

Alphabetic-Horror: Bone Tomahawk

In this brutal little nugget, we have Snake Plissken, Jack from ‘Lost’, Night Owl and the stepdad in ‘Step Brothers’ on the hunt for a missing girl taken by some nasty troglodytes in BONE TOMAHAWK. Just a glimpse into the neo-grindhouse genius of S. Craig Zahler.

October 2, 2019

Alphabetic-Horror: Arachnaphobia

We’re kicking off the Halloween season with what was seen as a huge bomb when it was released but holds up as a creepy crawly good time; ARACHNOPHOBIA.

October 1, 2019

A Simplistic Review: Knife + Heart

A TRIP to say the least. “Knife + Heart” takes the classic tropes and psychedelia of Italian giallo but moves it from the comfy confines of a dance school or an apartment in New York and drops you right in the middle of the 1970s gay porn scene.

The violence and sexuality doesn’t pull any punches and it features probably one of the craziest murder weapons I think I’ve ever seen.

The duo of Vanessa Paradis and Nicolas Maury are worth the price of admission.

September 23, 2019

A Simplistic Review: IT Chapter 2

Even after all these years, there’s still a scent of cheesiness to ABC’s version of “Stephen King’s IT.” Aside from the performance of Tim Curry, part two of 1990’s miniseries lacked the overall creepiness of part one and just seemed like a rush job. Luckily you don’t have to worry about “It Chapter II” being rush because this film takes a while…

While staying much closer to the source material, and not being on network TV, this version of “IT” is a nice IMPROVEMENT from what we got almost 30 years ago, including some very good performances, namely Bill Hader, but you also have Jessica Chastain, who just kind of screams a lot.

But hey, albeit a nearly three house runtime, “IT Chapter II” fully realizes what I’m sure Stephen King envisioned when he first finished his 1,000 page epic…an IMPROVEMENT on what we had before.

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