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(Ep. 149): Gingerdead Man – Movie Commentary: December 2020

We love our horror and holiday movie commentaries each year and this one has been on the list. Now we finally get to cross it off…no killer Santa, no killer Elf’s…Killer Gingerbread! 

An evil yet adorable Gingerbread man comes to life with the soul of a convicted killer – this real life cookie monster wreaks havoc on the girl who sent the killer to the electric chair. Oh and that Ginger is Gary Busey…yep that Busey.

Happy Holidays everyone!

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(Ep. 147): Order of the Black Eagle – Movie Commentary: November 2020

A James Bondish spy and his female assistant infiltrate a group of South American Nazis who have kept Hitler alive until they take over the… using the ultimate weapon.

We are back watching another terrible action film of the 80s. Today, we celebrate the great Sir Sean Connery by watching a knockoff Bond film that is worse in every way you could possibly think off. (Don’t worry we will watch the other shitfest in this series).

Trivia: I believe this film is the first film to make the star, the least entertaining person in the film. Maybe it was the actor who just seems not to really want be here. His character seems to just get lost in the story, almost how lost we got watching this damn cluster fuck. Oh and yeah he’s “partner” is a baboon.

Let’s do this!

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(Ep. 145): Death Spa – Movie Commentary: October 2020

Death Spa

R 1989 ‧ Horror/Slasher ‧ 1h 28m

Customers at an exclusive fat farm are haunted by a force which turns exercise equipment into deadly killing machines.

Spooky!

Halloween is right around the corner, so lets watch a movie about exercise equipment killing people! Sounds like one hell of a movie right? We all know COVID-19 came with a lot. Now we need to loss a bit of weight, so come with us as we all signup to loss a few pints of blood. Oh and don’t worry about the random murders. Each one banks us a free 3 week gym membership. Grab your LA Looks, that neon shirt and lets hit the gym…or spa…ugh…whatever this is Death Spa!

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(Ep. 143): Sleepaway Camp – Movie Commentary: September 2020

Happy Halloween!

It’s official! Halloween has begun here at Simplistic Reviews. With everything that has been terrible this year, what more could you ask for then a good old slasher. Ready for some camping? How about a gender reveal party? We have it all here today with…

Sleepaway Camp

R 1983 ‧ Horror/Slasher ‧ 1h 28m

Angela Baker, a shy, traumatized young girl, is sent to summer camp with her cousin. Shortly after her arrival, anyone with sinister or less than honorable intentions gets their comeuppance.

For more reviews and podcasts, visit: Simplistic.Reviews

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Wheel Of Doom: Ep. 2 – Movie Commentary

After two episodes the wheel has finally broken us. I believe we need to rethink things and destroy this curse from hell. Unless you girls and guys like us getting severely mentally punished…wait do you? Do you like us getting punished? How about physically punished? Hummm, maybe this is a good time to speak to you about our OnlyFans page. If that doesn’t sound good, listen to this; every Monday we take a rusty linked chain and recor- Well, I don’t want to spoil it. So check it out for yourself!

 

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(Ep. 138): Beyond Skyline – Movie Commentary: Netflix Party Edition – May 2020

Beyond Skline

R ‧ 2017 ‧ Sci-fi/Action ‧ 1h 45mDetective Mark Corley storms his way onto an alien spaceship to rescue his estranged son. When the ship crashes in Southeast Asia, he forges an alliance with a band of survivors to take back the planet once and for all.

The quarantine Netflix Party Edition continues with the classic 2017 sci-fi film, Beyond Skyline.

Oh it’s not a classic?

I just assumed a movie about a father and aliens or a baby or something…wait I forget…what the hell did we just watch? Seriously, if you pulled a gun out and asked me to name one character, just one, you would be pulling that trigger.

Well, maybe letting you choice these movies is too much power, I’m honestly starting to think about taking my chances by leaving the house than watching another one of those “classic” Netflix films.

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(Ep. 137): Shark Night 3D – Movie Commentary: Netflix Party Edition – April 2020

 

Big thanks to Greg and Will from MISCAST and everyone else for joining!

 

Listeners picked it, so we watched it…

 

Shark Night 3D…

 

Yippy.

 

 

 Shark Night

 

PG-13 ‧ 2011 ‧ Horror/Thriller

Newly arrived at her family’s lake-island cabin, college student Sara (Sara Paxton) and her friends prepare for a weekend of fun in the sun. But soon after they dive into the lake, football player Malik (Sinqua Walls) stumbles out of the water with a grievous wound. Thinking Malik is the victim of a freak accident, the friends pile into a tiny speedboat and head for the hospital. To their horror, they discover that they are surrounded by hundreds of massive, hungry sharks.

 

Release date: September 2, 2011 (USA)Director: David R. EllisBudget: 28 million USDBox office: 40.1 million USD