one word reviews of Movies and TV

Wednesday, January 16, 2019

A Simplistic Review: Eighth Grade

It's hard not to CRINGE at "Eight Grade." It's everything you would expect a film about middle to be. Awkward, bittersweet, stomach-churning, and all together relatable.

Considering I'm about 20 years removed from middle school, I remember it being a little unbearable, but a lot has changed in 20 years and perhaps I don't find enough to connect with in "Eighth Grade" but I admire it's zeal for portraying the "modern" kid growing up in a technological and "me-me-me" society.

Maybe I'm sure more of a "Welcome to the Dollhouse" type of guy, but I'm also a weirdo who likes really dark shit...

Monday, January 14, 2019

A Simplistic Review: The House That Jack Built


Lars von Trier is the master of the TRIGGER. He knows how to get under your skin and manipulate your emotions and get people riled up. But that also makes him the last of a dying breed of mainstream directors who are fading away.

The best I can really say about "The House That Jack Built" is that it TRIGGERS a response from people, whether it's good or bad, but it's a lot of posturing on von Trier's part about a hearty pat on his on own back.

It's "American Psycho" without the pitch black humor and while it might take place in the 80s at some junctures, "Jack" devoid of the era and simply takes place when it takes place.

Is "Jack" worth 150-minutes of your time? It honestly all depends on whether you think a Lars von Trier film is worth the squeeze and how TRIGGERED you might be.

Sunday, January 13, 2019

(Ep. 115): Hard To Kill - Movie Commentary: January 2019

The new year is here and so is a new batch of Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentaries! 

We start this new year off with a film from 90's action star and serial eater, Steven Seagal. Which Seagal film? Well, since Steven has a large collection of so bad its good, we figured we get out one of the better Seagal films that also has some of our favorite lines.

Stay warm with the boys from SR on this chilly January Sunday and let's watch some Hard to Kill!
Hard to Kill

R 1990 ‧ Drama/Thriller ‧ 1h 40m

Description

When police detective Mason Storm (Steven Seagal) uncovers ties among corrupt cops, the mob and charismatic politician Vernon Trent (Bill Sadler), a hit is ordered on his family. During the attack, Storm's wife is killed, and the cop himself is severely injured. After waking up from a years-long coma, Storm, aided by gorgeous nurse Andy Stewart (Kelly LeBrock), slowly gets back on his feet and plots revenge against those who wronged him, particularly the duplicitous Sen. Trent.
Release date: February 9, 1990 (USA)
Director: Bruce Malmuth
Box office: 47.4 million USD
Screenplay: Steven McKay
Music composed by: David Michael Frank



Thursday, January 10, 2019

A Simplistic Review: Molly's Game


Considering this was one of my favorite films from 2018, I'm finally getting around to making it my first review post for 2019. Makes sense, right?

What do you get when you take Jessica Chastain, throw in a little Idris Elba, and have them recite, impeccably, the dialogue of Aaron Sorkin? Well, your plants might get a little TIGHT, but you also get "Molly's Game."

This is also the film that finally made me a fan of Jessica Chastain. Her and Anne Hathaway I lumped into the same boat for a long time, just not a fan. But, after seeing her play word gymnastics with this script and simply being the anchor of this film, I'm finally a believer.

Friday, December 28, 2018

A Simplistic Review: Deadpool 2


I feel the short-hand "DP2" was so on the nose for "Deadpool 2" that perhaps in fact I was DP'd. Not that I would know that DP'ing is. Because I'm the good, God-fearing member of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast. Not like my heathens-in-crime of course. But man, the EXCESS in "Deadpool 2" is well, sometimes, a little bit EXCESSive

If you love Wade Wilson and his constant wink-wink, nod-nods to the camera, the audience and his fellow characters, you are going to love "DP2" and all it's DP'ingness.

From a comic reader perspective it's awesome because you finally see Cable on the big screen, along with Domino, and by the way, Zazie Beetz is a kween. And shoot, you even get Shatterstar and they reference Mojo World. Talk about a deep cut!

You get Goonies references, more baby appendages, shoot I even forgot, you get to see Black Tom Cassidy! Maybe there isn't enough in this film, I actually want more. What have I become...

Thursday, December 27, 2018

A Simplistic Review: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse

I was cautious about this film. In hindsight, I wonder why I ever was. It's so darn good, it's almost frustrating.

At the end of the day, I'm a purist when it comes to comic books and how I like the look and feel of them. If I had it my way I would have characters look exactly how they looked in all the comics I read in the 90s. Imagine how everyone would look in "X-Men: First Class" or even in that Ultron flick? Probably a little problematic actually...

But there is serious SERVICE paid in "Spider-Man: Enter the Spider-verse." You have what people have been clamoring for for years. Finally a film with Miles Morales AND Spider-Gwen. What kind of world do we live in? A pretty special one indeed. Considering we are living in an even more inclusive society, this is the perfect film, at the perfect time. It's almost needed. It's a film that should inspire and make evident, what's already been said over and over; "Anyone can be Spider-(wo)man."

Monday, December 24, 2018

A Simplistic Review: The Favourite (2018)

Since 2015's "The Lobster" Yorgos Lanthimos has established himself, at least to me, as a modern day Aesop, creating adult-themed FABLES that are both mind-bending, funny, and unlike anything any other director is creating right now.

"The Favourite" is a film that takes the tried and true concept of the "costume drama" and turns it into a PG-13 version of "Salo" with two of the best in the business with Rachel Weisz and Emma Stone turning in some great performances where it leaves you guessing who is the hero or the villain.

Throw in Nicholas Hoult with his over the top David Bowie-like performance and Olivia Colman putting in some serious work as Queen Anne and you have some great fun right here.

Friday, December 21, 2018

(Ep. 114): The Simplistic Reviews Podcast: December 2018

Happy Holidays to all, and to all a good podcast! The Simplistic Reviews Podcast is back to jingle some bells and deck some halls with Simon Appleton from Moustache Movie News. We ask the expert in all things U.K. everything from Brexit, the metric system, and Meghan Markel...we also take a break to read some Christmas cards sent to Santa, much to the chagrin of our Jewish cohost Matthew Stewart. We also bring back one of our favorite games, Simplistic Titles, to see if Simon knows what movies are real and which ones come from the dark recesses of DJ Valentine's twisted mind. All that reindeer crap and more on a fa-la-la-la-loaded episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast


MUSIC
Deck The Halls By Album House
Hark The Herald Angels Sing By Album House
Jingle Bells By Album House
O Little Town Of Bethlehem By Album House
We Wish You An Indie Christmas By Aaron Tosti
Happy Christmas Deck The Halls By Be Still The Earth
8-Bit Blues By Fairlight
Move By OBOY


NOTES
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Audition
Aladdin First Look
Lindsey Lohan Beach Club

Tuesday, December 18, 2018

A Simplistic Review: The Meg (2018)

Big, stupid films are so hard to gauge. People still like to throw around that whole "guilty pleasure" argument but honestly, you should like what you like and there shouldn't be guilt involved, but man..."The Meg" was the perfect BAIT in 2018 for anyone who was in the market for a big, dumb film about sharks that get bigger and bigger and if you wanted to see Rainn Wilson play a bigger jerk than his alter ego in "The Office."

No, "The Meg" isn't Asylum cheesy, but I would have loved to have seen the studio meeting which I sure included "hey, 'Sharknado' is still a thing right, people still love giant fish!" The sad fact is that "Sharknado" works because it's just one of those films that has all the ironic detachment it needs to be endearing, "The Meg" is a bit of a slog with just enough Jason Statham to make it somewhat tolerable and entertaining.

It just seems like a missed opportunity that the "Baby Shark" song wasn't used in some form. It's a travesty.

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